My energy's Back!!!

Its back! Its back! My energy's back! I am no longer a deflated balloon!! I can function quite well now meaning even though I have very little sleep past few days, but I am mentally alert and ready for work! haha!
I was praying last nite when I felt the rejuvenation. Perhaps no amount of massage or spa can rejuvenate me like prayer does. N the rejuvenation last nite helped me to be able to meet with Huimei for 3hours today and we have a goody good time!

Some random pictures to display...

Taken during Nav Staff Thanksgiving Dinner.. Wonder why we look so green? Cos we were at the section where all the lights were covered with green cellophane paper. haha!

Christmas in Singapore

I spent my last 2 years of Christmas in China. Its been pretty busy while I was there, preparing for Christmas party, connecting with people etc. Now that I am at home, I feel a lil weird. A lil not so at home.

A picture of the Christmas party I had in China 2 years ago..

Not been extremely busy, in fact I feel as if I don’t have enough to do. I do have things to settle but I still feel punctured, ever since retreat. I wonder what is draining my soul? I feel restless… what is happening to me? I dunno too.

How did I spend my Christmas? Well, I went to King's house on 24th. We were supposed to be there at 9pm but i think most reach around 10pm. So King and I just slack on the couch and watch TV. Well, King and I have been friends for a long time.. Long time didnt talk to him.. So its nt bad la.. Then TL arrived with games.. then we waited n waited n waited while slacking.. Dunno wat we waiting for but we seem to be waiting for ZQ to finish his dinner. (n he was the one who said to come w your dinner settled. irony.. haha)

n Christmas today.. I went to City Harvest service my the SHSS girls.. their drama was good.. It was evangelistic.. If i knew I would have ask some ppl along.. I thot its a normal service.. anyway the drama was good n i think they are very efficient and well organized!

n aft service, i went with LiHui, Zhiting & ZQ to TM for lunch.. n back home n here I am writing my blog.. hmm, is there more to this for Christmas? hmm.. Mayb nxt yr I will organize something.. haha!

3 years have passed...

This picture was taken some 3 years ago. The original group consist of 5 girls.
Now these 3 girls remain. Suyin has left to form another BS group. Rachel has stopped joining us for BS.


3 years have passed since I first took them for BS.. As with everybody, we started of as strangers. Not only do they not know me, they dont really know one another as well. Our relationship just have to start from zero, except for Ruth and Char who are cousins. =) Thank God that over the years, He blessed our relationship. We may not be fanstastic in Scripture memory, BS, QT, prayer or anything else, but we know wat it means to support & encourage one another. Isnt that what Heb 10:24-25 & John 13:34-35 talks about. When R was about to leave us, I knew the girls made efforts to encourage her.
Now that they are going to join Dunamis and thus leaving me for BS.. There is a sense of.... I dunno.. I know they will be fine, because they are in God's good hand, and non of are are leaving TNT. I am just entrusting them to Dunamis, to SiewLim who will be their new BS leader.. She is a good leader.
I feel like crying now.. The sense of departing saddens me, yet I think crying sounds ridiculous because they are still really going to be around..
To Lingling... You are beloved in my sight. Youngest of them all, you are yet the most faithful and responsible.. Outside BS, you have the ability to connect with people and make people feel comfortable around you. Be bold for the Lord. I love you. =)

To Ruthie... You are a "ruby" in my eye..Having leadership, taking initiative and doing all the chores like washing & mopping, you have no complains. You are the most daring of the lot. Your enthusiatic spirit attracts people to you. Shine for the Lord. I love you. =)

To Santi.. You are precious to me. You love our Lord with a sincere heart, and desire to honor Him in all that you do. I know you truly love the Lord and seek to put Him first in your life and decision making. You show yourself to be real in your struggles and set an example for the others to follow to be real and authentic. Always remain in the love of the Lord and love others. I love you. =)
Our fellowship will remain strong for a long time to come in the future...N noticed how pretty you girls have grown over the years.. Jus compare the photos and you will know! =)

