There's adrenaline rush from preparing the Offical Opening. I feel so charged up for work now that I cant really sleep much and cant eat much. You know that feeling you get after you jog and you dont really feel like eating or resting.. haha! I had that kinda feeling.
When i go to office, I feel as if I need to look for work, like "Where is my work? Give me more work!" I realised I really do have a lot of energy. Where do I channel this energy? Perhaps I should really learn to be still again. 1-2months of hectic preparation really expanded my capacity and makes me restless.
I should go into reading, learning, and the so very essential background planning that should be done if I want to see a good job. I need to rechannel my energy. Official opening is over, there are other things that I need to focus on now. Have missed a few BSs, need to catch up too.
Read fr Jia's blog that for the sake of archery, she gave up ministry for awhile. I wonder if I may ever do that at any point in my life? What am I living for? I hope to take a Sabbath fr TNT, and in the meanwhile establish myself in a church, attend courses, give myself even more to the children and clients at my office. Pastor John has been asking me to join his cell grp and church, but it clashes with my commitment in Nav. I thought I would be able to cut down on some TNT commitments, bt I was unable to do so. N there's still the girls whom I want to meet with.. Torn between the many demands.
Sometimes I find my life dissected into 2. Monday-Fri (Care Corner), Sat (TNT), Sunday (Family, personal). I dont like it this way leh. I find it hard to switch mode from CC to TNT during the weekends. Beginning to think that CC is my ministry and my calling. I need to dwell a little more in this b4 I can input any further... its a mindset shift I am experiencing now..
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Ultimate rejection of God
昨天感到震惊气愤，今天感到忧伤遗憾。。悲剧往往是可以避免的。
Someone jumped off the building near to my office yesterday. I was with the children at the void deck when the man jumped. A girl came to me and got me to go to the event place and see what happened. I didnt believed her initially cos I didnt hear anything. But I followed her nevertheless and see what it was. A body was lying on the ground. I guess I saw the skull cracked into 2 and some parts of the brain.
My immediate response? To get the children out of the area and call the police. On my way back to get my handphone, I was all alone and that's where I got the time to respond. My hair stand and I was just calling out for Jesus name. There was no prayer, cos I could utter none.
We debrief the children, called the children's parents and ask them to look out for any signs of abnormality from witnessing the incident. The period of time following the incident was to deal with the children who witnessed the event.
They have witness this more than once at least in their neighborhood. So far they are rather alright. God is protecting them. But I pray that God will protect them from hardening their hearts and thus numbing their senses to such violence. Pray for the children to always be sensitive to the rights and wrongs, virtues and violence, beauty and the ugly. Repeated exposure to violence leave scars that numbs people to violence. That's why I felt angry that the children had to be exposed to such violence.
Today, I received a saddening news. The man who jumped was someone I knew. Not that close, but he was rather kind towards me. It was just beyond my mind when I heard the news, I cannot find the way to respond. Was too busy in the office to respond. I am sad, and at times I do feel the tears rising, but they dont come out. I know I need to debrief my process my own feelings, but there is no luxury of time and space yet.
That uncle chose a sad way to end his life. I do not feel that "Oh, we should have reached out to him and this would not have happened." It is too late for such statement. I only feel sad for him. Sad that the devil had succeed in his attempts to rob God of his creation, sad that the devil has capture another soul into his territory, sad that he did not give himself another chance for life- God's abundant life, sad that the children have to witness this...
God, protect those who are living, whose hearts are affected in one way or another- the conscious and the unconscious way. God, your heart must be broken because your creation has chosen to reject your image them. Father, your heart of love is full of mercy and kindness. Show them to the living. Pray for his family that they may see your glory and light.
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living... " Ps 27:13
Someone jumped off the building near to my office yesterday. I was with the children at the void deck when the man jumped. A girl came to me and got me to go to the event place and see what happened. I didnt believed her initially cos I didnt hear anything. But I followed her nevertheless and see what it was. A body was lying on the ground. I guess I saw the skull cracked into 2 and some parts of the brain.
My immediate response? To get the children out of the area and call the police. On my way back to get my handphone, I was all alone and that's where I got the time to respond. My hair stand and I was just calling out for Jesus name. There was no prayer, cos I could utter none.
We debrief the children, called the children's parents and ask them to look out for any signs of abnormality from witnessing the incident. The period of time following the incident was to deal with the children who witnessed the event.
