Christmas Day

What do one do on a Christmas Day? I spent my whole morning trying to update my next year's schedule and getting my appointment diary in shape. Got this yesterday. I spent almost 2 hours searching for this. Its the best among all that I have seen.
Why spend 2 hours on searching? My rationale is that since I am going to use it for 1 whole year, I better make sure I love it!
I guess I am rather particular when it comes to certain choices that I make. There are many many things I am very qing chai about- anything also can. So I make very fasy decisions cos they dont really matters alot. But if it is going to affects me for a long time, I will invest time in researching and choosing. I made a new discovery of myself just from choosing a diary =) I guess this is why I decided to back out from the marriage.. I still needed time...
Ok, so what else do one day on a Christmas Day. Its to upload some overdue pictures!!

Yeah, Serene passed me her wedding pics.. (Hers the only wedding I got the full set of wedding pics. Thanks for sharing=) )So I am going to share some of my favorites here. =)
Will not show so much of her here cos I have not gotten her permission..


The preparations...





The posed...







The Church...




The Night...





Ok, what do one do for the rest of Christmas? I am going for a jog.. =)

N just received an sms.. On Christmas Day, someone had accept the Lord into her life.. The joy is immense.. Praise God.. He made all things possible.. Love you my Lord..

Reflection on a game

Angel and mortal game taught me 2 things.

Firstly, it’s more blessed to give than to receive. When you give, your reward is not in the person giving you thanks directly. The joy comes from seeing the smile on your mortal’s face. When no one applauds you, you know your reward is in heaven.

Secondly, it taught me to receive with gladness and grace. It’s a demonstration of grace when I have done nothing to deserve the gift. The other time it happened in our lives is when Christ gave His life for us.

Usual Life, but not back to Normal

As i went to walk this morning, I had a sense that my day is going to be different. Perhaps its the afterglow of the camp. It was wonderful in terms of how I encounter God. I did not learn much through the messages as I really didnt attend manu of them, but the encounter with God was brilliant.

N in the afternoon at work, as I was busy with things, I decided that I should just sit with 2 girls and spend time with them. This girl was wearing a shirt that says "Agape". Naturally I went on to talk about unconditional love. Then after awhile, I had my bible with me. And I showed them the passage on love and they read. They went on to read Genesis. I remembered I just got a children's devotional bible tat morning, so I took it to them and we all read together. It was amazing. I didnt have to push for it to happen and I am glad that God orchestrated it all to happen, how i had my bible, my children's devotional bible etc etc =)

Life is back to the routine of work, but it is definitely not back to normal already. I am so glad God gave me this priviledge of reading bible with 2 malay girls. I believe the Word will take root in their hearts and bear fruits. Pray for them if you read this.

May God bless you...

Local Missionary!

I am a missionary, but different from the others, I work in Singapore! haha!!

i work in a cross-cultural context in a local setting, I feel as if I am becoming less and less like a Chinese already! But thankfully, my love for the Chinese culture is strong enough to keep me rooted and not confused.

Everyday, I face non-Chinese at work almost 90% of the time. My awareness stop at the factual level initially. However, more and more, I find that emotionally and spiritually, I am beginning to respond to this fact. I need to be reflecting to myself what it may mean to me. Its just different working in a cross-cultutal context...

2 Peter 1:3-5

Went to Sentosa today with the youths. J's brother, N, was also there. As I was feeling tired, and he was feeling shy to join the group, so we happen to sit together and had a nice chat. It was a nice chat we have but I forgot to tell him.

He is 19 years old and going to the army. Just 3months ago, he told me he was going to be married with his girlfriend in 2009. But found out today that they just broke up. His girlfriend cant accept him for who he is, he said.

Given his golden dyed hair, tattoo-ed body, and some other behaviors different from mine, it seems a little strange that he is talking to me about acceptance. He even said that he does not want his girlfriend to be a gang member, does not want her to smoke and drink, and go to pub. Perhaps everyone really desire to be normal and accepted.

He's a rather nice chap, tends to like to boast about his past misdeeds that all. But given the background and the people whom he mixes with, what else can he boast about other than his misdeeds? How else can he command the respect of others if not for the fact that he belongs to the presumably largest and therefore most powerful secret society in Singapore.

As I reflect about this, my heart aches for the young people. For survival, they have to cling on to anything they can find. If it means to be in a gang, then so be it.

Lord, your divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of you who called us by your own glory and goodness. (So give these youths and children a sense of your personal calling and a glimpse of your glory and goodness. There really can be more to life than this). Through them, you have given us your very great and precious promises, so that through them, we may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desire. (Each of them need your help to escape the corruption in the world. Deliver them Lord...) 2 Peter 1:3-5

A box of ice-cream

Met this 16 years old at my corridor while I was on my way home. He was pushing a cool box and as I walked by him, he asked me if I wanted to buy a box of ice-cream from him. He said he is saving up for his polytechnic education. He claimed that a box of ice-cream was $12 and he is selling at $14.90 because he wants to earn a little.

Well, a side of me wanted to belive him, but the other side of me was a little skeptical. I needa little time to think so I showed him where I stayed and said perhaps he should go and ask my mother if she wanted the ice-cream. But as I stepped into the house, he didnt even have to say anything, I begin to dig out money from my wallet. I guess I decided that I want to risk believing in him.

I donno if I might have been cheated. Maybe he might be laughing at me and say what a fool I am.. But it does not matter. Wisdom and foolishness really depends on which side you stand on. Widsom to the world is foolishness to Christ, and the reverse is true.

For the sake of Christ, I am willing to be a fool.

Counseling..

While waiting for my appointment with Santi, I realised that I donno what to do. I could have prepared for camp, prepare for work, read etc etc.. But I dont have the materials I need at home. I wanted to go tJ but there is not enough time. So anyways, here I am typing my blog.

My sup asked me what counseling model I think I wanna go into more details and learn it. Different models suit different people. I wonder if I can go into christian counselling. Other than this kinda of counseling, I am not sure if I can make sense of wat the other counseling models are talking about. Or rather, I am nt sure if I can be convinced of wat the rest of the models tries to convince people.

I want to base my work upon the word of God. I need to check with her if it is possible to go into christian counseling in our centre. Anyway, if not, I really needa know what i can learn and apply already.

Learning and applying a particular model can really change a person's outlook and perspective. Its like a lens that you view the world from. If what I learn is not going to be sound biblically, I worry that what I say to people would nt be truth. But of course, saying this, even if some claimed to be christian counseling, i still need to evaluate it based on the word of God.

Love you so much, Jesus, Love you so much... How my soul longs for you, longs to worship you forever.. For you are my strength and shield...

Smoothie Smoothie!

I want to give thanks to God for the program yesterday. Because D is on leave, so I am prety concerned that I will not be able to cope with the program! (You never know how emo the children can be sometimes!) anyway, so I thought I better have an engaging program that they will enjoy and that I dont need to deal with them running around becuase of boredom.