A bit of a breather

Thank God for the time at Starbucks today.. Wanted to go to the Lib but its not open til 11am. So we waited at Starbucks.. She is doing her QT, while I am listening to my MP3.. Spent my QT at home liao k.. hehe.. Whatever we did, it was relaxing la..
Now gg to start thinking about rally le.. What to do what to do.. Actually gg to the lib was to look for some inspiration.. =)

你将要看见比这更大的事！

只是想用中文打字。。想要用我的母语写些什么东西。。没有什么特别想要写的东西，只是想用中文。
我喜爱中文，也喜欢中国历史。很快地我就会去学古筝。

有时看看朋友好像什么都喜欢，什么都想学，可是我没有那种热诚去学习那么多东西。有时想想我是不是太无聊了，是不是应该去学些什么东西来充实自己。可是我也慢慢了解到我只专注于我想做的事，那些对我来说有意义的事。做得太多我做不来，也做不好。

很多人去学车，可是我觉得没有必要。看到人们懂得驾车，有时觉得自己也懂可能也很好，可是却总是没有推动力去学。我想可能学车驾车对我来说是多余的吧。我看开了。。不要去学了。。不要勉强自己去做自己不想做的事，也不要只是跟着别人做他们懂的事。

我的人生要精彩，可是不是什么都要有才会精彩。精彩的人生是有意义的。
耶稣对拿但业说：「 因为我说『在无花果树底下看见你』，你就信吗？你将要看见比这更大的事」；
又说：「我实实在在地告诉你们，你们将要看见天开了，神的使者上去下来在人子身上。」

我心有个渴望，就是能够看见神做的大大的事。因为我的神是有权柄大能的神，所以他要为我做的事也是大大的。大过我所能想象的，因为他有大大的智慧，对我有大大的恩典。。等待吧，只要耐心等待，我必能看见神所做的大事。奉献自己吧，只要我愿意被神所用，我必能成为神所做的大事里的器皿。。

Miss SiewLim and Marge

During retreat, I actually missed being with the staff. Jus being with the staff, I have made 3 trips with them already, and I like sharing room with SL- my official retreat room mate for the past trips! haha! Looking at the pics taken with them at Krabi n ChiangMai, I must say they are a fun lot! =)

Their willingness to try new things, go new places to explore.. All qualities fit for a missionary! haha.. (Kidding la, I nt sure one.. =))

I miss them during the TNT laborers retreat, so much so tt sometimes at night, I would escape to be in SiewLim's and Marge's room. Just lying on their bed and chatting with them. =)

Think Marge find me weird, haha.. Bt I really do miss them.. =)

Where is my promise land?

Back from retreat. Feel a little punctured for work, but thankfully I can work at my own pace and own timing.. I guess this is the priviledge for working at an organization where you are also serving in..

Looking back at all the pics with the teens, I wonder what I have achieved in my 1.5 years of work in TNT, and my many years of being a laborer b4 coming on full time. What have I done in their lives? Is it worth it? Is it significant in any way? The greatest tragedy would be to assume that I have done something significant in their life just bcos I am somehow involve with them in BS, and PT. I would really like to know how I have made a difference. And this is not up to me to evaluate. The staff may not be able to evaluate too cos they may not know everything. Perhaps its not even up to the girls to evaluate because somehow, we are not very sure of the ripples tt goes on in our lives. Only God can evaluate me and tell me how I have been doing. He alone knows the heart of man...

After helping batches after batches of girls, where is all this really leading to? What has all my efforts led to? If I cannot find my answer, I will be running around in circles, trapped in my own wilderness.

As I pray for my 2 friends in Japan and China, my spirit goes out to them in prayer. I long to be there w them somehow. I have not been on a mission for a year now, I miss it. Longing to be with another group of people, knowing God to be real in another place other than Sg, and experiencing the burden and love God has for EVERYONE in this world.

