有期望所以会让自己失望。 Since young I know that this is true.. Hence there is no need to expect too much because you end up disappointed.
有期望才有目标。 Consciously, I expect not to expect. Unconsciously, I still expect and expect. The closer you are to me, the more I expect from you.
理想主义者vs完美主义者。When I enter into full time ministry, I know that I hold up some ideals in my life and I hold it so dearly. Some sacrifices that some may nt make, I choose to make it. I always say I am not a perfectionist, I know I am not. I do not demand things to be done in a pefect fashion. But to the standard tt I want, i can be quite anal abt it. Finally confessing the perfectionist part to myself..
理想化，完美化可以崔毁一个人。By holding on to some ideals and standards, I finally realised I have done harm to myself. Putting pressures to myself unfairly. Inability to move towards my dream because I get too hang up in the ideals. The destruction of relationships because I showed contempt towards those who cld not hold up to my ideal.
现实使人更平衡。Through my supervision and through Paul, I am learning to work with reality and to see to see the big picture. It liberates me to move forward indeed. There is a part of me that is still holding on the the ideals and proud of it. I guess they shd never be given up. But beware that in my holding on to some dreams, I show more consideration to others also.
Contempt- something that lies with me for the past few years. Nv really got to know what it is. The quick solution to myself is God's Love.
Contempt is when I TOTALLY disregard someone when they do not meet my ideal standard. Idealism is the root issue to my Contempt.. Therefore Love is not the solution. LIVING REAL is the main dish. Other ingredients includes EMBRACING PAIN, EXTENDING GRACE & MERCY. N maybe a pinch of TEARS here and there. I believe the flavor of it will be FREEDOM & MATURITY & CHRISTLIKENESS.
Its a new dish I am tasting. I am not sure of the other ingredients as yet. If you know, you are most welcome to teach me along.
(I asked God to give me growth in emotional maturity. He is doing that through what I have learning so far. Last yr, I ask God to help me grow in humility, He did tt as well. I really hardly experience God's answered prayer this way.)
"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." Jn 17:15
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Home...
There is a tension in the concept of home. Some feels paisay in coming (So they are not really treating it as home). Some really treat it like home and behave as if there are maids to help them clean up, and therefore in that sense, they are not treating it like home. The real problem is not in how I define home to be, but how they really treat their own home at home.
How can I help the youth and children to feel at home and learn to treat a home like a home?
Met Marge today and it was good time. I told her that I want to grow in emotional maturity which stems from growing in security. Sense of rejection, disfavor all triggers in me something which I do not enjoy. I do not like feeling that way but somehow I feel that way when triggered. I want to be master over my feelings and grow in security and emotional maturity.
God, I dont know how growth takes place but I know that in all the ways of living creatures, growth is natural yet mysterious. You are the sustainer of growth and life. So Lord, give me this growth and prune me in this area. Thank You Lord, in Jesus name I pray, Amen
How can I help the youth and children to feel at home and learn to treat a home like a home?
Met Marge today and it was good time. I told her that I want to grow in emotional maturity which stems from growing in security. Sense of rejection, disfavor all triggers in me something which I do not enjoy. I do not like feeling that way but somehow I feel that way when triggered. I want to be master over my feelings and grow in security and emotional maturity.
God, I dont know how growth takes place but I know that in all the ways of living creatures, growth is natural yet mysterious. You are the sustainer of growth and life. So Lord, give me this growth and prune me in this area. Thank You Lord, in Jesus name I pray, Amen
Friday, May 8, 2009
Tired but Inspired...
Met with Mr Ang today.. Went to meeting drained, left the meeting energised! Meeting with inspiring people always have a way to energise people!
He develop a program that aims to help "naughty" students to be be more interested in school. A 3 day 2 nights camp where the new teachers are placed together with the students and go through everything with them, experiencing the teachers as real humans, giving them a lot of choices but at the same time teaching the students cause and consequences.
Students and teachers leave the camp knowing one another better and building deeper rapport. This helps in the classroom management where teachers learn not to react to students who does not cooperate. They also learn to withold their judgment and seek to understand. Each students who gets the individual treatment feels appreciated that they are unique individuals and eventually get through to school.
He is open to share about the not so successful areas too. Firstly some teachers jsut go through the motion of the camp, therefore they dont get changed. Secondly, not all students chosen are willing to go for the camp, therefore they miss the opportunity to be changed.
Mr. Ang was willing to share his dreams and vision, his theories, his strategies and also his failures. Some grey areas that he is still figuring out, he was willing to share with Roger and myself. Thank God for giving such humble into position of authority.
His sharing affirmed what I was doing. I was rather disappointed at work today but felt affirmed at the end of his sharing. I know that I treat each child rather different and give a lot of grace to some children particularly. I know that my team members are having difficulty with my style and they are also trying hard to understand me. I guess they hope I can have a clearer standard so that we can all stand on the same line and be united. I hope for the same. I hope they can have a greater grey area. I hope that they can have greater flexibilty in handling different children. I know that standards need to be set otherwise children will get confused and also compare. But that is not a golden rule to be applied in all circumstances! Because you also set different contracts with different children within the boundary of rules. When kids are feeling low and they need a quiet place to settle their issue, do you tell them NO? These are the issues we deal with. Little subtle issues and day to day interactions with children that needs constant clarifications.
Many things to learn in working in a team...
And I also learn many other things and I am so excited now I want to join the camp and learn so that I may bring it back and share with my team members, and excite them enuff to want to run the camp for the children.
He develop a program that aims to help "naughty" students to be be more interested in school. A 3 day 2 nights camp where the new teachers are placed together with the students and go through everything with them, experiencing the teachers as real humans, giving them a lot of choices but at the same time teaching the students cause and consequences.
Students and teachers leave the camp knowing one another better and building deeper rapport. This helps in the classroom management where teachers learn not to react to students who does not cooperate. They also learn to withold their judgment and seek to understand. Each students who gets the individual treatment feels appreciated that they are unique individuals and eventually get through to school.
He is open to share about the not so successful areas too. Firstly some teachers jsut go through the motion of the camp, therefore they dont get changed. Secondly, not all students chosen are willing to go for the camp, therefore they miss the opportunity to be changed.
Mr. Ang was willing to share his dreams and vision, his theories, his strategies and also his failures. Some grey areas that he is still figuring out, he was willing to share with Roger and myself. Thank God for giving such humble into position of authority.
His sharing affirmed what I was doing. I was rather disappointed at work today but felt affirmed at the end of his sharing. I know that I treat each child rather different and give a lot of grace to some children particularly. I know that my team members are having difficulty with my style and they are also trying hard to understand me. I guess they hope I can have a clearer standard so that we can all stand on the same line and be united. I hope for the same. I hope they can have a greater grey area. I hope that they can have greater flexibilty in handling different children. I know that standards need to be set otherwise children will get confused and also compare. But that is not a golden rule to be applied in all circumstances! Because you also set different contracts with different children within the boundary of rules. When kids are feeling low and they need a quiet place to settle their issue, do you tell them NO? These are the issues we deal with. Little subtle issues and day to day interactions with children that needs constant clarifications.
Many things to learn in working in a team...
And I also learn many other things and I am so excited now I want to join the camp and learn so that I may bring it back and share with my team members, and excite them enuff to want to run the camp for the children.
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