So we made Smoothie! heehee.. Well, perhaps personally I like to cook so I guess that makes things easier =) And before we made the smoothie, we had a Treasure Hunt where the kids have to find all their materials =) I am pretty excited as I combined these ideas from a book and it actually works! To see theory translating into reality is exciting =)

If you wonder how does making smoothie and treasure hunt benefit the children, let me tell you! haha! Other than having fun, it helps them to be willing to read. They may be unwilling to read in a textbook context, but giving them a recipe and treasure hunt clues certaintly motivates them to read =)

Anyway, though they were excited about making smoothie, they didnt actually like to drink it. I guess its a little sour with all the fruits together...They love the ice-cream that top the smoothie rather than their smoothie. But its ok, they dont have to like what I love =)

Thank God, Thank God, Thank God! Thank You Lord!

简单

生活可以很简单，可是不要做个头脑简单的人．我发觉在简单的生活中, 只要你用心去看一个人，往往会认识一些不平凡的人。

我慢慢知道为什么辽阔的天空让我感到害怕。。。因为天空太辽阔，人就变得太渺小。我害怕变得渺小。。可是真正伟大的人并不是因为世界小所以他伟大。这样一来的话，我可以生活在蚂蚁群中。真正伟大的人是因为他超越了自己在辽阔世界中的极限， 伟大的人使再大的世界也变得渺小。。

我不要害怕辽阔的天。辽阔的天有我无限可能的发挥。我并没有想要超越天，可是我要超越一种人生的无奈。我的生命是丰盛的，因为我认识我主。

我要简单的过我的生活。不代表我的头脑简单。

天空

来到了更辽阔的天空，才知道世界可以更小．　有一点担心自己会不会习惯这样大的天空．．原来世界的大小并不是用空间的大小来衡量．

Lucas' picture

Lucas is so cute.. I am reluctant to say that he is a joker lest he get into the role of a joker. But he is really cute la.. =) Jus sharing my joy with you =)

Affirmed by God

Been reading Ajith Fernando's book. Its not that interesting or easy to read, but it has great value.

I have been taking some time to rest. This time to break away from work gives me time to think about work. Haha.. Its not an irony. Its a time for rest and reflection. I have been working hard. But I dont feel right. At times I question my motivation for doing so.

When I was full time in Navs, its easier to say that you are working for God. But right now, working with others in the office, and with a manager above me, I feel this need to perform. For the past few months perhaps, I have lost touch of how it feels to work for God and Him alone. When pressure comes, I lost sight of my dear Master to whom I should ultimately account to.

Coupled with this reason is also the need to prove my worth. I realise that I have been working so hard not because I so love my work. But its because I have tied my worth so closely to my job. I have focused my worth on the output of my job and my performance at work. No wonder I worked so hard. If my work crash, I would crash.

So so dangerous to anchor my worth on the outcome of my work. I feel so childish. And yet again, God is my Deliverer.

Peter said, "To whom shall I go? You have the word of eternal life." I am insane without God. I am praying for reliance on Him daily that I may follow Him closely and listen to Him intently.

Good deeds

It is interesting to me how one good deed begets another good deeds.

Today I was really tired from work and I slept on the bus. When I woke up and was till feeling lerthagic, I saw THREE elderly walk up the bus. At first it was just 1 elderly, and I was still waiting.... (that means refusing to get up from my seat! ha!) Then when I saw another 2 slowly walking up, I knew I had to stand.

Well, there was just one seat and definitely, only 1 can sit. But after awhile, another man stood up and then after another short while, another man gave up his seat. Its beautiful to see 3 people giving up seats to 3 needy elderly.

Interestingly, I gave up my seat to an Indian elderly. An Indian man gave up his seat to a Chinese elderly and a China PRC gave up his seat to a Singaporean lady elderly =)

I guess one act of good triggered another to do good and then another. I donno, but I guess so.

勇气

有死的勇气，为什么不要活着勇敢面对生活？听起来很俗气，可是我真的找不到还有什么好说的。

Recently there seems to have increasing cases of teens committing suicide being reported. I wonder if it’s a trend. Remember there was a Japanese movie on the theme of teen’s suicide. It’s as if it’s a fashion statement to commit suicide.

Fancy writing a 1000 word essay to her own mother before her jump. Asking for forgiveness and asking her mother not to be sad. Does she think that her mother has a choice when she made those requests? Seems noble ah. Asking your own mother not to be sad when you die. What crap!!!!! How can your own mother not be sad when you commit suicide???? How selfish of you to want your way in all that you do and hope that your mother will not be sad! No wonder you don’t have the brains to continue to live on.

If you got the guts to commit theft, sniff glue, rebel against your parents etc etc, then why don’t you have the guts to face the music? Maturity comes when you accept responsibility for your own actions. (I feel silly to sound like I am talking to a dead and I don’t even know her.)

Perhaps the only answer to my many “whys” is that evil is here to tarnish the image of God.

I feel helpless seeing the many teens being delivered into the hands of the evil one. Even if I am in social work, my efforts are limited because many still chooses to walk the opposite way from God.

It’s easy to say that you want to marry work and ministry or make work your ministry. But as I think about it, it’s really hard to have a good biblical foundation in your work. Usually, the foundational structures of secular work are founded upon secular values and principles. Even in Christian organizations, there seems to have Christ-like values but it’s also mixed with secular principles.

Lord, I pray that you build in my work your foundation- the foundation that is everlasting. Your foundation is truth, is love and life.

Father, I pray for the many teens and children in the world who are being held captive by the evil one. I pray that you deliver them from the evil one and have mercy on them.

Children and Dream

I saw S coming late for the program. He looked so tired as he carried the table to do his work. Then I decided to give him a big smile.. He kinda looked at me suspiciously, paused for awhile in his step and then walked toward me. Bingo!

I checked with him how he is that day. And he walked away to do his work. He did his work diligently for the rest of the time. Ater awhile I walked to him and helped him a little with his work. He seems very receptive and willing to learn.

I dont know when does the ice started to melt between us. But it did that day =)

As for N, sometimes I find him, hmmm... hard to understand. Actually he is good at heart. There were moments when he showed his kind side. Yet most of the time, he cannot show respect to people in speech, especially to those younger than him.

Whatever it is, thank God for the children. Thank God for the youth.

Oh yes, i had a dream. In my dream were the faces of the children and the youth. And then in another scene of my dream, I saw many post-sticks with my names on each and everyone. I woke wondering what the dream meant? I guess its because I feel responsible over many things. I woke up and commit my burdens to God.. Thank you my Lord..

Faith vs Understanding

Speaking to Abang enlightened me on some of the struggles that I am experiencing. Change is awkward and requires a lot of energy. I hate to admit it, but I am affected.

I recognize some of the tension I feel within myself. Being able to recognize them helps me. To be able to identify the cause of the tension releases some tension.

Essentially, it boils down to what I think I want and what I really want. It is reflected in the little things in life, but it just irks me. The little bits build up into a huge tension. I need to be more true to myself and admit what I really want.

What do I really want in my life, job and relationships?

I thought I could be happy with what I have, and make do with what I like. But I think I am not.

When I was in Nav, everything seems so purposeful. Everything I do it contributing to the KOG. Right now, I spend about 10 hours of my day from Monday to Friday working and working but I don’t know what I am doing. Is what I am doing purposefully building up the KOG?

Then I read Ephesians 6:7. “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.”
Perhaps now is the time to just keep serving the Lord without asking for the purpose, reasons or the returns. Just keep serving and loving.