So where is all these leading me to? My responsibility and role in Sg, my longing for the harvest out there, my talent and gift in teaching, my training as a disciple-maker. Where is my promise land? My vision is not yet clarified, I cant see it still.

The Lord's timing is beautiful.. In His time, everything will be beautiful..

Sentosa/ tJ sleepOver

On 1st Dec, when to Sentosa w the gang..we had fun.. bt it was tiring for me. Too old for them! haha..

I had to take breaks, bt I noticed when I take break, they took it w me. So i feel bad and had to carry on n push myself.. no wonder not many can do youth work. that's wat many friends told me..

We went to tJ in the evening and the hightlight for me would be to go to Mustafa at midnight to shop for breakfast the nxt day and to have BS at 9pm.. It was v good time of BS.. We had such a long break b4 tt, good to meet up with them again.. =)
Thanks girls for the good time..

Bt they left at 6pm the nxt day.. I was almost dead man! So tired lo.. haha. Bt as long as they have fun and they can build fellowship among one another, its worth it..Its worth it Lord!!!

Taken during weddings!

Some shots taken during Weddings!
Look at the one Bernice wear skirt! Doesnt she look good in them? She shd just wear more skirts. N guys, no laughing at her when she is just being a lady.. =)

The Attitude of Christ

I was so fed up on Thurs.. Nv felt so fed up in a long time.. Fed up by the mistakes of others that causes me to suffer. Causes me to waste my precious time. I could have done some work or got some rest. I was so fed up that I could not bring myself to talk to her for awhile. I got to cool down..
Then I gotta suffer this "Can you pls hold on cos I am busy.." She was just there, I was just behind her, I just wanna ask a simple question, either a yes or a no. Well, well...
Then Jia reminded me that I got fed up cos I was being inconvenience. Perhaps if I consider the interest of others then I would not have been so fed up. Yet the 1st incident, nonetheless, I dun think I can find any excuse for her for her fault. Since I cant excuse her, I had to forgive her.God, help me to take on the attitude of Christ Jesus..

Last bit on ChiangMai

There was one trip that I didnt go- BhuBing Palace. Look at the Giant Bamboos that they found at the Palace!

They spent a morning at the Palace (they didnt actually went it, more of just hanging ard the garden outside the palace.)I decided not to waste my money looking at flowers and bamboos. So I had a late breakfast with LeeYin, and we both went ard looking for money exchange. Its quite fun jus to explore the area. N we eventually went to a cafe for some reading..Nice way to spend a morning..

Both of our nights are at the night market.. Alot of shopping, but I think night markets are the same everywhere.. Except the Krabi one was really bad.. N took a picture w Marge and Robert at the night market in front of a shop tt sells lights.. haha.. They look like my parents..

Its a blessing to b working w them. Each of them form a covering over me and protect, guide, nurture me in different ways.. So having 6 means tt I am almost fully covered! Its my blessing.. Its God's blessings for me..

ChiangRai(ChiangMai)

On the way to ChiangRai, we went pass a small town which I dunno the name. They brought us to see a hot spring, 3 in fact. It was quite cool but its not meant for bathing inside cos of the sulfur content.. But what made it very uncool is tt the villlagers cook eggs and bamboo shoots inside.. eh, uncool ya..

In CR, we visited the minority tribes.. The most interesting one would be the Karen-Long Necked Tribe..And one thing I noticed, the way the ladies of tt tribe sits, they are so demure.. and even the young girls..

And yes, one achievement for me, other than travelling on the Mekong, is actually to be standing at the most northern tip of thailand.. that is where we see the Union of Myanmar! It feels so part of history to be there.. I dunno why, and i cant explain myself clearly too.. its just awesome..

CM Trip Highlights

There were several highlights for me during the trip. The BIGGEST one would be to be able to see the Mekong River and the priviledge of travelling on it. I was so touched while I was on it (I travelled on it to go to Laos!) =)
Mekong River, the river that gave life to many many people living in many countries. Mekong River is not grand when u look at it, but knowing it it connects me to many different countries, especially to my friends in China, I cant help but feel its majesty.

