These people really make me feel like crying.. Jus received some farewell wishes from Jo, Josh, and their mum. N receive Rach's sms. Sigh.. I will miss them. No wonder I cannot be a missionary because I hv too many people whom I wil miss dearly here.
Each farewell wish makes me feel like crying. This is the longest time I am gg to be away from home and away from the people I love. So its sad for me. Plus the fact that I will miss so many things while I am away makes me miss them all the more. Salt retreat, christmas rally etc. They say they will call me and collect offering to pay for the phone bill.. so cute right. Imagining doing that! =)
I hope I wont cry at the airport tml.. I wld look so dumb. cos its just like 3 weeks.. 3 weeks wl pass and I will be back.. Thank you for missing me and finding me impt enuff to you to be missed.
God keep them when I am not ard. Help me to know and trust you as the faithful God who will protect them from the evil one. Keep the little one at home and keep him safe and growing healthy. I pray that the time when we meet again, we will once again praise Your name.
Protect Serene from the evil one as she takes the step of faith in baptism. Protect her against the scheme and lies of the evil one and reveal your truth to her. Truth that she is loved, precious and important. Pray that as she live out the truth, she will become beautiful, the woman you have created her to be. In Jesus' name, Amen
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Love
Gg to China tml morning.. need to check in at 610am.. Thank God for many good friends who will come and send me off. I told my sis that I know I am loved.. I am glad to be one of those who can make this claim in my life- that I am loved.. Not saying this out of pride or wat, but a genuine appreciation of the people who love me and the love God has shown me. There were times when I feel unloved, unappreciated.. but those were the times when I was young and insecure.. as I grow, I grew to be more secure and know that I know that I am loved.
I am reminded of God's love. That I love because He first loved.. In my life, I try to imitate Him. I love others first and I am very happy to say that I see my love yielding harvest.. I know that there are many times when I am tired of loving and I often ask myself "for what?". "For what am I doing this? Y do I give off myself to the point of hurting myself?" Weiqi told me before that I need to learn to keep my hands to myself and not to stretch it out all the time for others. Sometimes i feel so stupid when I stretch out my hands to help and the person jus hit my hand in return. I so feel stupid.. But yet, I cant bear to keep my hands. I do want to give help and I do want to love.
Not that I love everyone, but I love those whom God has given me a special burden to love. For example in camp, God has given me Joash to help and love and so I love them. Not that I dont love all the rest of the teens. I do yet I have limited energy and capacity to show it. The most I can manage at the camp was a very warm smile and a greeting to check how they are at the camp. This is wat I mean by loving those whom God has given me to love.
Want to say that there are many whom I love and I know love me. Thank especially for my old old friends who love me, Yee Jia, Serene, Doreal, Jac. And not so old friends who love me, Geok, TingLing, Weiqi, ZhengQiang, Junhao, Elijah, Liao Ling. Uni friends who love me, Cheewei, Soon Kiet, Callin, Kris, HuiLing, Chailing, Rob. My mentors who love me, Robert, Kia Yuan, Marge, LeeYin, SiewLim, Chung. My girls who love me, Huimei, Rach, Ruth, Char, Santi, Suyin, Eunice, Nat, Samantha. The boys who love me, Sam, Jo, Josh. Even the new friends I made at camp, Vin n Weichin, they wanna help me carry luggage when I return.. I have a family who love me.. The greatest thanksgiving I can give to God today is the gift of Love. Am I too mushy? I hope not. These come fr my heart.. That day when I went to send the SHSS boys off, I was telling RX that these boys are fortunate. He thot I was referring to their opp to travel all ard. But I told him no. They are fortunate bcos they have ppl who care enuff to go and send them off. So i pray that they will love that they are loved. I pray that everyone will know that they are loved.
About China, I pray for safety and a fruitful trip. I pray that God will take care of my loved ones in Sg esp my family and my girls and boys. I pray that God will keep them and will give me peace to know that they are in His safe hands.
I am reminded of God's love. That I love because He first loved.. In my life, I try to imitate Him. I love others first and I am very happy to say that I see my love yielding harvest.. I know that there are many times when I am tired of loving and I often ask myself "for what?". "For what am I doing this? Y do I give off myself to the point of hurting myself?" Weiqi told me before that I need to learn to keep my hands to myself and not to stretch it out all the time for others. Sometimes i feel so stupid when I stretch out my hands to help and the person jus hit my hand in return. I so feel stupid.. But yet, I cant bear to keep my hands. I do want to give help and I do want to love.