I remember Joseph in the house of Potiphar as slave, in the prison as a prisoner and serving in the courts of Pharaoh. Nothing makes sense. All that he went through makes no sense to us limited in wisdom and understanding. Yet he went through the times serving whole-heartedly. Only at the end did he understand that he had to go through all that he went through to save his people from 7 years of famine. He had not depended on reasons or understanding to persevere in his trials.

My Lord, I am limited in wisdom and understanding. Your ways are higher than my ways and your wisdom higher than mine. I do not see many things but you see from the beginning to the end. Grant me not understanding but Trust in you. Grant me not knowledge but unwavering Faith. Grant me HOPE and PURPOSE in you. Grant me undying LOVE for you that your burden becomes my burden and your heartbeat my passion.

Thorn in the flesh

I have a thorn in my flesh. I did not ask God to remove it because I think He will not do it. Because He did not do it for Paul.

I hate this thorn. It’s very frustrating as you know that its there but yet you can’t remove it.

The thorn of pride, thorn of insecurities and others that I may not even know. They eat into me and hurt me daily. (Ok, maybe daily is quite exaggerated but recently it is frequent enough to qualify for daily.) They remind me of my weaknesses but I often forget about God’s grace which is sufficient for me. I see the thorns and forget the grace and power that is perfected in my weakness.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

I plead with you Lord that you guard my walk with you. May the faith which you have placed in me become purer with the testing of each trial.

Adventure!

On my one hour bus journey to office today, i stumbled into an adventure!!!! And I had to blog about it! Haha!

An Indian man got up the bus and sat opposite me. Innocent enough, he sat opposite me for the next half an hour. Fir the first few minutes, I thought there was something strange about his pants. I wondered if he forgot to zip up his pants cos I thought I saw something unusual. But anyway, it was so insignificant that I dismissed it away. As I was casting my eyes around in the bus 10-15mins later, I saw that the unusual thing at the zipper area of his pants had grew! I tried to looked at his eyes, but he was wearing a red cap so his eyes was being blocked. Then I looked at his private part again. It has indeed grew!Oops, sorry maybe grow is not the right word. Enlarge is a better word.

I ascertain that he was a pervert who does this intentionally! I felt uneasy and unsafe. And I feel concern for the rest of the ladies beside me. By then it was nearing my stop. My nature told me to just get off the bus and forget about it. But 2 seconds later, I caught myself and felt that I had to do something about it! I am a social worker and I need to uphold social justice! haha! So i walk to the bus driver and informed him. That pervert saw me doing it and then got off the bus. Another passenger overheard me and told the bus-driver to tell the pervert off. I dont know what happened next as I just got down the bus. But the last I saw was that the pervert also got off the same stop as me! hmmm, i was afraid of being stalk by him! haha..

If i sound excited to you, pls dont get me wrong. I am not excited about meeting a pervert. But the fact that you have to deal with a pervert gives you an adrenaline rush that causes you to sound excited! haha..

I want to laugh at the pervert who tried to scare me! I think he just picked the wrong target! =)

getaways

I didn’t know it entailed so much. I thought it was just a simple getaway for the kids. Yet there are skills involved in the preparation too. I guess it is like this working with children. Every little thing counts.

Thank God for C who debriefed with me on all these. I learnt a lot today. Yet I am still at fault because I could have find out more. It was my first time leading a getaway for the children, I should have find out more from the rest. Yet again, I also wished that the rest could come and tell me more about what to expect and how to prepare. I don’t know who to blame for the outcome. Maybe there don’t need to have something or someone to blame. Yet the part about “I should have…” and “They should have…” keep lingering around.

I also wonder if the children are to be responsible for the disappointing event today. But I realized that if we can prepare them enough, then they might enjoy themselves more. Therefore it’s a shared responsibility perhaps.

Today I learnt:
1. I can find out more details from the organizing parties so that…
o I can prepare the children better as to what to expect.
o Advice the children on how they can prepare themselves for the program.
2. Prepare the children for the program by…
o Reminding them of good behaviors
o Reminding them to participate so that they can really enjoy the event.
o Convey my expectations to them of the above points.

Thank you Lord for your grace that helps me learnt an important lesson. Pray that the lessons the children learnt today would bring positive impacts in their lives and carry them for a long time to come.

Really, Lord, it’s not easy for me to be with the children. Strengthen me to embrace the challenge. Grant me a sensitive spirit that I may your message for them each day. In Christ’s name… Amen

Training.. Intimacy

Saw Jia's blog and click on the China girls' gymnastic. Wanted to cry when I see them train. I wonder if I am touched or sad. I still dont know. And sadly, I dont have time to dwell in that emotion and wonder what is it that clicks in my heart. Maybe its the fact that they reminded me of the circus training their animals. N to see the girls working so hard for a mere medal breaks my heart. I wonder what their future will be like if they do not get chosen into the Olympics. It's harsh reality. I pray that the training will build up not only their physical but also their soul and spirit.

Heard from a friend that the Orientation Camp in the Unis are playing gross games like guy and girl locking their lips, and guys doing push up on top of a girl, etc etc. N apparently, they are being sponsored by SDU.

I seriously wonder if they have mistaken physical intimacy with emotional, intellectual and spirtual intimacy. Too sadly, many have thought that being close physically wil bring intimacy into the other aspects of their lives. N SDU and the Unis are advocating that!

Lord, open our eyes to see the truth. Grant our students' leader wisdom that they stand firm against foolish acts.

What affects me nowadays...

How do you determine your worth? What makes you happy or sad? Recently as I watched some Sg-M'sia drama on TV, I find jealousy a strange and distant emotion. As if it had never touch me before. I have forgotten what it means to be sad over a BGR, and I wonder if I would ever feel that way again. Seeing the girl so crazy and emotionally unstable over a guy who does not love her, it seems out of place in my life.

Only 9 kids turn up for program today. I like the small group. R was responsive to me today. I hope to be able to build up relationship with him during the moments when he is feeling ok. I want to build on the good moments.

I used to be afriad to let kids know that they are wrong or that their work are far from ideal. But I realise that I had to present the reality to them, and trust God that they can handle it. If I protect them from the reality of how they are doing, I may be doing them a disfavor. In future, others may tell them of their faults in a disrespectful and unhelpful manner. Therefore in my capacity, I want to present the truth to the kids in a way they can handle, even if it means telling them that there are improvements to be made.

I am reminded that Lord you are the Promise-giver and the Promise-keeper. Reveal your great promises for these children. May Your vision be my vision, your heartbeat, my passion...

Jeremiah 12:5

Jeremiah 12:5
“If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?”

Have been jogging recently. Each time when it comes to a very tiring part, I would be reminded of this verse and press on to complete the jog.

At work, this verse has become my inspiration too. I would say that my workplace is like the safe country mentioned in Jeremiah. It is a pretty cozy place to be at. Colleagues are pretty nice. Workload, though I think is heavy but still manageable. However there are times when I feel stress and tired. It’s really a time to train myself up. If I stumble in safe country, how will I manage in the thickets?

Work and ministry demands take up the bulk of my time and energy. But I trust in the Lord that as I rely on Him, He would refresh me. I also trust that as I rely on His strength, His grace would be sufficient for me.

