I saw S coming late for the program. He looked so tired as he carried the table to do his work. Then I decided to give him a big smile.. He kinda looked at me suspiciously, paused for awhile in his step and then walked toward me. Bingo!
I checked with him how he is that day. And he walked away to do his work. He did his work diligently for the rest of the time. Ater awhile I walked to him and helped him a little with his work. He seems very receptive and willing to learn.
I dont know when does the ice started to melt between us. But it did that day =)
As for N, sometimes I find him, hmmm... hard to understand. Actually he is good at heart. There were moments when he showed his kind side. Yet most of the time, he cannot show respect to people in speech, especially to those younger than him.
Whatever it is, thank God for the children. Thank God for the youth.
Oh yes, i had a dream. In my dream were the faces of the children and the youth. And then in another scene of my dream, I saw many post-sticks with my names on each and everyone. I woke wondering what the dream meant? I guess its because I feel responsible over many things. I woke up and commit my burdens to God.. Thank you my Lord..
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Faith vs Understanding
Speaking to Abang enlightened me on some of the struggles that I am experiencing. Change is awkward and requires a lot of energy. I hate to admit it, but I am affected.
I recognize some of the tension I feel within myself. Being able to recognize them helps me. To be able to identify the cause of the tension releases some tension.
Essentially, it boils down to what I think I want and what I really want. It is reflected in the little things in life, but it just irks me. The little bits build up into a huge tension. I need to be more true to myself and admit what I really want.
What do I really want in my life, job and relationships?
I thought I could be happy with what I have, and make do with what I like. But I think I am not.
When I was in Nav, everything seems so purposeful. Everything I do it contributing to the KOG. Right now, I spend about 10 hours of my day from Monday to Friday working and working but I don’t know what I am doing. Is what I am doing purposefully building up the KOG?
Then I read Ephesians 6:7. “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.”
Perhaps now is the time to just keep serving the Lord without asking for the purpose, reasons or the returns. Just keep serving and loving.
I remember Joseph in the house of Potiphar as slave, in the prison as a prisoner and serving in the courts of Pharaoh. Nothing makes sense. All that he went through makes no sense to us limited in wisdom and understanding. Yet he went through the times serving whole-heartedly. Only at the end did he understand that he had to go through all that he went through to save his people from 7 years of famine. He had not depended on reasons or understanding to persevere in his trials.
My Lord, I am limited in wisdom and understanding. Your ways are higher than my ways and your wisdom higher than mine. I do not see many things but you see from the beginning to the end. Grant me not understanding but Trust in you. Grant me not knowledge but unwavering Faith. Grant me HOPE and PURPOSE in you. Grant me undying LOVE for you that your burden becomes my burden and your heartbeat my passion.
I recognize some of the tension I feel within myself. Being able to recognize them helps me. To be able to identify the cause of the tension releases some tension.
Essentially, it boils down to what I think I want and what I really want. It is reflected in the little things in life, but it just irks me. The little bits build up into a huge tension. I need to be more true to myself and admit what I really want.
What do I really want in my life, job and relationships?
I thought I could be happy with what I have, and make do with what I like. But I think I am not.
When I was in Nav, everything seems so purposeful. Everything I do it contributing to the KOG. Right now, I spend about 10 hours of my day from Monday to Friday working and working but I don’t know what I am doing. Is what I am doing purposefully building up the KOG?
Then I read Ephesians 6:7. “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.”
Perhaps now is the time to just keep serving the Lord without asking for the purpose, reasons or the returns. Just keep serving and loving.
I remember Joseph in the house of Potiphar as slave, in the prison as a prisoner and serving in the courts of Pharaoh. Nothing makes sense. All that he went through makes no sense to us limited in wisdom and understanding. Yet he went through the times serving whole-heartedly. Only at the end did he understand that he had to go through all that he went through to save his people from 7 years of famine. He had not depended on reasons or understanding to persevere in his trials.
My Lord, I am limited in wisdom and understanding. Your ways are higher than my ways and your wisdom higher than mine. I do not see many things but you see from the beginning to the end. Grant me not understanding but Trust in you. Grant me not knowledge but unwavering Faith. Grant me HOPE and PURPOSE in you. Grant me undying LOVE for you that your burden becomes my burden and your heartbeat my passion.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Thorn in the flesh
I have a thorn in my flesh. I did not ask God to remove it because I think He will not do it. Because He did not do it for Paul.
I hate this thorn. It’s very frustrating as you know that its there but yet you can’t remove it.
The thorn of pride, thorn of insecurities and others that I may not even know. They eat into me and hurt me daily. (Ok, maybe daily is quite exaggerated but recently it is frequent enough to qualify for daily.) They remind me of my weaknesses but I often forget about God’s grace which is sufficient for me. I see the thorns and forget the grace and power that is perfected in my weakness.
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
I plead with you Lord that you guard my walk with you. May the faith which you have placed in me become purer with the testing of each trial.
I hate this thorn. It’s very frustrating as you know that its there but yet you can’t remove it.
The thorn of pride, thorn of insecurities and others that I may not even know. They eat into me and hurt me daily. (Ok, maybe daily is quite exaggerated but recently it is frequent enough to qualify for daily.) They remind me of my weaknesses but I often forget about God’s grace which is sufficient for me. I see the thorns and forget the grace and power that is perfected in my weakness.
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
I plead with you Lord that you guard my walk with you. May the faith which you have placed in me become purer with the testing of each trial.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Adventure!
On my one hour bus journey to office today, i stumbled into an adventure!!!! And I had to blog about it! Haha!