Not that I love everyone, but I love those whom God has given me a special burden to love. For example in camp, God has given me Joash to help and love and so I love them. Not that I dont love all the rest of the teens. I do yet I have limited energy and capacity to show it. The most I can manage at the camp was a very warm smile and a greeting to check how they are at the camp. This is wat I mean by loving those whom God has given me to love.
Want to say that there are many whom I love and I know love me. Thank especially for my old old friends who love me, Yee Jia, Serene, Doreal, Jac. And not so old friends who love me, Geok, TingLing, Weiqi, ZhengQiang, Junhao, Elijah, Liao Ling. Uni friends who love me, Cheewei, Soon Kiet, Callin, Kris, HuiLing, Chailing, Rob. My mentors who love me, Robert, Kia Yuan, Marge, LeeYin, SiewLim, Chung. My girls who love me, Huimei, Rach, Ruth, Char, Santi, Suyin, Eunice, Nat, Samantha. The boys who love me, Sam, Jo, Josh. Even the new friends I made at camp, Vin n Weichin, they wanna help me carry luggage when I return.. I have a family who love me.. The greatest thanksgiving I can give to God today is the gift of Love. Am I too mushy? I hope not. These come fr my heart.. That day when I went to send the SHSS boys off, I was telling RX that these boys are fortunate. He thot I was referring to their opp to travel all ard. But I told him no. They are fortunate bcos they have ppl who care enuff to go and send them off. So i pray that they will love that they are loved. I pray that everyone will know that they are loved.
About China, I pray for safety and a fruitful trip. I pray that God will take care of my loved ones in Sg esp my family and my girls and boys. I pray that God will keep them and will give me peace to know that they are in His safe hands.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Exhausation
I can feel my brain burning.. Fatigue fr camp plus the prep for the trip is crazy. Thank God that I managed to get some time off from all these things at dinner with Eddie. Jus received a mail fr Chung. Pushing me to a higher level and expanding my capacity. Chung like to do this. To push my limit and to expand my capacity. Sometimes I feel like complaining yet this is nt the spirit. God give me joy.
I feel like a zombie, w a body but disconnected with my heart and soul. Except when I am talking to people and reflecting on this blog here. Expressing myseld helps me to connect to reality. Every time after a trip/ camp, I cant seem to come back to reality. I am stil stuck at camp, my heart and mind. I am still functioning on a mental and physical level, but emotionally I am really nt there. Today as I meet Rach n Char, I am stil fine, but when I go to Samantha's hse, I really hv to drag myself back before I disconnect.
I saw Evelyn when i was at bugis getting some stuff. I was talking to her and then i realise that I am feeling tense and stress.. from all the info that I need to handle eg. travel insurance, prep testimony, new shopping list for chung, getting things fr ppl to pass it to her. I must say I am only gg thru it w a smile cos of God's grace. Otherwise I might hv burst when I met her church friend n her sis to collect the stuff. God protect me fr burn out pls.
Anyway its a good time of meeeting w Rach, Char, Samantha & Reb. We talk abt camp and nothing muz.. Jus camp.. haha.. I am happy for the so positive experience, the things they learnt and the relationships made. I told rach & char that I wld nt be there camp advisor nxt time.. this is for their good so that they can learnt to be leader. I feel as if I am the leader in this camp.. Rach said that I filled in her gap for the things that she cannot do.. but haha.. nxt time, she jus got to do it! But ok i must say she has shown teachability in this camp as well. To push her own limits! welldone! Char too.. breaking out of her bubble.. welldone!
aft all this reflection still feeling tensed up.. ok my last weapon. the weapon of prayer..
Once again I know that tml will be good becos God is good and He will cont to be good forever. God help me to know deeply that you are good forever n ever
I feel like a zombie, w a body but disconnected with my heart and soul. Except when I am talking to people and reflecting on this blog here. Expressing myseld helps me to connect to reality. Every time after a trip/ camp, I cant seem to come back to reality. I am stil stuck at camp, my heart and mind. I am still functioning on a mental and physical level, but emotionally I am really nt there. Today as I meet Rach n Char, I am stil fine, but when I go to Samantha's hse, I really hv to drag myself back before I disconnect.
I saw Evelyn when i was at bugis getting some stuff. I was talking to her and then i realise that I am feeling tense and stress.. from all the info that I need to handle eg. travel insurance, prep testimony, new shopping list for chung, getting things fr ppl to pass it to her. I must say I am only gg thru it w a smile cos of God's grace. Otherwise I might hv burst when I met her church friend n her sis to collect the stuff. God protect me fr burn out pls.