They have witness this more than once at least in their neighborhood. So far they are rather alright. God is protecting them. But I pray that God will protect them from hardening their hearts and thus numbing their senses to such violence. Pray for the children to always be sensitive to the rights and wrongs, virtues and violence, beauty and the ugly. Repeated exposure to violence leave scars that numbs people to violence. That's why I felt angry that the children had to be exposed to such violence.
Today, I received a saddening news. The man who jumped was someone I knew. Not that close, but he was rather kind towards me. It was just beyond my mind when I heard the news, I cannot find the way to respond. Was too busy in the office to respond. I am sad, and at times I do feel the tears rising, but they dont come out. I know I need to debrief my process my own feelings, but there is no luxury of time and space yet.
That uncle chose a sad way to end his life. I do not feel that "Oh, we should have reached out to him and this would not have happened." It is too late for such statement. I only feel sad for him. Sad that the devil had succeed in his attempts to rob God of his creation, sad that the devil has capture another soul into his territory, sad that he did not give himself another chance for life- God's abundant life, sad that the children have to witness this...
God, protect those who are living, whose hearts are affected in one way or another- the conscious and the unconscious way. God, your heart must be broken because your creation has chosen to reject your image them. Father, your heart of love is full of mercy and kindness. Show them to the living. Pray for his family that they may see your glory and light.
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living... " Ps 27:13
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Little foxes ruin the vineyard...
"Little foxes ruin the vineyard"... People usually make rationale decisions and more or less good decisions when they are the major ones, but its the minor ones that we unconsciously choose that affects us in a way we never imagine.
"little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man." Proverbs 6:10-11
"Catch for us the foxes, the little foxest that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Solomon 2:15
Yes over time people tend to slacken, forget the little things.. The truly trustworthy ones are those who are faithful even to the little things. You may beg to differ.. I am alright with it.
When I work with people, I know who I can trust totally and who I should take what they say with only a pinch of salt when I see the way they handle the little things. I am not talking about those super "stingy" people who is so calculative with you to the slighest detail, but in terms of the attitude in which they handle that little things such as washing a cup etc. Maybe my job requires me to wash some cups daily, I know who never does the washing and I know who does it. Am I judging too much? God show me if I am.. I need your wisdom in this...
Anyway, in terms of my job right now, I find that the children do listen to my instructions better. Recently I have been more strict in carrying out quiet-time and time-out with them. And it helps. Cos i get to speak to them personally and find out what the matter. It a privilege that we get while school teachers does not get.
Sometimes I listen to Jia and I empathise both with her and her pupils. They are not easy to handle and she has to rush the curriculum. If there are any disruptive kids, the entire class would be affected and that affects their learning. How I wish she could refer them to us, but her school is too far. As she teaches P1, she plays such a major role in identifying the kids who has special challenges and needs more help. If intervention could be done at their level, what great difference would it make!
Its time to reconnect with NTPS, QTPS again and get them to refer students to us. Students who really need help. I think we can make a difference to the little children sent to us.
If you are sensing something, you are right... I am loving my work. I love the kids. Even though if you see me in the program handling the children, you would not think of me as loving them! haha..
If you know of any little children that needs some kind of special help, and you dont know where to refer them to, let me know. I will try to find out for you. I may or may not be able to help personally, but I can find kind of help is available and possible...
We love because God first loved us.. and Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me...".
"little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man." Proverbs 6:10-11
"Catch for us the foxes, the little foxest that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Solomon 2:15
Yes over time people tend to slacken, forget the little things.. The truly trustworthy ones are those who are faithful even to the little things. You may beg to differ.. I am alright with it.
When I work with people, I know who I can trust totally and who I should take what they say with only a pinch of salt when I see the way they handle the little things. I am not talking about those super "stingy" people who is so calculative with you to the slighest detail, but in terms of the attitude in which they handle that little things such as washing a cup etc. Maybe my job requires me to wash some cups daily, I know who never does the washing and I know who does it. Am I judging too much? God show me if I am.. I need your wisdom in this...
Anyway, in terms of my job right now, I find that the children do listen to my instructions better. Recently I have been more strict in carrying out quiet-time and time-out with them. And it helps. Cos i get to speak to them personally and find out what the matter. It a privilege that we get while school teachers does not get.
Sometimes I listen to Jia and I empathise both with her and her pupils. They are not easy to handle and she has to rush the curriculum. If there are any disruptive kids, the entire class would be affected and that affects their learning. How I wish she could refer them to us, but her school is too far. As she teaches P1, she plays such a major role in identifying the kids who has special challenges and needs more help. If intervention could be done at their level, what great difference would it make!
