Just some thoughts

I would say I am a person of much thoughts esp recently since camp jus ended. My mind is is some mess with many things demanding my attention. Thoughts abt the camp stil linger, planning for KM trip demands my attention, planning to meet the girls before I fly off and evaluation of the camp together with them etc. Not that I am finding all these a dread, just tt my mind gets a lil too occupied sometimes. Other than these planning, i would say the matter matter that really is on my mind is relational issues..

Many times to be like Jesus is tough. It requires u to endure the things u dun wanna to endure, obliged you to say the truth in love, though you don wanna say them at all. How I feel when I go thru all these and at such a time like this? I must say I feel as since a knife is cutting thru my heart now. To be misunderstood just like Jesus was. It hurtful.. Yet what can I say? Nothing. Cos Jesus said nothing. His actions prove His everything. I have learnt to say nothing. Because God has taught me that He is my protector and I dont have to be my own hero. I can leave many things to God.

I used to be v anxious when people are upset with me, cos I dont like to offend people. Maybe I am a people pleaser. I like people to think well of me. So whenever people misunderstand me I wil feel uneasy and I wld see the need to clarify the situation immediately. That helped me feel better. But i realised that I am only inside a trap, a vicious cycle where I gain no freedom out of this. I wld fear people and their opinion of me forever.

Thank God that He provided me with a way out of this. He showed me that for Him to truly be my protector, I got to let Him protect me.. Practically I learnt that I just got to stop defend myself. So nowadays when I sense that there are people who misunderstand me, I would just let God handle it. is it tough? You bet! Like I say I wld feel as if a knife is cutting thru my heart. I wonder if anyone feels tt way before? This feeling is v v real for me, almost to the point of physical pain. God made me relational, and I know that if Satan wanna attack me, he wld attack me r/s with people. Its always easier to take things into my own hands then to let God work in His own time. I just got to trust. Another reason that kinda helped me to let be my protector, is also the fact that I am tired of protecting myself.. Father I pray that I may nv have to reach a point of desperation before I depend on you.

On a brighter note, I just wanna share 3 things about myself (2 truths and 1 lie). Its a game I played yday at Val's hse. so guess which is the lie? 1stly, the highest praise given me is that I have a compassionate heart. 2ndly, the greatest thing I wld do for someone I love is to take care of him/ her. 3rdly, the greatest reward fr the recent Nav camp is the relationships made.

If you know me well enuff, the lie is the 2nd one. The greatest things I wld do for the ones I love is to die for him/her- just like Jesus. I got all fooled at the game! no one cld guess the correct one! haha.. did you? =)

tml the sun wil stil shine, morning will stil come. and I wil stil proclaim that God is Good~