Anyway its a good time of meeeting w Rach, Char, Samantha & Reb. We talk abt camp and nothing muz.. Jus camp.. haha.. I am happy for the so positive experience, the things they learnt and the relationships made. I told rach & char that I wld nt be there camp advisor nxt time.. this is for their good so that they can learnt to be leader. I feel as if I am the leader in this camp.. Rach said that I filled in her gap for the things that she cannot do.. but haha.. nxt time, she jus got to do it! But ok i must say she has shown teachability in this camp as well. To push her own limits! welldone! Char too.. breaking out of her bubble.. welldone!
aft all this reflection still feeling tensed up.. ok my last weapon. the weapon of prayer..
Once again I know that tml will be good becos God is good and He will cont to be good forever. God help me to know deeply that you are good forever n ever
Monday, December 11, 2006
Just some thoughts
I would say I am a person of much thoughts esp recently since camp jus ended. My mind is is some mess with many things demanding my attention. Thoughts abt the camp stil linger, planning for KM trip demands my attention, planning to meet the girls before I fly off and evaluation of the camp together with them etc. Not that I am finding all these a dread, just tt my mind gets a lil too occupied sometimes. Other than these planning, i would say the matter matter that really is on my mind is relational issues..
Many times to be like Jesus is tough. It requires u to endure the things u dun wanna to endure, obliged you to say the truth in love, though you don wanna say them at all. How I feel when I go thru all these and at such a time like this? I must say I feel as since a knife is cutting thru my heart now. To be misunderstood just like Jesus was. It hurtful.. Yet what can I say? Nothing. Cos Jesus said nothing. His actions prove His everything. I have learnt to say nothing. Because God has taught me that He is my protector and I dont have to be my own hero. I can leave many things to God.
I used to be v anxious when people are upset with me, cos I dont like to offend people. Maybe I am a people pleaser. I like people to think well of me. So whenever people misunderstand me I wil feel uneasy and I wld see the need to clarify the situation immediately. That helped me feel better. But i realised that I am only inside a trap, a vicious cycle where I gain no freedom out of this. I wld fear people and their opinion of me forever.
Thank God that He provided me with a way out of this. He showed me that for Him to truly be my protector, I got to let Him protect me.. Practically I learnt that I just got to stop defend myself. So nowadays when I sense that there are people who misunderstand me, I would just let God handle it. is it tough? You bet! Like I say I wld feel as if a knife is cutting thru my heart. I wonder if anyone feels tt way before? This feeling is v v real for me, almost to the point of physical pain. God made me relational, and I know that if Satan wanna attack me, he wld attack me r/s with people. Its always easier to take things into my own hands then to let God work in His own time. I just got to trust. Another reason that kinda helped me to let be my protector, is also the fact that I am tired of protecting myself.. Father I pray that I may nv have to reach a point of desperation before I depend on you.
On a brighter note, I just wanna share 3 things about myself (2 truths and 1 lie). Its a game I played yday at Val's hse. so guess which is the lie? 1stly, the highest praise given me is that I have a compassionate heart. 2ndly, the greatest thing I wld do for someone I love is to take care of him/ her. 3rdly, the greatest reward fr the recent Nav camp is the relationships made.
If you know me well enuff, the lie is the 2nd one. The greatest things I wld do for the ones I love is to die for him/her- just like Jesus. I got all fooled at the game! no one cld guess the correct one! haha.. did you? =)
tml the sun wil stil shine, morning will stil come. and I wil stil proclaim that God is Good~
Many times to be like Jesus is tough. It requires u to endure the things u dun wanna to endure, obliged you to say the truth in love, though you don wanna say them at all. How I feel when I go thru all these and at such a time like this? I must say I feel as since a knife is cutting thru my heart now. To be misunderstood just like Jesus was. It hurtful.. Yet what can I say? Nothing. Cos Jesus said nothing. His actions prove His everything. I have learnt to say nothing. Because God has taught me that He is my protector and I dont have to be my own hero. I can leave many things to God.
I used to be v anxious when people are upset with me, cos I dont like to offend people. Maybe I am a people pleaser. I like people to think well of me. So whenever people misunderstand me I wil feel uneasy and I wld see the need to clarify the situation immediately. That helped me feel better. But i realised that I am only inside a trap, a vicious cycle where I gain no freedom out of this. I wld fear people and their opinion of me forever.
Thank God that He provided me with a way out of this. He showed me that for Him to truly be my protector, I got to let Him protect me.. Practically I learnt that I just got to stop defend myself. So nowadays when I sense that there are people who misunderstand me, I would just let God handle it. is it tough? You bet! Like I say I wld feel as if a knife is cutting thru my heart. I wonder if anyone feels tt way before? This feeling is v v real for me, almost to the point of physical pain. God made me relational, and I know that if Satan wanna attack me, he wld attack me r/s with people. Its always easier to take things into my own hands then to let God work in His own time. I just got to trust. Another reason that kinda helped me to let be my protector, is also the fact that I am tired of protecting myself.. Father I pray that I may nv have to reach a point of desperation before I depend on you.
