Went to Ted Collection last night to confirm my design with the designer. They specialise in cheongsam, so I am there for a cheongsam =) I always wanted a white cheongsam for my gown. I wont have a princess-like or fairy-like gown. Its just unlike me. Mine will be quiet, simple, smooth, soft and elegant. I think its more like me. It seems like the designers know what suits me too.
Out of the 3 dresses, there will be no "tube" style. I think its rather unique considering that most dresses are in tube style. I thought that I will at least wear tube once in my life, but yet No, its not happening!
But one thing, I need to lose weight. Hmmmm.. Thank God for SH who reminded me of Psalm 139 that I am fearfully n wonderfully made. Actually, I am not so affected by it la. I always wanted to lost weight so now there is a very strong motivation lo! Good man! Finally found the motivation and the people to remind me to lose weight.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
K.T Trip Part 2
Hehe… here is an update on what happened during the K.T trip =)
See here is the picture of the small FireFly that SH tries so hard to take. Finally took it when we landed in K.T.
I guess people there more relaxed la. Not like here, many rules…
Some things we do?
We went to the beach and jog…
We went to fly kite at the beach. There is a cosy A & W by the beach =) The beach is not developed by the gov to become a tourist spot so its still natural and not crowded. This is the beauty there, still a lot of nature.
We went fishing as well, my first fishing trip. It was under a overhead bridge and we just fish at the shallow waters.. haha.. He catches a small fish and that is the only fish for the day.. I caught none.. =(
We also went to climb a small hill and it is really steep.. Its only about half an hour up but we really perspire man!! But the joy of reaching the top is unmatched! Hehe
Well, it’s a nice and relaxing trip where we just rest and he spends time with his family and I make some cards for the children as farewell gifts for them.. look forward to gg back again =)
See here is the picture of the small FireFly that SH tries so hard to take. Finally took it when we landed in K.T.
I guess people there more relaxed la. Not like here, many rules…
After landing, he brought me to the streets for a quick walk and tour. I was so intrigued by the parking meter because you don’t see it in Singapore anymore =) Their parking is so cheap. I think RM$0.50 can park for an hour already. I have the fun of putting in 50cents when we went to the market area. Hehe…
Here is a picture of his lovely niece, Sharon. She is talkative and CUTE! I guess children being children, they love the attention. I hope she will be my flower girl but SH say she may have stage fright. Hmm…
Oh, yes yes about the food in K.T. It’s a Muslim state so I tried a lot of Malay food here. Malay rojak, malay laksa and malay prata. They have different versions as what we have in Sg. Sadly I didn’t take picture of them la. But I do have this picture of an egg which his mother boiled for us to eat. The egg is rather strange. The egg white is still watery but the egg yolk is HARD! See picture below for proof. Usually we have egg yoke that is harder to cook than the egg white, but this time round, the inner egg yolk gets cook first. Maybe Malay chicken??
Some things we do?
We went to the beach and jog…
We went to fly kite at the beach. There is a cosy A & W by the beach =) The beach is not developed by the gov to become a tourist spot so its still natural and not crowded. This is the beauty there, still a lot of nature.
We went fishing as well, my first fishing trip. It was under a overhead bridge and we just fish at the shallow waters.. haha.. He catches a small fish and that is the only fish for the day.. I caught none.. =(
We also went to climb a small hill and it is really steep.. Its only about half an hour up but we really perspire man!! But the joy of reaching the top is unmatched! Hehe
Well, it’s a nice and relaxing trip where we just rest and he spends time with his family and I make some cards for the children as farewell gifts for them.. look forward to gg back again =)
In God's time
Missed the long chats with Kris. Been a few months since we chatted..
She helped me to normalize a lot of things. My double-mindedness at this point is normal, its the heart and the head tearing me apart. My mind was made up to move on to another centre, but my heart is sad to move on as there are things which I love here. At times, when i encounter anything good at QT, my heart feels sad to leave and wonder if I shd really leave? However I am glad to be struggling thru these, because its a necessary process if I want to let go. I am gg thru a grieving process.
She reminded me to pray. Pray that I may learn to let go of things that are not healthy and to hold on to things that is part of me and is helpful to the new workplace. Sometimes this means that I need to clarify what is those that is ME and is of God that I should hold on to. And what is it that is of the work culture that is not me, and I should leave it at the old place.