In my weakness, Lord, You are strong. May all who see me, see the Lord who glorifies Himself in me.

Good means giving you wat you want?

In C.S. Lewis’ book, Problem of Pain, says that we have been attributing God is good and God is almighty and therefore God is able to make me happy. If I am not happy, then something is wrong. Either He is not good, or He is not almighty.

I see this kind of behavior in the children and youth everyday. (More so in the children). they show you attitude because you don’t give them what they want. If you don’t do it their way, then you are bad. I was screamed at many times last Friday. One particular immature boy kept telling me or rather shouted at me, “I hate you.” He would say things that are sarcastic enough for me to know that he is unhappy with me.

What would I do? I invited him to speak to me directly and not keep talking about it indirectly. But he refused. What could I do next? Only pray for him that he may come to his senses. That he cannot get what he wants all the time. I hope I have demonstrated to him that there is another way to respond to people’s anger. Cos he has the tendency to respond to people’s anger with anger and fighting back. Also I hope tht I have shown to other children that conflict can be confronted in a non-aggressive and firm way.

I wonder if I felt hurt by him? On one hand, I know that I can get angry with him if I want to. On the other hand I also know that it is not very useful. And then I don’t know how to really feel. It seems foolish to say that I am hurt by him because I know that he is like this. Maybe the way to feel is to feel compassion. It sounds so artificial to me to control the way I feel and to even say that there is a particular right way of feeling. I don’t know. Can anyone tell me if this is wrong? However I know that there is a Christ-like way of responding to things.

Father I pray that you heal me if there may be any hurt within me that I can’t feel. Help me to release the feeling that I do not know how to express. I pray that you help me to forgive this boy who does not know what he is doing. And Father I pray for your mercy to be upon him that he delivers him from the evil one. He does not know what he is doing and he is unable to control himself. Pray that he will experience freedom and breakthrough n his life that he will not be a slave to bitterness and anger. Pray also for your peace to guard our relationship with one another and not let the evil one to come and kill and steal.

STOP IT!!!!

Sometimes I jus feel like telling her to leave me alone. STOP TALKING!!!! My goodness, cant she tell from my body language that I do not wished to be disturbed. She just got to tell about every little thing to most people. In the end, I suffer the most cos I sit nearest to her.

C asked me to be more careful in the things I say and must see who I am telling it to. Sometimes, not that I don’t know my words have consequences, it’s just that it does not really bother me. I have been keeping most things to my heart already. If I were to keep anymore, I may just burst. I appreciate her concern for me, maybe she knows of things that I do not know of.

Sometimes I like my straightforward nature and I feel that if I cannot do that, I am not me. I don’t know how I might become as time progress. Maybe I wont be so straightforward anymore. Maybe that might be seen as wisdom. But that is not me at this point. I like me like this. Am I stupid to want to continue to be like this? Maybe. And also there is some extent of stubbornness that refuses to bow down.

Lord, help me to be who you want me to be. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transform by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Not enough?

When I thought that it was enough for them, it is actually not enough.

P and other girls wanted to use the youth room to practise their dance for a school performance. So i opened up the youth room so that not only could they have a place to practise their dance, but also I hope that their interest and potential would not be impede by the lack of resources.

But once in awhile when I pop in to take a look, they are merely on the MSN, friendster or Youtube. I was a lil frustrated that they fooling ard and abusing the privilege I have extended to them. But I realised that they are just lost. Though they have a leader, she was unable to organise the group. By the end of the day, they did not accomplish anything. I got to know yday that they did not even go for the audition. Another lost opportunity to show that they have what it takes..

Lord, I pray that You, God who owned the wole earth, would provide opportunities and resources for these children to develop their potential and interest. I pray against the destiny that condemns them to be nobody in the society. May you give them a fruitful and abundant life that you have promised.

N I met the Queen of England yday!!!! Oh well, at least she acts like one. So self-centered and ba4 dao4, and everyone need to give in to her. Crap! Super irritated by her even now as I think about it! My youth's sister. I wanted a private chat wituh her sister and mother, but she just refused to go out of the room. In the end, the choice was given to her to move or we move. She didnt move, so we moved. About 5s later I went back to the room to take something, she was throwing some lil things on the floor. Oh man, this is not her house! I "invited" her out of the room because she really has no business to be in the room eben though there is no one using the counselling room. Her atrocity shocks me a lil when she actually locked the passageway door as I approached. If her mother is not there, she would have been scolded by me. How can I tell the mother that she is too permissive, that's y her daughters and now even her youngest son is showing signs. He plays with the office phone as if its his hosue phone. When I block him physically, he played with my watch. Crap! Sign...

Lord, recuse me from such frustrations. Help this family even to... I dont know... Just help them...

It all happened in a day..

Sometimes I find that I ask too many questions such that they don’t know how to answer me. I realized now that when they don’t answer me, it may be because they don’t know the answer.

I need to learn to ask simple questions and say simple statements. And today I find that I am really too impatient to wait for answers. It’s easier to tell the solution. But I really need to ask myself what am I depriving them of?

Another thing I find myself also uncomfortable with is when others are not hapy with me. Its easier to be pal-ly with them than to have to enforce rules and bundaries. N really pushes your boundary a lot and one really have to be very firm to enforce the boundary. And SRW also pushes it a lot. He does it differently. He does not ask a lot of questions like N, but he keeps very quiet and do the things that he likes and want. What is he facing in school or at home that is making him so… always doing the things he wants. And what makes R so disrespectful? He threw the paper which I prepared for them on the floor today during groupwork. I felt trampled upon just like the paper he threw on the floor. I wanted to tell them about respect and make him and the other boys who followed him to take up the paper and continue to take down notes on it. In the end, I didn’t enforce it. Isn’t it a matter of learning style that they didn’t want to learn by taking down notes. If they do that the next time, how should I respond? Tell them that I appreciate it if they would respect even a piece of paper because it someone else has prepared it. And I would also respect them that they do not want to use the piece of paper or even write on it.

Every time I would find it such a challenge to this group of boys for groupwork. It’s hard to manage them in groupwork and have to deliver the point across at the same time. I just realized that if I do not manage one or 2 boys properly, it would set a bad standards for the other boys to follow. And if I let the wrong behavior passed without addressing it, others would also learn that this is permissible and would follow suit or even try to test their boundary.

On hindsight, I feel that to be able to continue to take on also gives me the opportunity to interact and to teach them. It allows me to continue to polish my skills and also to improve my rapport with them.

Another thing I realized today is that its not easy to do debrief. Especially to praise during debrief. Maybe I need to intentionally look for praises to praise. I’m naturally incline to criticize. To intentionally look for praises to praise, I would be able to praise more genuinely and authentically. Rather than trying to recall some praiseworthy actions from memory.

Being a social worker is tough (ok, all work is tough, I acknowledge that). Especially when you try to strive for congruence. It takes time to reflect upon some of these issues and after the reflection, the opportunity to respond to that particular child, youth or client is already over. I lose the chance to influence them. Maybe right now, it is as if I am sitting on a cushion full of pricks. When I meet with one situation, I got to reflect and learn. And as I learn and change, I got to change my position so that I can be more comfortable. I keep shifting my weight around and right now I am hardly in any comfortable position.