On a brighter note, I just wanna share 3 things about myself (2 truths and 1 lie). Its a game I played yday at Val's hse. so guess which is the lie? 1stly, the highest praise given me is that I have a compassionate heart. 2ndly, the greatest thing I wld do for someone I love is to take care of him/ her. 3rdly, the greatest reward fr the recent Nav camp is the relationships made.
If you know me well enuff, the lie is the 2nd one. The greatest things I wld do for the ones I love is to die for him/her- just like Jesus. I got all fooled at the game! no one cld guess the correct one! haha.. did you? =)
tml the sun wil stil shine, morning will stil come. and I wil stil proclaim that God is Good~
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Nav Camp again
As I interact with more teens, I get more n more thankful. Thankful in the way God helped me n the TNT to plan the team in such a way that alomost everyone is telling me that they hv enjoyed their team so muz.. including muyself. It has been a long while since I feel that I cant bear to leave nav camp.. the feeling is here again..
As i sms daniel, he told me tt he look forward to the reunion on 23rd.. a shame tt i cant be there.. n i talk to louis over msn, his nickname has the work Joash and the camp verse. even sam, eunice, rostina all miss their team.. even me too.. I think I am a crazy advisor.. i hv nv seen any advisor so involve in their team b4.. i muz b crazy. i feel like i m part of the team lo.. haha. a crazy team deserves a crazy team advisor.. haha. King mun n me agree tt we have a good good team.. All the way Joash!! U r really great. Each one of you contributed to the team in ur special way..
the boys are gg to Korea tml.. I m gg to surprise them by sending them off.. haha.. only Vin know.. think Louis n WC wil b so shocked. nt gg to tell them haha! Wonder how i can bless them.. Oli is gg to give them a daily bread to encourage them to read it daily in Korea.. tt's a great idea. but what can i do? mayb give them a tms pack. haha they wil sure die.. Vin hv alrdy started to do his QT, pray tt it will be on a daily basis n consistent one also. nd to warn him abt the aft effects of the camp lest he thinks tt the effects of nav camp wil last forever. we stil nd to go to God for our daily manna.
Father u wan us go to u daily cos we need ur daily.. Nv let me forget u Lord. as the song goes, "my heart forever is wandering" Let me always go back to u Lord when I wander..
As i sms daniel, he told me tt he look forward to the reunion on 23rd.. a shame tt i cant be there.. n i talk to louis over msn, his nickname has the work Joash and the camp verse. even sam, eunice, rostina all miss their team.. even me too.. I think I am a crazy advisor.. i hv nv seen any advisor so involve in their team b4.. i muz b crazy. i feel like i m part of the team lo.. haha. a crazy team deserves a crazy team advisor.. haha. King mun n me agree tt we have a good good team.. All the way Joash!! U r really great. Each one of you contributed to the team in ur special way..
the boys are gg to Korea tml.. I m gg to surprise them by sending them off.. haha.. only Vin know.. think Louis n WC wil b so shocked. nt gg to tell them haha! Wonder how i can bless them.. Oli is gg to give them a daily bread to encourage them to read it daily in Korea.. tt's a great idea. but what can i do? mayb give them a tms pack. haha they wil sure die.. Vin hv alrdy started to do his QT, pray tt it will be on a daily basis n consistent one also. nd to warn him abt the aft effects of the camp lest he thinks tt the effects of nav camp wil last forever. we stil nd to go to God for our daily manna.
Father u wan us go to u daily cos we need ur daily.. Nv let me forget u Lord. as the song goes, "my heart forever is wandering" Let me always go back to u Lord when I wander..
Friday, December 8, 2006
After Camp Thanksgiving
Camp is over. I have forgotten whether I have looked forward or dreaded it before it started, but I sure am glad for the one week of experience. It has been an extremely fun time though a busy and tired one. (I discover that I can be so driven that I dun need rest nor food. Maybe just a bit of rest, not too much.) Anyway, this is my first thanksgiving to God, that He sustain me through out the whole camp, without rest and much food, just alot of His grace and empowerment.
