SW gathering

Had SW gathering on Sunday.. Some of the people here in thos picture have been important in my 4 yrs of NUS life. Thank God for them. Some I know better, some I know lesser..

What makes us a group is that we all choose to work in a profession that desire to help people. Whatever our motivations may be, helping people is our desire. At times when we gather at my house, I would often laugh that I have a house of social workers and anyone who needs help can just walk in and receive help =)

We had a good time tt day just chatting and catching up with one another.. thanks to her, she is always my sounding board.. Well, I have some others, but no pics with them =)


My kaleidoscope mates, some are missing..
And thanks to CW who organised the gathering =) If you leave, I would really really miss you.. But if you really wanna go, stay longer so that I can save up enuff to go and visit you! =)

Unsorted thoughts

I told Marge, if I have a child, I will call him/her 恒希. (It means to have hope forever, to never give up on hoping.) I learnt that it’s so important to have hope. Of course faith and love as well. Oh! I can just call another 恒信 (to have faith forever and never give up believing.) And just as we cannot separate faith, love and hope, so my children cannot be separated! They will need to support one another in love… Haha… I love it!!!

快乐是自己的，不是你给的，寂寞要自己负责。
Even though there is loneliness, there is no regret. I just got to go through this. Even though it feels lonely, I need to believe that my Father is with me. Here is a part of my life which I know only God can walk me through it. No one else can. Maybe its also a part of my life that I am facing up to reality that there is no one who can fill me fully… I have perhaps been idealistic. And I was too idealistic to realise it.

Who am I? Am I who you think I am? Am I who I think I am? Am I what I do? Am I what I believe? Am I who you never see me to be? Am I who I never myself to be? Who am I? I thought I knew. But not so. The answer is obvious and yet not so obvious to me. I am who I am in Christ. But what does it mean? Then what is the difference between me and the other Christians? Who am I?

Only God knows. I have become to see Him as more and more important in my life. Without God, I would be floating in my life without direction. He is my anchor. Though I am still holding Him in my boat, and have not let down the anchor as yet. So God is still floating with me in my boat. My boat have not yet settle down..

Leaders who care...

I am very thankful for all the adults in my life who have helped me along my growing up years. I know of many people who yearned and prayed for mentors, but so far they have none. God has different learning methods for each of us. I know of friends who learn tremendously from books alone. And that is God's grace and provision for them to learn.

God knows I need people to interact with, bounce ideas off, and to sharpen me. So He brought into my life many wise people who have a heart for me. Some of them stayed longer in my life than others, but many are there to journey with me. I am thankful for each of them, no matter how long or short their stay was.

I never knew how blessed I am to have a leader personally accountable for me. Someone responsible for me, checking on me, challenging me, comforting me, assuring me, rebuking me (though I don’t enjoy this part of it).

Thank God for Margaret and Lee Yin who are now journeying with me at this stage.
Thank God for Robert, Kia Yuan, Oliver who cared for me and stood up for me in their fatherly ways and gave me comfort and advice.
Thank God for Uncle Kim Chye who looked upon me as a daughter when he was working as a care-taker in Nav office. I miss him...
Thank God for Michael that he still cares for me ever since he first took me for bible study 10years ago.
Thank God for Chung who influenced me a great deal in my pre-adulthood years, patiently building me up for the work.
Thank God also for people who periodically drop by me to share and care, Roy & Bee Lay, Pastor Andrew, Pastor John.

Serene is right... I do have many people who love me... And in that I should take comfort and be secure.. =)

Father, continue to give people to care for me. Help me to learn from each of these leaders in my life that I may share the life that they have poured into me.

Making Sense out of it

Something's wrong with my tummy, got a woozy feeling. (Kailing taught me this term-woozy, I thot this is quite a cute way of describing your stomach) Whatever I eat, it will “brew in my tummy and then come out of my system straight away (& its watery).

Anyway my stomach feels empty, incapable of tolerating any food. I am not feeling the appetite too. Guess its got to do with my emotions. I feel empty, just like my stomach is feeling empty.

Things/persons I have used to fill up my void for too long is slowly being removed by God-leaving a sense of emptiness within me. A sense of loss, loneliness but yet HOPE remains. Even though it remains somewhere in the distance, at least its somewhere to be seen.

I made the prayer to be emptied, and now it's taking so much out of me to remain still and continue to let God empty me. I remember Isa 40:30-31.

Those who wait on the Lord will soar like eagles. When eagles reach a certain age, they will rise to a maximum peak. In order for them to soar higher, they need to go through a painful process-stripping themselves off their feathers. Finding an isolated cave, and using their beaks, they begin stripping themselves off their feather. After this painful process, they need to wait for the new feather to grow. This is a most vulnerable period for the eagles because they can not fly during this period.

Though painful, though vulnerable, but its so important for all of us who want to grow! I am thankful for the lessons from the eagles. They look strong, majestic and powerful, and I want to be like them. Yet sometimes I am tempted to avoid the pain necessary to reach such maturity. I am much tempted to give up, yet this cannot be. My friends who know me, pray for me that I may preserve in hope and faith, that this time may not be wasted.

Sufferings in this painful world are senseless, but God use them to make sense for us all.

To be understood is to be loved

Read this great book tt tells alot about fear. Specifically, the fear of being known by others..

Identify especially abt this part where it says we feel loved when we are understood. I may be in the midst of many, but if I am not understood, there will be a sense of aloneness. Gifts and talents can bring no comfort.

To be understood is to love. To try to understand is being loving.. How many times have I felt lonely/alone when I dun think I am understood. How frustrating it is when others cannot seem to understand our point.. N how many times have I not love others when I fail to understand them. How frustrating is it for me when I dun see eye to eye with others abt issues.. Perhaps the solution is to understand.. Or at least seek to understand..

I often hear, "People seperate because of understanding-因为了解而分手" But I guess, people go their seperate ways because there is no understanding.. Or there is an inability to understand, or a lack of effort to understand until its too late.. way too late..

I dunno which one motivates which one? Love motivates understanding? Or understanding motivates love.. I dunno.. Jus a question in my mind. If u have any brilliant idea, pls let me know.. =)