O God, it helps so much to write things down. It helps me to find my sense of equilibrium. I hardly find space to do it. In the office, I am so tempted to just do work and work. Office is not really a relax place. I cannot really relax and think there. Help me to find time and do this very very often.

And God I pray that you help me to grow as a person and as a worker. Many things I am still figuring out. I pray that you would inspire me with your word and your personhood what it is that I should do and what approach I should take.

Father, I recognize my inadequacy as a worker. Help me Lord God to manage and overcome. You are my Lord.

And God you know how bad I feel about not being able to stop a girl from going to abortion. You that my self-blame. Even though I do not want to blame myself, I also feel that I have a part to play. What are you saying about this my Lord? Please tell me what you are seeing from your view. Where does my effort stand? Have I make things worse?

It’s difficult to be growing. Difficult for me and also difficult for me to help my clients to be growing. Difficult and slow. But God, you are the one who makes things grow. Help me to grow O Lord.

A Worker's Reflection

hey guys, this is going to be something technical abt SW. I rem I wanna use this blog to remember & journal Lucas growing up, and right now, I am gg to use it to remember and journal my growth as a social worker. Maybe 2-3 years down the road, I will laugh at my own thoughts. N maybe even use it to encourage new social workers!!!!!!!! =)

Took time off and went out with Kris today... Guess what we talked about.. SW stuff lo.. Sometimes I feel paisay to talk to them about SW, its like talking about work during off. But I guess we all need the space to talk and bounce ideas off..

What came out very strongly to me as we talk is really about boundary. How should we define our boundary and what should be the basis as we define our boundary? Perhaps this is my main struggle. Its actually comforting to know that Kris also struggles with it.

She was frustrated with her colleague who called her on her off day saying her client wanna speak to her. I cannot empathise with her frustration.Until, i receive a call from my client. I unwittingly gave my hp no. away to my youth once when i called her with my hp.. hmmm.. when i received her call, I felt stress up and i know that I was stress because I felt my muscles tensed up and breathing faster. Its like.. "oh no, work.." It was then I realised that boundary is for protection.

But then again, what is the standard for me to define my boundary with my clients? Do i use a different measure to define a different boundary with my youth clients?

Half a blind bat

How does it feel being half a blind bat?

I shower myself with my eyes close, opening it occasionally only to see if its shampoo or conditioner I have taken. I can only feel my way around the bathroom and try to find the correct place where I hang my clothes. I use my finger to feel if its fork or spoon I have taken and realize that I still have taken the wrong one. I cannot sms most of the time because the lights from handphone is too bright for my eyes. Even though its one eye that is injured, but the other eye is suffering as well. It cannot really open except for a small slit occasionally because any major movement in the eye would affect the injured eye making it painful. As I typed this, I thank God that I do not need to move my eye too much as my fingers are trained and skilled at the keyboard. I only need to focus on the monitor making sure that I typed correctly. Every 2-3 minutes I still need to close my eyes for a rest.

Most of the time, its my touch senses I am depending on. Without the ability to use sight is quite a peaceful world. its not that distracting. Guess how much I slept? Came back from doctor at 5pm, slept till 545pm for my medication, sleep again till 645pm for medication, sleep again till 745pm for medication and dinner, sleep again till 845pm for medication, this happens every one hour interval till 12mn. Then I still sleep like a log till this morning 8am. Then I took my medication and slept till 11am. Till I decided that its too much. The doctor had wanted to give me sleeping pills cos he is worried that I would feel too much pain to fall asleep, but I insisted against it. Its more painful at night, but I don’t think sleeping pills is the way. I took panadol in the end.

Without being able to see most of the time, I really feel more peaceful. Though I am so assured that I will recover in about 1 week. To give up my sight forever for such peace, no way.

The first hour it happened, it was frustrating. Then it was scary. The thought of never being able to see with one eye again. Actually, part of me also knows that it’s the idea of being imperfect physically that scares me.. not that I am perfect, but such a obvious imperfect is hard to accept.

Sorry I have not mentioned what happened to me. I injured my right eye and is suffering from cornea abrasion.

Boundary

How has this week been in the office? The youths are really a joy to be around. Its so easy to be with them. I guess they are my cup of tea. Seriously, I have been helping youths since the age of 19, about 7 years from now. How can I survive if I don’t enjoy them? But there are still a lot of challenges. My colleagues and I have to fight for the boundary that we want to set for our youths. Who do we see acceptable in the program? Who do we see as not acceptable. Among those who are not acceptable, how can we reach out to them personally.

There has been influx of youths and children coming to our centre recently. I remember once I see about 10 over children coming to our centre and they automatically come help themselves to the water that was meant for the youth. I felt intruded and I was upset with them. Then I had to hold my upsetness and politely ask them to ask for permission the next time round. And then I have to invite them away. I feel that this boundary to protect is a hard one. Because we are the roof garden and quite a open space, many people would come in out of curiosity. We just had to work harder at playing the gate keeper.

These 2 days at Kidstart! (the children’s program), I find the children more responsive and slightly better behaved. I realized that I feel better about myself. I think I still tie how I esteem myself to how the kids behaved. I rem Kris told me that I do not have to place my worth in the hands of the kids, but its easier said than done. Anyway, this will take time to learn.

I also realized this week that R is responding better toward me already. He seems to listen better to instructions right now. Though I wish that he would spend more time studying instead of playing games, but I am thankful that he is not disturbing others with his play and that others are not following him.

Sy still likes to do his own things and its hard to get him to listen. But its ok. I think he feels left out of the group. Other boys like dancing and they are pretty good at that, but I don’t think he likes it. So I think he felt left out of the group. Maybe that is what is causing him to act this way. Anyway, thank God for this revelation that leads me to be able to have more patience and grace while handling him.

Go Forth

Fantastic!! Excellent!! Eye-opening!!! Chim conference...

Spending my last 3 days at the conference was a great time of learning. No doubt it was very tiring, and sometimes I fell asleep during the conference, but its still a very good conference..

It really open my eyes to the big world out there. Now as i read the bible, its no longer just me and God. But me, God and the world which God has created. Suddenly, I know that I was just a child in the things of God. And the conference open my eyes to the world out there and initiating me to teenage-hood.

I remember a prophecy told of me, "You are young in the faith, though you are not that young as a Christian...You leave the big things aside and think that those belong to the adults. You can grow, but you need to embrace growth...". That makes so much sense now. I need to involve myself in the things that God is doing in the world, and not just be happy in my la-la land. Some things may be enormous and they may seem like they belong to those spiritual giants, but I need to be involved in those matters. I cannot adopt a bo-chap attitude or a "as long as they dont bother me attitude".

Some lessons learnt:

1. Missions has a long history that had been entangled with colonialism. Super powers in the past colonised Asian countries and preach the gospel to us. They hold sword in one hand, and bible in the other hand. We, Asian, cannot resist the super power of the west and had to bow down to them. We submit politically. Yet we are angry. And the colonial rulers tried to preach the gospel to us and change us to become like them. They may take control of our country, but they cannot away our national identity. And so people become more and more angry. Bitterness and wrath toward the "ang moh" religion happened as a result. If only the colonial rulers were more careful and thoughtful about the ways they do things. If only there were more humility and love. Christ did not come to change culture. He was born into a culture and adopt the culture of the Jews. He was humble and lived among them.