The next highlight would be to enter Laos and then to be able to see Myanmar.. haha.. We didnt enter Myanmar cos we didnt bring passport along, and somemore we got to pay US20dollars if we wanna enter it..

This trip to Laos takes us 4 hours of travelling from ChiangMai to ChiangRai. Its in ChiangRai tt we took the boat, traveled on the Mekong. It is in another small town in ChiangRai, called MaeSai, tt we saw Myamnar..

Oh yes coming to ChiangRai, we went to the Golden Triangle.. So COOOOOOOL! I am always very fascinated by triad, drugs, the "underworld". to be able to be there and to feel the connection, it once again amazes me.. haha!

Many didnt wanna come cos of the long journey.. Took us 4 hrs car ride to get there.. and another 4 hours to come back. I know tt actually KY not very onz for htis kinda thing one. So nxt time go backpack cannot find him.. haha.. Robert, SL and LY more onz!!

ChiangMai Trip

Here are some pictures taken during the ChiangMai Trip Oct 2007.

These are the Airport pictures.. Some are gg there, some are coming back.. =)

When we reached CM Airport, the very business minded ppl immediately put a garland of jasmine ard our neck and took a pic for us.. Then later they asked us to buy the picture from them for 100 baht i think..

Never Tired of him!!!!!!!!!!!

Dearly Loved Children

“所以你们该效法神,好像蒙慈爱的儿女一样。”Ephesians 5:1
蒙慈爱的儿女是怎样的呢？他们是有着怎样的行为？蒙慈爱的儿女应该是懂得慈爱的，他们懂得用慈爱去对待他人，怜悯有需要的人。

“也要平爱心行事,正如基督爱我们,为我们舍了自己,当作馨香的供物和祭物,献与神。”Ephesians 5:2
爱是舍己为人，就像基督一样。有爱的人生是充满香气的，感染别人，为身边的人带来喜悦，安慰，和平。在没有爱的人的身边，就像是充满臭味的。没有一丝的愉快，只有为身边的人带来烦恼。爱的人生不仅仅是为身边的人带来香气，同样也是给神至圣的祭品。

我懂得爱吗？也许我不是很懂得，可是只要我是基督徒我就不能不懂什么是爱－因为神爱我们。我有责任懂得去爱。只有靠着神给予的智慧我才会懂得好好去爱。虽然爱是没有逻辑，没有理由，可是爱需要大大的智慧。

今天有了个小小的发现。原来爱是会把我变成另一个人－成为一个更像基督的人。

I have a preliminary thought. This thought is based on the assumption that you believe that relationship between God and man should guide the relationship between man and woman. If you are experiencing BGR, and you are not sure if this is love, just evaluate and ask yourself if this love is helping you to become more Christ-like? If you are even more insecure, more self-centered than before, then perhaps you need to re-look at the relationship. Any love inspired by God will transform us to His image.

When there is nothing you wan to say, or simply too much to say til you dun wanna say.. Jus have pictures!!!

Crying in sleep

Dreamt of Oliver again.. Twice in my dream of him, I wept quite bitterly.. Is it about him, or its about me? Do I have so much sorrow within me that I wept otherwise, but only in my sleep?

I prayed for him, and I wrote him to let him know that he is loved. There is nothing else that I know how to do.

Today is a day of rest in my definition. Day of rest means I dun hv to rush meeting people, and can catch up with my reading and BS prep at a leisure pace.. So is that rest ah? Actually I dunno leh.. I do feel a little tired at this moment, and I have not been sleeping too well. There are still many people I want to meet, but there are only 7 days in 1 week and I cant really meet them all. With Santi & Ruth's O lvl coming to an end, I hope to have more time to meet them as well.. Am I tired? Well I am slightly. Do I wanna meet them? U bet! haha..

Losing out??

Did I lose out on anything when I decided to serve God as a full-timer?