An Indian man got up the bus and sat opposite me. Innocent enough, he sat opposite me for the next half an hour. Fir the first few minutes, I thought there was something strange about his pants. I wondered if he forgot to zip up his pants cos I thought I saw something unusual. But anyway, it was so insignificant that I dismissed it away. As I was casting my eyes around in the bus 10-15mins later, I saw that the unusual thing at the zipper area of his pants had grew! I tried to looked at his eyes, but he was wearing a red cap so his eyes was being blocked. Then I looked at his private part again. It has indeed grew!Oops, sorry maybe grow is not the right word. Enlarge is a better word.
I ascertain that he was a pervert who does this intentionally! I felt uneasy and unsafe. And I feel concern for the rest of the ladies beside me. By then it was nearing my stop. My nature told me to just get off the bus and forget about it. But 2 seconds later, I caught myself and felt that I had to do something about it! I am a social worker and I need to uphold social justice! haha! So i walk to the bus driver and informed him. That pervert saw me doing it and then got off the bus. Another passenger overheard me and told the bus-driver to tell the pervert off. I dont know what happened next as I just got down the bus. But the last I saw was that the pervert also got off the same stop as me! hmmm, i was afraid of being stalk by him! haha..
If i sound excited to you, pls dont get me wrong. I am not excited about meeting a pervert. But the fact that you have to deal with a pervert gives you an adrenaline rush that causes you to sound excited! haha..
I want to laugh at the pervert who tried to scare me! I think he just picked the wrong target! =)
An Indian man got up the bus and sat opposite me. Innocent enough, he sat opposite me for the next half an hour. Fir the first few minutes, I thought there was something strange about his pants. I wondered if he forgot to zip up his pants cos I thought I saw something unusual. But anyway, it was so insignificant that I dismissed it away. As I was casting my eyes around in the bus 10-15mins later, I saw that the unusual thing at the zipper area of his pants had grew! I tried to looked at his eyes, but he was wearing a red cap so his eyes was being blocked. Then I looked at his private part again. It has indeed grew!Oops, sorry maybe grow is not the right word. Enlarge is a better word.
I ascertain that he was a pervert who does this intentionally! I felt uneasy and unsafe. And I feel concern for the rest of the ladies beside me. By then it was nearing my stop. My nature told me to just get off the bus and forget about it. But 2 seconds later, I caught myself and felt that I had to do something about it! I am a social worker and I need to uphold social justice! haha! So i walk to the bus driver and informed him. That pervert saw me doing it and then got off the bus. Another passenger overheard me and told the bus-driver to tell the pervert off. I dont know what happened next as I just got down the bus. But the last I saw was that the pervert also got off the same stop as me! hmmm, i was afraid of being stalk by him! haha..
If i sound excited to you, pls dont get me wrong. I am not excited about meeting a pervert. But the fact that you have to deal with a pervert gives you an adrenaline rush that causes you to sound excited! haha..
I want to laugh at the pervert who tried to scare me! I think he just picked the wrong target! =)
Monday, September 1, 2008
getaways
I didn’t know it entailed so much. I thought it was just a simple getaway for the kids. Yet there are skills involved in the preparation too. I guess it is like this working with children. Every little thing counts.
Thank God for C who debriefed with me on all these. I learnt a lot today. Yet I am still at fault because I could have find out more. It was my first time leading a getaway for the children, I should have find out more from the rest. Yet again, I also wished that the rest could come and tell me more about what to expect and how to prepare. I don’t know who to blame for the outcome. Maybe there don’t need to have something or someone to blame. Yet the part about “I should have…” and “They should have…” keep lingering around.
I also wonder if the children are to be responsible for the disappointing event today. But I realized that if we can prepare them enough, then they might enjoy themselves more. Therefore it’s a shared responsibility perhaps.
Today I learnt:
1. I can find out more details from the organizing parties so that…
o I can prepare the children better as to what to expect.
o Advice the children on how they can prepare themselves for the program.
2. Prepare the children for the program by…
o Reminding them of good behaviors
o Reminding them to participate so that they can really enjoy the event.
o Convey my expectations to them of the above points.
Thank you Lord for your grace that helps me learnt an important lesson. Pray that the lessons the children learnt today would bring positive impacts in their lives and carry them for a long time to come.
Really, Lord, it’s not easy for me to be with the children. Strengthen me to embrace the challenge. Grant me a sensitive spirit that I may your message for them each day. In Christ’s name… Amen
Thank God for C who debriefed with me on all these. I learnt a lot today. Yet I am still at fault because I could have find out more. It was my first time leading a getaway for the children, I should have find out more from the rest. Yet again, I also wished that the rest could come and tell me more about what to expect and how to prepare. I don’t know who to blame for the outcome. Maybe there don’t need to have something or someone to blame. Yet the part about “I should have…” and “They should have…” keep lingering around.
I also wonder if the children are to be responsible for the disappointing event today. But I realized that if we can prepare them enough, then they might enjoy themselves more. Therefore it’s a shared responsibility perhaps.
Today I learnt:
1. I can find out more details from the organizing parties so that…
o I can prepare the children better as to what to expect.
o Advice the children on how they can prepare themselves for the program.
2. Prepare the children for the program by…
o Reminding them of good behaviors
o Reminding them to participate so that they can really enjoy the event.
o Convey my expectations to them of the above points.
Thank you Lord for your grace that helps me learnt an important lesson. Pray that the lessons the children learnt today would bring positive impacts in their lives and carry them for a long time to come.
Really, Lord, it’s not easy for me to be with the children. Strengthen me to embrace the challenge. Grant me a sensitive spirit that I may your message for them each day. In Christ’s name… Amen
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