2. Today, missions has another challenge. No longer is colonialism a problem. But something else that look familar to colonialism. Super economical power came into Asia and look so much like colonialism. Perhaps it brought back for the Asians past memories and fears of colonialism. A fear that behind the facade of economic advancement, its actually an attempt to take over the land. A fear that behind the promise of prosperity, its an attempt to corrode the national identity and culture.

3. Hence the way to approach countries who have been hurt by such painful memories of war and having been robbed away of national pride for many years, the way to resolve bitterness is really to love them. As a nation, they are hurt and they need healing.

Singapore may not feel so much of this cultural threat. In the first place, Singaporeans like me take pride in being a mix. I am uniquely Singapore when I am Chinese with roots in China, and yet trunks, branches, leaves, fruits growing in another island. I am neither Eastern nor Western. I am Singaporean, hua ren. One day, I shall return to my roots...

Are you following me so far? This is just my thought on 1 day of the conference. Haha! I have others! This is an appetiser for those who want to know more. And a main course for those who feel that they have had enuff =)

Thank you my dear Lord!!!!!!

And not forgetting, one good thing is I can only go for 3 workshops, but I have friend going for other workshops, so we can exchange notes! haha.. And i help her take lecture notes for those main messages that she missed. Its so much like Uni days =)

Innocence lost..?

Over the weekend, i went back to the office and visited 2 families to settle a conflict between the children of these 2 families and also the police station. I was basically following my supervisor... Wah! Great stuff to learn as I observe her. Both interpersonal skills, and also proper procedure to manage a crisis.

Funny thing is we realised the 2 families were actually neigbors, and after visiting one family, we stood outside the house of the next and called him asking, "Is it convenient for us to visit you?... So we will see u in 10mins time." While all these time we were waiting outside the house and at his neighbours house. So we actully stood outside his place and chatted for awhile before we go in. Feel as if I am cheating my client.. oh well..

Anyway, after the home visit, some things didnt sit too well with me. Such as my supervisor's analysis of the cilent's son. What happened is this: He took a penknife and slash the other boy and we need to settle this on a management level. He has the history of bring weapon to the centre, and we took precaution by checking him everyday. That day I checked him, but he hid the penknife among the chairs and not in his pocket.

When the matter happened, I blamed myself for not knowing that he brough a penknife. I also felt betrayed because I had believed him.

I use to think that he was an innocent boy. Even after my sup's analysis of him as being a "deep" boy, I still cant bring myself to believe that he hurt others intentionally. Maybe even now, I still think that he could not control his anger and he hurt others out of self-protection.

But as I reflect on it, and some things that he said, I finally can acknowledge that he hurt others intentionally. Maybe what i could not still bring myself to accept it that a 11 yr old boy could do such a thing. Adults.. yes. Teens.. maybe. But children, I cant imagine. Maybe there is really such evil in the hearts of man..

Pls pray for me to have God's wisdom as I help this boy..

Lucas turned 2 =)

Lucas has turned 2 years old. He is in fact 25months old now =) Just want to share some pictures with all who know him and especially to those who love him.

Well, that day we went to eat at a pretty nice place. At least its where my parents and we like as well. Haha.. Not easy to find places that my parents like and we also like. Then we went home and cut a cake =) Look at him =) How we make him make a wish we also dunno...hahahaaa..


Been trying to cultivate in him the good habit of brushing teeth, but most time he ends up eating the toothpaste, sawllowing tapwater n trying to brush teeth for me.. I give up after awhile.. but ok, i will try harder again.. My parents r nt so keen in havin him brush teeth. they think he is too young for tt..


Lucas is beautiful. Beautiful not as in pretty. I see so much beauty in him. I see God's hand when I see Lucas. He helps me to unwind from a day of busy work. =) Love you Lucas. Ah yi loves you! God loves you!

Thoughts from a simple statement

"What do you want Lucas? Pick one and ah yi buy for you."

We were shopping at Plaza Singapura. As we walked past a cake shop, he stopped outside the cake shop and looking at the cakes with great interest. (Just like those children in the movie when they will looked at the shoes on display inside the shop with.. such a I-dont-know-how-to-express look on their face. You just know that they want the shoe badly.)

As I told Lucas to choose one and I will buy for him, my heart was overwhelm with a sense of privilege and blessings. Its a privilege that I can tell my loved ones that I can provide for them. How much an assurance and comfort must it be for those of us who have that assurance. And how much more a blessing that we are able to assure our loved ones of our ability to provide. I am thankful for that.

My thoughts go to many of the people I know who cannot even afford the daily necessities for their children. Dont even mention a piece of cake which is a luxury.

I am so thankful for my abled-body to be able to provide for my loved ones. Yet I need to remember and rely on God as the Jehovah Jireh...

Past, Present, Future...

Our hearts are made to live in the larger story that God intended for us to live in. but somehow, somewhat we lose sight of that bigger story. So we created our smaller stories to live in and to survive.

All these smaller stories offer a taste of meaning, adventure and connectedness. But none offer the real thing. They are not large enough. God has set eternity in the hearts of man. Yet people are not living for eternity. That is where the problem is. We are trapped in the present.

Office Bully & Victim

Attended the course: School Bullying Issues and Prevention Approaches.

I began to think about my office, whether I am a bully or a victim. Being in a nice environment where most people are easy-going and loving, I think I can never be a victim. Maybe once in a while I find myself stuck with listening to a self-centered colleague. This one really loves to talk about herself! Oh my goodness! Nvm la, I just comfort myself and say that some people just need to be heard and validated. Even counselors have their own issues la..

I belong to the group that people would categorise as bully.. haha.. But i only show it to one person. I am amazed at the agression I can expressed to the colleague I have problem with. I tried keeping my peace, but I guess he just pick the wrong to wanna "talk things out". The talking things out time is usually a time for him to defend himself. This really provoked me and I just unleashed all my pent up frustration.

What perpetuate matters is that he dare not look at me while we talk. So, I found my frustration rising and scolding increases. Sad to say that at the end of the day, I lost all respect for him.

So people, when you get bullied, pls stand up for yourself. This will make the bully at least respect you. If you just run away, the bullying will worsen. This comes from the point of view of a bully. Maybe I should say a repentant bully. I dont want to tear him down anymore.

God protect me from the evil one, and lead me not into temptation.

Si Chuan Earthquake

"中国是个备受古难的民族" My Malaysian colleague said this..

手足口症，大雪灾，四川省八级地震.. In less than a year, they have experienced 3 major national crisis..

19th, 20th and 21st May are set as National Crisis Day. To mourn for the earthquake victims at the exact timing of 2:28pm when the earthquake happened.

During this time of painful reflections, I pray their hearts may turn to God for help and comfort.

I want to do more than praying. I want to be there somehow, somewhat. Yet I am not sure if i can stand the sight and the smell of dead bodies all around. The sound of wailing and mourning for the loss of homes, families, jobs, dreams and future. One major city, go under ruins in a matter of seconds. That is how fragile life is.