Definitely.. Prospects, money.

During the interview, the interviewer asked me whether I know how much my contemporary are getting? I know that in this aspect, I lose out big time, big big time..

RX say he admire my courage to join full time.. But I admired those who went to work and decide to quit their work then join full time much much more. Those are the people who have enjoyed their good and stable pay, good prospect and career development. Yet having count the cost, they decided to pay the price.

On another aspect, I also gained big big time! The spiritual input my band of leaders has poured into my life, the time invested in the lives of others and the experience of God's blessings. There can be no other thing to replace the 1 and half year experience as a full timer. I am glad that I have done it, bcos I am not so sure if I have the courage to do it again.

God will not lead me where His grace cannot keep me. Sensing His leading, I know His grace is sufficient for me...

Vision for the World, Heart for the Individual

Through the PEP these past 3 days, there is 1 important thing that God impressed upon my heart.

"A Vision for the World, A Heart for the Individual"

There may be many important things in life for us to pursue, but I think I have decided to pursue the above in my life. Do you call it a life motto? Well, whatever it is called, this is it! This may change in the future or it may remain with me for as long as I live.

爱是什么？

爱是凡是包容，凡是相信，凡是盼望，凡是忍耐。爱是永不止息。

因为要一直包容，因为要在无法相信下继续相信，因为要在绝望中继续盼望，因为要在无法忍受下继续忍耐，所以爱也带来了许多痛苦。可是因为爱是永不止息，所以再痛，再绝望，再无法忍耐，还是要继续下去。因为爱是永不止息。。。

籍着祷告，又找到了爱的力量。。。

主默然爱我

主默然爱我。他爱我的心不是言语所能表达的，也不是人心所能体会的。

大多时候主都是静静在试探我。对我的这份爱，即使是用言语来表达，我想我也不会明白。很多时候，我不明白神对我的苦心所以埋怨他，逃离他。他只是默默地接受，默默爱我。他对我的爱，就是这般怜悯，这般慈爱。。。

只有明白了他的心，知道了他的好，我才能与神更亲近。上帝说，我不是他的仆人，而是他的朋友。仆人不知道主人的心，可是朋友的心却是透露给朋友知道的。

Silence, Solitude, Slow...

Coming here used to be a dread. It’s boring and not fun. But now, I do enjoy the time here especially when I am alone. It gives me time to be in solitude, just doing things alone. I guess it recharges me ready to go and face people again. When I finished all my work, I even have time to pray and read the Word. I am thankful for my time here.

Its time like this that I am forced to be quiet, reflect and slow down. Otherwise I would be rushing and rushing. Actually I feel bad that I am always ill prepared for my staff meeting. Robert would send the meeting agenda but then I always only take a look at them and off my pc. I just don’t have the desire to sit and look through the documents. Well, there are times when I looked through the things that I am supposed to, but then there are no thoughts or questions on my part la… anyway, not an excuse, I really do need to spend more time to be thinking through the things discussed at meeting, to be ready to contribute.

Talk about rushing… I think I walked too fast. ZQ say I walked too fast. How hard it is for me to walk slowly. I need time to wind down. Pastor Andrew say that his Sabbath has to be more than 3 months because the body takes about 3 months to slowly wind down and then the proper rest will only come in after the 3rd month. I realized that even in my strolling I need time to wind down to a strolling pace. When I first start strolling, I would be at a walking pace. After about an hour, I found that my pace begin to slow down and my body begin to relax.

Solitude, Silence, Slow is good… sometimes… haha…

Back from retreat

I am tired out from the retreat.. Think its more of a camp. I enjoy the messages, but the social part of me drains me out.. to be with nt so familiar people for 5 days.. I hardly have space to rest.

Anyway, I am tired.. Non-stop working after coming back fr retreat. I need to take a break, I need to sleep more.

Moving out of comfort zone

Going for retreat tomorrow. Not particularly looking forward to it… But since I have got to be there, I intend to make the most of my time there… Shall watch my diet, shall swim, shall get the most out from the speaker, shall pray a lot, shall read a lot!