Second thanksgiving is for God to carry thru my msg. I guess there are lots that I can improve on, seriously I dunno how I did, but the feedback is that its good and people are minstered. Honestly, I feel that I didnt really connect with the teens, mayb connect more w the laborers. So in conclusion, I can teach small grp , n not such a big grp!! At the same time, I am glad tt people enjoyed the games and there are 2 teens who mentioned that my message stood out to them. As long as it bless one person, it is worth it all! Thank you God...
Third thanksgiving is for the way God place the teams together. KY put me in charge of the teaming, seriously it was a stressful job. But somehow I got the many feedback that the teaming was good and somehow the team jus work well together, and the leaders complimented one another. My team Joash is also like this. Vincent is the more stand out and talk kinda leader, while Rach is the more shy leader who would work behind the sceen and take note of the details (though I must say Vincent is also pretty detailed minded.) So both of them jus complimented one another! Wei Chin on the other hand, is a great supporter. He is supportive of Vincent's leadership and will be with him and handle a task together. He will also give ideas and be a good discussioner with Vincent. (though this wld also mean that Rach wld be left out of them in tt sense.)
Anyway, they are jus a great combi! There were some minor hiccups at the beginning, but to the grace of God who gave the sopirit of teachability to Vincent, he changed and the challenge was overcome! I am so thankful for that. As for the team as a whole, Tsz Kei and Abrie are quieter, the boys are more interesting. So happy that Ben and Louis believe in Jesus during the camp! Glory to God. This is one of the few camps where I cant bear for the camp to end. I had so muz fun at the camp w the team exp with Vin n WC, they are so funny! I really pray that I have bless them w my life and teaching too! At the beginning of the camp, I set myself the objective that I want to get to know 2 more leaders at the camp and know them well. Perhaps I have started to know them a lil bit, and pray that there wil be more opportunites in the future.
Thru the camp, I learnt one thing, that is if you ask about the people's family, you will discover many more things about them. You may even discover y they are behaving in a way that they are etc. I hv asked 5 of my team members abt their family and I feel that I know them so much more. I am beginning to think that, to help a person effectively, you need to know their family.
In the camp, i realised that I have kinda neglected my girls, such as Rach, Char, Ruth, Eunice and Samantha. Guess I am so busy w the new people and the team that I did not get enuff time w them. Sorry girls!
Prayer for today: May God seal all that we have learn in the camp and use it to transforms our lives.
Second thanksgiving is for God to carry thru my msg. I guess there are lots that I can improve on, seriously I dunno how I did, but the feedback is that its good and people are minstered. Honestly, I feel that I didnt really connect with the teens, mayb connect more w the laborers. So in conclusion, I can teach small grp , n not such a big grp!! At the same time, I am glad tt people enjoyed the games and there are 2 teens who mentioned that my message stood out to them. As long as it bless one person, it is worth it all! Thank you God...
Third thanksgiving is for the way God place the teams together. KY put me in charge of the teaming, seriously it was a stressful job. But somehow I got the many feedback that the teaming was good and somehow the team jus work well together, and the leaders complimented one another. My team Joash is also like this. Vincent is the more stand out and talk kinda leader, while Rach is the more shy leader who would work behind the sceen and take note of the details (though I must say Vincent is also pretty detailed minded.) So both of them jus complimented one another! Wei Chin on the other hand, is a great supporter. He is supportive of Vincent's leadership and will be with him and handle a task together. He will also give ideas and be a good discussioner with Vincent. (though this wld also mean that Rach wld be left out of them in tt sense.)
Anyway, they are jus a great combi! There were some minor hiccups at the beginning, but to the grace of God who gave the sopirit of teachability to Vincent, he changed and the challenge was overcome! I am so thankful for that. As for the team as a whole, Tsz Kei and Abrie are quieter, the boys are more interesting. So happy that Ben and Louis believe in Jesus during the camp! Glory to God. This is one of the few camps where I cant bear for the camp to end. I had so muz fun at the camp w the team exp with Vin n WC, they are so funny! I really pray that I have bless them w my life and teaching too! At the beginning of the camp, I set myself the objective that I want to get to know 2 more leaders at the camp and know them well. Perhaps I have started to know them a lil bit, and pray that there wil be more opportunites in the future.
Thru the camp, I learnt one thing, that is if you ask about the people's family, you will discover many more things about them. You may even discover y they are behaving in a way that they are etc. I hv asked 5 of my team members abt their family and I feel that I know them so much more. I am beginning to think that, to help a person effectively, you need to know their family.
In the camp, i realised that I have kinda neglected my girls, such as Rach, Char, Ruth, Eunice and Samantha. Guess I am so busy w the new people and the team that I did not get enuff time w them. Sorry girls!
Prayer for today: May God seal all that we have learn in the camp and use it to transforms our lives.
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