On a individual level, homes, families and jobs are lost. One a city level, a whole generation of young people are LOST! Thousands upon thousands of young people buried under the ruins of their school. "How long would restoration take?" This must be the questions many are asking themselves..

Oh I just read this heading- "银行表示并不承担地震风险 房贷政策目前无变化"

Oh I pray that they will provide some help here. That the victims who got their homes destroyed will not have to repay their bank loan.

God, I just want to be there. Whatever I can do I dunno. I just want to be there.. Being here when there are hundreds of thousands suffering is too much to bear..

WeiXiong&Rebecca's Wedding

Abang used his normal camera to take these pictures of the couple.. Bt I find them so pro sia...

Here is the wedding couple.. Simple and beautiful wedding.. That's them.. Not much nitty gritty, only a simple until cannot simple wedding.. haha. Simple until I really admire them, admire their simplicity.



After the wedding ceremony, we got so obessessed with the big beautiful cross and the grand piano.. Have to take pictures with it!

1 of it is taken with HL's camera, so the effect maybe not so good..




And finally, here are the NUS SOWers group.. haha.. Plus the couple too =)



Thanks to Abang & HL who sent us the pictures.. I have been looking forward to them..

About 5 years we know one another.. Its the common understanding between us that binds us together.. God, heart for people in social work and one another..I am blessed. SK not in social work line, but he often joke that he is half a social worker already.. =)

Prayer of Jabez

一生奉献，一生不回头。。
Of the whole song, I only remember this line.

Many times as I serve God, I looked back. I wondered how things would have been different if I chose otherwise. Yet in looking back and counting my loss, I always give thanks that He has blessed me this much.

Admit it, I have lost out when I serve God full time for 2 years. Lost out in experience as a social worker, lost out in mometary gains and other things. I have got to face it and stop denying that I didnt lose out!

BUT...

The gains that I have receive I need to proclaim it in my life!! The time to watch over Lucas and my family, the time spent with the girls, the lessons learnt about God in my period of serving full time. These are eternal and priceless..

Where is my place in the will and plan of God? Am I where He wants me to be? I know that I dont want to just spend 9-6pm in the office and finish my job. I can do more and be much more. (I am beginning to wonder if I am an ambitious person?) But if I give more in the office, other areas of my life will suffer. Either family, ministry or my personal life..

"O Lord that you would bless me and enlarge my territory. Let your hands be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain. And God granted the prayer of Jabez."

May the Lord God also grant my prayer- the prayer of Jabez..

Victory or Defeat

I just wanna write something here.. Have not written for a long time. Sitting in my new office and enjoying a moment of peace before my colleagues all comes in... A blessing of peace..

In the spiritual realm, great battle are going on all the time. The question is whether we are aware of it or not.

I have been feeling defeated, not leading the victorious Christian life that we children of God should be leading. After yesterday morning's reminder, I finally come to my senses... Thank God for the timely reminder and the grace that so sustains...

Lord, transform my mind, my life and my attitude. Jesus, may your blood cover my family to shield them from the evil one.

Blessings

Was blessed by dear ChaiLing with this article. Would like to share with all who need it.An extract of the article...

"Being single is a time to learn of God and o ourselves, a time to discover who are in Christ, and to grow in Christlikeness.

It is a time to be zealous fr good works and involved in ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not return.

There is nothing quite as sad as a woman now married who regrets what she could have been and done with her life while single. All was lostfor the sake of hurrying to be married without consideration for the plan or work of God.

Every season in life has its wonder and beauty of its own."

Enlightening and encouraging.. May all who need it read it and be blessed.

On a more personal update. My work has been fine, colleagues are also fine. Once in a while some complains, but overall ok. Still adjusting. I believe once I have adjusted, I will enjoy my work even more. Most of the time, its getting the hang of things and how they are done.

I think I do enjoy my work. Because time flys while at work. The week flys pass without really me noticing it. So I guess that's a good sign that at least I am not looking at my watch and waiting for the day to end.

More learning to do. Everyday is some learning about myself and to grow from what I observe and do.

But it gets tiring when there are meetings after work, and more meetings on Sat. Saturday is like another work day when I wake up at 630am and only reach home at 9pm. Ministry, ministry, ministry, church. If I have not been involved in ministry since young, I am not sure if I would be in ministry now. The demands are indeed high. No wonder so many working people find it hard to commit to ministry.

The demands that the world put on us is great. And many get distracted by the different demands when there is no focus.

May the Lord God be my focus. The anchor of my soul, in whom I do all things for His sole purpose and desire...And may the joy of the Lord be my strength...

What amazes me..

As I look at Ling and Ruth.. It amazes me to see how cousins can be so close.. like friends.. really very sweet..

I looked at the older girls.. It amazes me to see how far our friendship has gone. The meet up was just like old times, as Ling said.. It was fun..




But beyond the fun, I hope there are more things that they picked up through the time together.. It was not structured.. What I hope to teach I didnt. Because what was lacking in the girls is not knowledge, but fellowship. They hardly get to meet as a group now. Such combined PT are precious. But what little that I taught through the bible, and the many things said that was not from the bible, I hope they caught something. I also hope God will use it to bring growth into their faith.

你在许多见证人面前听见我所教训的，也要交托那忠心能教导别人的人. 2 Timothy 2:2.
My desire is to see them teaching others what they have heard from me. To teach others who will also be faithful to pass the message on.

Robert reminded me at DMT that what our girls see us do, they will do. What is in our hearts, they will catch on. One bit that I hope they will catch on, is the desire to invest in young lives for God.

I recognise that God has a special plan for each of them. Will they all stay to be laborers, I dunno. God is the one who send laborers into the harvest field. I am only responsible to be a laborer.

Weekend work

Saturday, 9pm.. Here I am doing preparing for a workshop on Monday. I wonder if that's my life for the next few years? I am quite opposed to bring office work home.. But yet.. I hope that I may be able to manage this aspect of my life better..

Something very sweet which Serene did for us..




One of the picture I got cut off.. I thought I was not in the picture with them until I realised that it was the same pic but diff design.. How blur can I get? And till this day, I still dunno what they mean by getting the pic published? Is it really published? Then can I get to see it somewhere?

Anyway,such nice pictures are hard to come by.. =)

Do not give up meeting together

Thankful for people in my life who remember me enough to want to meet up with me. If they were sales persons, I might think they have ulterior motives. ha.. But they are not..

HuiYue organized a meeting with me and Miaoling to kinda celebrated my farewell. I didnt expect that. It was a very pleasant surprise for me.

Shuxian also out of the blue sms me and asked to catch up with me. Again I told her that I was plesantly surprised that she would do that. I guess I am not one who would take the effort to plan meet-ups with people. I usually tack along people who organise and I benefitted from the efforts of the organisers.

Really thankful for people in my life who bothered to meet up, otherwise I might just live in my own isolatred world, which most times I am pretty contented in. People like Doreal, Jia, Serene who bother to plan for meet up.. Thankful for them also..

Hebrews 10:24-25.. Do not give up meeting together...

Graveyard of the Fireflies

I was not expecting anything like this. It is an anime by my favorite author and I was expecting to be nice. Maybe I was not expecting anything, cos each of his anime gives me a wonderful surprise. So I was awaiting that pleasent surprise.