What a luxury to be a full time staff! But I intend to give up this luxury…

I think more and more, God is telling me to move on, to experience some other challenges He has in store for me. Underneath all these challenges, I know is God’s intention to make me more mature, to be more like Him, to experience His strength and His grace. I don’t know why, but somehow being in full time for one and a half year now, I feel a little slack and very much in my comfort zone. I very much desire to get out of my comfort zone. I feel stagnant and I want to grow, and I know that there are such things as growing pains. Not only in our physical life such as puberty, but also in our spiritual life.

God has been challenging me. His message to me is consistent. I need to go through a bit more in my life. So I intend to do so. With all excitement and some fears. However the questions are, where will I go to? Will I be able to make it? I don’t know the answers to them all.

As for now, I will continue to challenge myself in my current work/ministry. There are some challenges that I am currently facing. I am glad that God has helped me to face them positively so that I grow from it. =)

神要造就一个可用之材，就把他放在风雨之中，让他经过风雨的生活.风要来就让它来吧，雨要下，我也没有办法。因为耶和华是我的庇护，是我的保障。

船到桥头自然直

“Your Word is a light to my feet and a lamp to my path.” God's Word does not illuminate your whole future before you exactly and in all the details. But His Word will definitely guide the step before me and the path before me.

His Word, just like His grace is sufficient for today, is enough for the step and the path before me. Many times I worry ahead of time, and I fall out of His grace. I often need to be reminded that God’s grace is sufficient for me moment by moment I need it.

As I pray and ponder over my future step, many worries and concerns often cloud my thinking. With all these worries harassing me, I cannot think with clarity. I need the wisdom of God to get out of these confusions. And I need the promise of God to assure me that He will not lead me where His grace cannot keep me.

船到桥头自然直。Perhaps this is the Chinese understanding of God's grace. God may or may not remove all the obstacles ahead of us before we meet with it. He has no need to deliver us out of danger before we meet with it. As a Chinese, perhaps I just need to understand 船到桥头自然直. As a Christian, I need to believe that God's grace will be there when I need it. And I need to know that worrying only cause me to doubt God's grace for me. So stop worrying LiJie...

Trust, Love and Dance!

There are a lot of nice movies that makes lots of sense..

"When a love needs proof, there is no trust. And when there is no trust, there is no love." (From the movie, The Butterfly.)

I won't say that I have some great truth to apply from this, just thought that it makes a lot of sense...

Trust and Love. Have thought about it before... Its difficult to trust others to love you, difficult to trust that they really do love you. Because human always demands others to love us the way we want them to. And essentially, people always love self more than others. Isnt it true? Can I really trust anyone to love me? I don't know. God, you need to help me.

"In dance, man always takes the lead. And the woman follows. The man does not dominate with his strength, rather he invites you (the woman) to join him in his steps. There is as much strength needed in following, as in leading." (From the movie, Take The Lead)

Wonderful show about dancing.. Makes me wonder if I should learn ballroom dancing! heehee.. So biblical.. beginning to think that relationship, is like dancing Waltz. The man lead, the woman follows. There will be time when the woman dances better, then she needs to help the man to find his steps. The woman needs to trust the man in leading, otherwise there will be no following. Every dance is a journey that the man bring the woman on. The two shall become one in the dance.

I'm going show it to my girls and help them learn about biblical relating with guys.. =)

More Pictures =)

More pictures from Jasline from the night when we celebrating Doreal's bday =)

Finally realised that pictures means that we can retain memories.. Nv use to like to take pictures so much.. Once again to emphasize, I think these people influence me la! haha.. =) Seriously taking pictures with them are fun! Jus a time to be crazy and leave memories behind..

Thanks friends for all the memories each of you have made in my life..


Slurp, Slurp Slurp!!

I also dunno why Jia and me stare at each other like this! haha!!

Smile smiles.. =)