Hang in there..

I feel irritable, and guilty at times.

When Oswald moves so much that it hurts, I feel angry. But at the same time guilty because its not his fault that he is moving so much. The emotions are too mixed and I cannot reconcile them. So on occasions, the pent up emotions just let go.

Cant wait for Oswald's birthday to arrive. In view of the 4months maternity leave, i need to hang some work in the air. Plans have to be put on hold. Waiting seems to be the purpose of this season. N I am impatient.

Cant sleep last night.. Reflected on my work.. Seem to be deviating from what I think SW is, aligning more and more to the church. For some time, I have reconciled my struggles in my work, because I put aside my old way of thinking abt SW. My approach to my clients and what I believe should be the helping goal now becomes so much more focus (even narrow) as I think of how I do my work. N i am limited in helping them bcos my core commitment is to safeguard the project integrity.. In my work, I hope that I do not repeat doing the same things for this coming year. But to seek improvements in the way I do things and to always clarify the purpose. Although disturbing, bt at least, I come to learn something..

Hang in there LJ, and God will come..

Oswald- Week 28

At Week 28, Oswald's presence is undeniably strong. He moves rather frequently, sometimes causing my belly shifting to the right and left. I am so worried that he may burst his water bag that keeps him so comfortable. My body does not feel like my own, and its hard to accept that. It is shared with Oswald and how I wish sometimes he will be born soon so that this weird feeling will be gone.

But I feel guilty for wishing for that. I mean he needs his fair share of time in my body to be strong. Ohhhh, I pray for patience. Maybe disciplining a child starts from the womb. Sometimes Paul would ask him to be still and keep quiet so that he wont disturb me so much. Am I too much? Anyway, maybe discipline really does start from the womb. I pray that he will know that I love him despite the discomfort I am experiencing.

Anyway, I sense that he may be born earlier than expected. Better be ready soon after CNY. The way he is kicking, that way he is pushing on my pelvic and how the gynae says his head position is a little lower, all these gives me the hunch that he may be born earlier. Well, well, actually I cant wait for him to be delivered.. Jia you Oswald!

God, pray for your hand to continue to knit and form Oswald. Pray that he will be looking forward to seeing this lovely world you have created for him to have dominion over.