Kids without Shepherd

I need to debrief myself for today's program.

There were many kids who came, many demanding attention, many who were rowdy etc.. Actually I dont feel overwhelmed.. I just need to sharpen my skills in knowing how to respond in a shorter time.

But I have the opportunity to impart valuable lessons for them today. Themes on honesty, sportsmanship and teamwork were all part of the debrief.

What is the more important learning point for me is that I find that I grew a little in my understanding of them, which also increases my empathy and hopefully makes me more effective in handling the children.

Really, the kids world are either black or white. That's why they are often very caught up with what is fair and what is not? If things are unfair to their advantage, of course they have no issue with it. But problems come if the situation is unfair to their disadvantage. I use to hate it when they come to me and scream unfairness into my ears. But come to think about it, the world really is unfair at times, but how do I help them to cope with this injustice. Before they know the good Lord, the Judge who rules and is Sovereign, how then can they cope with this sense of injustice in their heart?

"They are harrassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." I am thankful that I can input a little in their lives and that I may be like a shepherd. Each one of us needs an anchor in our hearts to guide us in our life direction. Without the anchor, we are lost, confused, harrassed, and ultimately purposely. I hope to build up that anchor in them that they may know how to direct their lives.

Restore their hearts Lord. Restore them that they may learn to trust, to take steps of faith in their lives to live their live to the fullness. You have come to give us life and life more abundantly..Thank you Lord

Every child is precious!

The children surprised me today when they were so well-behaved. Normally, they would refuse to leave the computer room when it comes to tea-break time. But today they do not have much difficulty doing that. Best of all is that before they come out, they remember to off the lights and air con, off the computer and the Wii. Of course some things were left undone but I am happy enuff!

I make it a point to remember to praise them! And praise them I did! They were so proud! Normally they would be singled out for mistakes and problems that they create, who would actually praise them? Can you imagine the impact it would have on them?

N this same group of boys actually took out the table and started studying on their own! I nearly fainted from pure delight! haha... I love them..

of course initially they were jsut copying.. But I make it a point to look through what they did. Some I refuse to mark their work because it was jsut copy work. But you know what made them treat their work seriously???? I have to narrate this story... =)

Fan was just copying the answers at the back of the book. I marked a little, told him to re-do some.. That of course didnt help cos he was still copying the 2nd and 3rd time round. What finally made him to be serious was when Danial started reading out the comments at the end of his page (I write a comment for every piece of work they gave me for marking). Maybe something in the comment inspired Fan to finally decide to try.. I was so touched.. I wanted to cry.. And he did try! When he passed me the book, he was so conscious of the mistakes he would make. But at the end I wrote him something and thank him for allowing me to mark him book. I would not see any expression on his face which betray his emotions. But I know that God is working in his heart.

In each of their hearts, God is working. Changing them, molding them, uplifting them... When you are serious with them, they take you seriously.. When you hand onto them, they do not give up on themselves. Sometimes, they depend on your strength to carry on.. They look at your faith in them to have faith in themselves.. God protect them from the evil one..

Every child is precious!

I need God..

I want to commit myself to write down about the children as long as I reflect on anything about them. The more I talk to SH, somehow the more I find that there is so much work to be done. O God, give me your patience and your wisdom.

Ry and Ami seems to be a little hard to receive instructions lately. They seem to want to play and play and unable to do anything else. When they come, they just want to play. Ami have been a little easily upset recently. Need to call his parents. Today I am so reminded that we need to be work in partnership with the parents. Jia works in school and her busy-ness does not give her this privilege to talk so much to the parents. But I am in a position to do so, and I want to do it. To talk to the parents about the children. Really I enjoy talking to the parents! ha!

But today I am also reminded that I need to also interact with other systems who are influences the students such as the schools. Pray that God will open the door for the school to meet up with us and for us to know them. I know this will be so much more effective if we collaborate with one another.

When I think about the amount of improvements that need to be made but I cant really sort them out clearly, I feel frustrated at myself. I want to neaten things out. I want to make it good and better. How should I do it? Oh man, I need divine wisdom and alot of focus. But when I have got other demands that takes up my energy, where else can I summon all those demands?

At the end of the day, the conclusion of the matter is this: I need God.. Love you my Lord..

Masked or unmasked?

To live an authentic life before self and others is an ideal I always pursue.. I try hard to maintain it, at the cost of my privacy. I truly desire to do that.

If I am a little more private, would I have less troubles in my life? If I am a little more guarded, perhaps I can do more without caring so much..

Do I want to hold on to my ideal? What on earth is it for? To live an authentic life before others was for the girls that I helped that they may know me. As I desire to share their lives, I am willing to share my lives with them.

I find that I am shifting again. It feels scary to shift from what I am so familiar with. Yet it feels so tiring to hold on to what I am so familiar with. A sense of responsibility and accountabilty holds me on tightly to what I am doing. Almost breathless, almost to my breaking. But I thought God is my All Sufficient. I should be able to do everything through Him who gives me strength, unless I am doing it wrongly. My Lord, my Lord.. I am at my breaking.. I cannot keep up with all the people you have entrusted to me. I am sorry. I want to pick them up again, yet I find no energy to do so. Or have I lost my focus? Am I too distracted?

Attracted by the glitters and sparkles in life, I find myself too attracted to the new and interesting things in life. As my interest grows (I dont dare to claim that it is passion yet), I fear that my interest will not last that long. I have been in Nav for 13 years. I feel the steam going out. Is it a question of passion? A matter of focus? Or do I just need some rest? What is it about?

What I once thought was my life direction, I think I have shifted. I dont dare to claim anything anymore. I fear to make such proclaimations of my life purpose and vision as it worry that it will reflect how foolish I am when i look back at myself few years down the road.

What can do I do the rest of my life? What does God want for the rest of my life? I long to stay long in a place, but I also fear the prospects of long unfruitful and boring years. Conflict is within me. The desire to commit long term, yet the fear of unfruitfulness. So I fear failure too much to commit?

Many possibilities before me, much doubts within me, past fears haunts me.. But to God I hold onto.. for there is no one else and nothing else...