Along the way, there must been hurts and bruises. But the forgiveness process needs to come in and to allow myself to come to a closure so that I do not bring on old wounds to a new place. New wine need new wineskin to contain. A new place need a healthy heart to embrace and appreciate.
There is a need to be patient. Patient with myself and to trust God to form me into His image. Sometimes I think I help God a little too much..
In your time...
Learning to relax...
Oh another thing to learn to relax is the fact that I am preparing for my wedding and marriage. Many things to prepare for and there is alot of anxiety that I cant get the things I want.
I want to witness and testify to God's perfect timing.. =)
She helped me to normalize a lot of things. My double-mindedness at this point is normal, its the heart and the head tearing me apart. My mind was made up to move on to another centre, but my heart is sad to move on as there are things which I love here. At times, when i encounter anything good at QT, my heart feels sad to leave and wonder if I shd really leave? However I am glad to be struggling thru these, because its a necessary process if I want to let go. I am gg thru a grieving process.
She reminded me to pray. Pray that I may learn to let go of things that are not healthy and to hold on to things that is part of me and is helpful to the new workplace. Sometimes this means that I need to clarify what is those that is ME and is of God that I should hold on to. And what is it that is of the work culture that is not me, and I should leave it at the old place.
Along the way, there must been hurts and bruises. But the forgiveness process needs to come in and to allow myself to come to a closure so that I do not bring on old wounds to a new place. New wine need new wineskin to contain. A new place need a healthy heart to embrace and appreciate.
There is a need to be patient. Patient with myself and to trust God to form me into His image. Sometimes I think I help God a little too much..
In your time...
Learning to relax...
Oh another thing to learn to relax is the fact that I am preparing for my wedding and marriage. Many things to prepare for and there is alot of anxiety that I cant get the things I want.
I want to witness and testify to God's perfect timing.. =)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
My trip to K.T- SH's family..
I had a restful 6 days in Kuala Terengganu. The first lesson which started this trip was that Terenggany is spelled as TErengganu and not as Trengganu which Changi Airport spelled wrongly. I heard it has been changed recently..
SH wanted a picture of the small Firefly but was stopped by the staff at Changi. However we managed to get one when we landed at Terengganu.
It was a good trip in several sense..
6days with his parents was a good time for me to be deeply touched by their hospitality and their care for one another. When one member in the family has a problem to be solved, they would all chip in to help. 2 people particularly stuck me this time round, his mother and 2nd sister. His mother works literally non-stop for the family starting from morning to evening. She prepares breakfast, lunch and dinner. She washes and iron the clothes (she irons everything even t-shirt and handkerchives.) She even irons my clothes though I insisted not to. When it rained, she remembers that my clothes are hanging on the balcony and asked SH's 2nd sis to help me take it down. Whoever meets her will just feels that she is considering for you and have you on her heart. When she got to know that my mother went for an operation to remove her gallstones, she bought chinese herbs and taught me to cook for my mother.
As for his 2nd sis, she works in a bank. And though she is busy with work, she would take time off to bring their parents to KL 4times a year for medical check-up. Through they have 2 other brothers staying there with their parents, she took on most of the elder-care. She knows that I loves mangosteens, so she ordered from a colleague who can get fresh mangosteens. I have my daily fix of mangosteens there. =) On our trip back, I realised that I forgot my slingbag which contains my passport. She drove me back immediately to their home to collect it. Thank God we made it in time! When we returned, people were already uploading onto the bus.
As for other pictures, I will upload it once I figure out how to do it. It seems that my ipload images icon disappear. N when I upload it, I will share more on what I did there! =)
SH wanted a picture of the small Firefly but was stopped by the staff at Changi. However we managed to get one when we landed at Terengganu.
It was a good trip in several sense..
6days with his parents was a good time for me to be deeply touched by their hospitality and their care for one another. When one member in the family has a problem to be solved, they would all chip in to help. 2 people particularly stuck me this time round, his mother and 2nd sister. His mother works literally non-stop for the family starting from morning to evening. She prepares breakfast, lunch and dinner. She washes and iron the clothes (she irons everything even t-shirt and handkerchives.) She even irons my clothes though I insisted not to. When it rained, she remembers that my clothes are hanging on the balcony and asked SH's 2nd sis to help me take it down. Whoever meets her will just feels that she is considering for you and have you on her heart. When she got to know that my mother went for an operation to remove her gallstones, she bought chinese herbs and taught me to cook for my mother.