At the end of the anime, I was so disturbed I cant sleep well. Its a story that happen to 2 Japanese siblings during WW2.
What is the major story plot for war? Violence, deaths of millions of soldiers and civilians, victories and defeats, territories won and lost...
But what is the minor story plot in war? What do you think? I think they are pains, abandonment, helplessness, rejections, struggles, hunger, loneliness, fear...

Through the eyes of these 2 siblings- a brother trying to care for the younger sister, a war story was told. The love between them, the security the brother tries to offer his sister (by not telling her that their parents had died). The provision the brother tries to give his sister (by getting food through stealing, begging robbing). The hope he tried to offer her (by bringing her to the seaside for some fun time). I see 2 young hopes trying to stay alive during war.

Despite their fighting to stay alive, they lost. When the sister passed away due to malnurition and sickness, the brother eventually died having no hope nor reasons to be alive anymore.

It breaks my heart to see how they tried to remain hopeful. It torn my heart into pieces to see the little girl wasting away. My heart bled when the brother had to steal to survive. I grieved at the end of the anime when both died slowly.

I had never seen war, and I pray I shall never see it.

Sufferings in this world is everywhere. I prayed and I grieved yet but its not enough. Lord, help me do something. What else can I do?

The good Lord reminded me, "I am still confident of this, I will see the GOODNESS of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13. There is yet goodness in this world. Not all is lost.
Shown forth your mercy Lord. Your salvation come swiftly Lord. Let your hope shine in their hearts... Love you Lord

Rest Day

Finally felt rested today. Had some time of BS with fayth and jolynn, went walked around with Jia, watched Zhi's concert with Mum & Lucas, pray, then working again now..

I wanted to only work tml morning, but the constant thinking of wat's undone gives me no sleep.. haha.. So here I am almost completing my work.. =)

I have began to put in my to-do list "ETWG". It's to remind me that I got to set aside time for it.

I am glad that I am coping. Stressed as it may be to have many things to handle, I am glad that there is this resource within me which I am tapping on. Each day, this resource runs low and always needs to be filled up. I know that the Spirit within me is helping me. And to allow Sabbath rest is to empower the Spirit again...

People, I dont like to say that I am busy. But rather say that I am occupied. Busy gives this notion that the time is not handle well, for example, double-booking yourelf, forgetting appointments, no time to finish work etc. I hope to say that I am occupied. So one day if u see me having the above symptoms, pls tell me...

In the midst of transition...

Busy work life has a way of crowding human mind with too many.
To make sure that I continue to be mentally alert and growing, the discipline of reading must not stop. Thanks to WQ, I had this good read for this past 1 month to keep me growing. =) Thanks Bro!

Wonder how he is now. Must sms him to ask him..

Starting parttime as a social worker is definitely good in helping me transit into the new role. But its a challenge to start focus on one task at one time because there are many things that needs attention, from TNT & from my new office. Its a challenge but also a good experience.

Even after I work as a social worker full time, there are some things that I would need to continue regularly. Swimming once a week, finish a book every month, Qt everyday, prayer everyday, quality time with Lucas, quality with family, qualiy with friends, time to meet girls, time to prepare and have BS.

Is it possible that to do all these? I wonder how far a person's capacity can be stretched? My supervisor has trememdous amount of capacity. She is a mum of 2 young kids, serving in church, handles so many things in the office, and efficient is her work. At the same time, she enjoys good relationships with people in the office. Looking forward to learning from her. Believe she would be a good role model.

Talking to Kris recently helped me discover that I am pretty leader-motivated. It's God's grace to give me a good leader at work. In fact, He has always been giving me wonderful godly leaders as role-models and to inspire me.

Thank you Lord..

Still helping people but different already...

Had quite a busy day today.. Woke up at 6am so that I can have BS with Fayth & Jolynn at 8am at Woodlands!!! ahhh.. haha.. but I drag Jia to suffer along with me! cos we are attending the Christ CHurch Carnival.. =) Not bad.. quite fun.. spend all our tickets on food.. hee.. As we walked along, I saw alot of students.. the one thought really is- the harvest is truly plentiful and the laborers are really few... I wish I could have all the time in the world to spend time with each of them.. But really, not possible..

Time with the students really will be rewarded.. As I was teaching halfway at SALT today, I received an sms fr LH. She was asking me if there is any verse to get someone to accept Christ. I thought she wanted to share with a friend. So i reply her Rev 3:20. Her nxt reply was, "Li Jie, i want to accept Christ =)". What could I do but to call her immediately and to confirm with her and then pray. LH is an interesting girl. She has an interest in the Word even when she was not a believer. There were interest and desire to know God. Yet her parents' objections were what that was stopping her. I am so glad that she has somehow with the help of God, she overcame that obstacle and decided to follow Christ. Its like seeing your child returning to you. Now she says she wants to share with her friend, who also like her, wanted to know God but afraid of parents' objection.

The most meaningful thing in this world is to help someone to know God, to build a person up in the knowledge and r/s with God. Nothing in this whole wide world beats it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I enter in social work, and helping some of those people who dont wanna help themselves, I need to adjust my perspective and expectations about my work. Social work target audience and TNT is different. I cannot bring my expectations from TNT into social worker.

I know God is going to stretch my love for His people..Pray with me.. to love with wisdom and depth of knowledge and insight

Fruit of Perseverance

Finally had my first proper BS with them.. They were not a very easy lot to handle right from the beginning, but I guess with time and familiarity, things became alot better. Over the year, they have grown in some maturity. But girls being girls, they still have the same sort of girls' problem, but its really but better.

Like Marge says, growth is natural and will happen for sure. I think I see it in them. I didnt do alot with them or for them, despite that, God is giving them growth, for God is the only one who makes things grow.

Felt that today we had a heart to heart BS, where I could share my passion and convictions with them. Admitted to them that having them for BS were never easy, but I am encouraged to see them persevering together with me. And somehow we were glad that we did not gave up on one another.. =)

They are new every morning...

I awoke this morning to the glorious sunshine shining into my room. This is God's wonderful reminder of His glory and His love that is new every morning.

What used to be a source of irritation is now to me a new source of inspiration & hope. Many years of sleeping in that room, I have missed out on God's awe day after day. I don't know what came over me, maybe God really does work miracle over night..

我 们 不 致 消 灭 ， 是 出 於 耶 和 华 诸 般 的 慈 爱 ； 是 因 他 的 怜 悯 不 致 断 绝 。

每 早 晨 ， 这 都 是 新 的 ； 你 的 诚 实 极 其 广 大 ！

我 心 里 说 ： 耶 和 华 是 我 的 分 ， 因 此 ， 我 要 仰 望 他 。

凡 等 候 耶 和 华 ， 心 里 寻 求 他 的 ， 耶 和 华 必 施 恩 给 他 。Lamentations 3:22-25

Started my first day as a social worker on Tues.. No comments yet cos I dunno how it really is. First day, nothing to do.. Not used to it. Haha.. But Tues, Thurs are social work days while Mon, Wed, Fri are Nav days. This kinda of arrangement wil go on til April. I sense the struggle to have to cope with the 2, cos on different days I got to put on different caps.

So far so good.

Some random pictures we took for the sake of the shirt! haha..



But I like this the best! The true essense of the t-shirt..