Its time to reconnect with NTPS, QTPS again and get them to refer students to us. Students who really need help. I think we can make a difference to the little children sent to us.
If you are sensing something, you are right... I am loving my work. I love the kids. Even though if you see me in the program handling the children, you would not think of me as loving them! haha..
If you know of any little children that needs some kind of special help, and you dont know where to refer them to, let me know. I will try to find out for you. I may or may not be able to help personally, but I can find kind of help is available and possible...
We love because God first loved us.. and Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me...".
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
My Colleagues
Hey I am putting up pictures of my colleagues... They cant object here and I hope they dont object also la...
These was at Abby's house. And we were having a retreat.. Focus of retreat? Sharing and FOOD!
This was at our Corporate retreat at Desaru.. That night, we were the brightest and we looked like traffic police I think =P But I think the sense of identity created by wearing the same shirt was rather strong...
I must say I learnt a lot in my workplace. The little helpful skills that would carry me thru my life.. Working with different kind of people.. (In Nav, people are more one kind! =P). Learning about working with grassroots and the things that we have to be mindful of, working with clients of different level- children, teens, parents, poor and the rich... Learning to be the designer in office, learning to serve etc etc.. But I must say, I have so much to learn...
I am grateful for how Nav have trained me and how I am using my training in my workplace. And I know that I am stil growing in this new place.. Life is meant to be fruitful...
These was at Abby's house. And we were having a retreat.. Focus of retreat? Sharing and FOOD!
This was at our Corporate retreat at Desaru.. That night, we were the brightest and we looked like traffic police I think =P But I think the sense of identity created by wearing the same shirt was rather strong...
I must say I learnt a lot in my workplace. The little helpful skills that would carry me thru my life.. Working with different kind of people.. (In Nav, people are more one kind! =P). Learning about working with grassroots and the things that we have to be mindful of, working with clients of different level- children, teens, parents, poor and the rich... Learning to be the designer in office, learning to serve etc etc.. But I must say, I have so much to learn...
I am grateful for how Nav have trained me and how I am using my training in my workplace. And I know that I am stil growing in this new place.. Life is meant to be fruitful...
I wonder and I ponder...
Some things I saw & some people I listened to causes me to wonder and ponder...
- The joy of old couple sitting in the park... & listening to "Numa Numa"!!
- The happiness in a lover's eyes and even while saying goodbye...
- The sacrifice a mother would put in for her child (and maybe the child would not even understand).
- The passion of many who go before me in disciple-making & the sacrifices they make.
- The rational mind of human which causes us to rationalise instead of honestly admitting what we do and our motives.
- The time we spend on MSN instead of working.
- The time when we are suppose to be attending to people yet we are in front of our desk...
- The time we spend on facebook, and other social networks and then we say we have no time for other things. (Btw I am a firm believer of non-facebook/friendster etc. Maybe until I see its purpose one day. But I have nothing against you if you have a facebook k.)
I struggle between what is best and what is alright (neutral). I struggle to tell people what I think is best. If they are wrong, I can tell them, but sometimes, its not something outright wrong, but maybe just not a valid right. haha! Understand me? Its ok, its not meant for the mass understanding anyway...
On a side note, I am fidning my strength and energy back already. I know it cos I find the strength to jog twice a week when previously I dropped to once a week while I was sick. Good health is so much more convenient...
- The joy of old couple sitting in the park... & listening to "Numa Numa"!!
- The happiness in a lover's eyes and even while saying goodbye...
- The sacrifice a mother would put in for her child (and maybe the child would not even understand).
- The passion of many who go before me in disciple-making & the sacrifices they make.
- The rational mind of human which causes us to rationalise instead of honestly admitting what we do and our motives.
- The time we spend on MSN instead of working.
- The time when we are suppose to be attending to people yet we are in front of our desk...
- The time we spend on facebook, and other social networks and then we say we have no time for other things. (Btw I am a firm believer of non-facebook/friendster etc. Maybe until I see its purpose one day. But I have nothing against you if you have a facebook k.)
I struggle between what is best and what is alright (neutral). I struggle to tell people what I think is best. If they are wrong, I can tell them, but sometimes, its not something outright wrong, but maybe just not a valid right. haha! Understand me? Its ok, its not meant for the mass understanding anyway...
On a side note, I am fidning my strength and energy back already. I know it cos I find the strength to jog twice a week when previously I dropped to once a week while I was sick. Good health is so much more convenient...
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