As for his 2nd sis, she works in a bank. And though she is busy with work, she would take time off to bring their parents to KL 4times a year for medical check-up. Through they have 2 other brothers staying there with their parents, she took on most of the elder-care. She knows that I loves mangosteens, so she ordered from a colleague who can get fresh mangosteens. I have my daily fix of mangosteens there. =) On our trip back, I realised that I forgot my slingbag which contains my passport. She drove me back immediately to their home to collect it. Thank God we made it in time! When we returned, people were already uploading onto the bus.
As for other pictures, I will upload it once I figure out how to do it. It seems that my ipload images icon disappear. N when I upload it, I will share more on what I did there! =)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
God and His wonderful timing
Very thankful to God who arrange different people in our lives to uplift us when we were down.
Ps John is one of them.
The night before I was too troubled to sleep. Troubled over some matters that SH is troubled over. I share his sentiments and became troubled. As I share with some, I was angry over the matter he was angry about. (Its scary how one's emotions can affect the others, and how his issues became mine.)
Anyway, then Ps John called and I was so glad to be able to share with him and we met up the very next day. Very thankful that these 2 men could relate well with one another and SH could change his perspective about Ps. =) His concerns were addressed and there were encouragements.
Relationship is not just about 2 people but we need mentors and friends to come into our lives to enrich us further. N i am thankful for Ps and Aunty Grace. =) Will be starting our marriage prep next Sunday.. Cooool.....
Ps John is one of them.
The night before I was too troubled to sleep. Troubled over some matters that SH is troubled over. I share his sentiments and became troubled. As I share with some, I was angry over the matter he was angry about. (Its scary how one's emotions can affect the others, and how his issues became mine.)
Anyway, then Ps John called and I was so glad to be able to share with him and we met up the very next day. Very thankful that these 2 men could relate well with one another and SH could change his perspective about Ps. =) His concerns were addressed and there were encouragements.
Relationship is not just about 2 people but we need mentors and friends to come into our lives to enrich us further. N i am thankful for Ps and Aunty Grace. =) Will be starting our marriage prep next Sunday.. Cooool.....
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The ending...
As I consider the different factors in my moving on, I am also wondering what are some of the factors that I might consider more carefully before making the final move. Maybe I could have discussed with more people and gather more perspective? Or maybe I could have endure a bit more and things may change?
SH kept asking if I regret my decision. I know that there is no return, so why regret? There are some things I know may take a long long time to change. In fact God told me to move on. I should invest my youth and time into somewhere where there will be more returns. Yes I missed my increment and bonus, and its slightly saddening. But then again, how can I compare apple with orange? It means I do not equate my work with monetary value and therefore, I have no problem about leaving at the point of increment and bonus. Idealism again?
I will never know the "what ifs" after I leave. Therefore I will not go and think about it. God has it in His hands.
Its sad to bid farewell to my work. To be handing things over that I treasure as my own. I dont think I am possessive but rather a love for the work that I took on. Each of them carries a part of my passion and love. Therefore its painful. Each day is a slow ache. It makes me want to run away from it. But its a necessary torture I have to go through so that the work that I have done can have a proper continuity to it.
Responses from colleagues have been mixed.. Some take it in their strides, some whom I am closer with expresses more emotions. I will miss them.. But cannot be emo about it becuase I understand that it is part and parcel of life. My heart and my mind in opposition again..
Its a rather emo period of me.. I look forward to the retreat as a closure but realised I cant go for the retreat. I wonder if there is wisdom in the policy? Yes forward looking, but perhaps people also need a closure so that they can look forward again..
Dear Lord, carry me through...
SH kept asking if I regret my decision. I know that there is no return, so why regret? There are some things I know may take a long long time to change. In fact God told me to move on. I should invest my youth and time into somewhere where there will be more returns. Yes I missed my increment and bonus, and its slightly saddening. But then again, how can I compare apple with orange? It means I do not equate my work with monetary value and therefore, I have no problem about leaving at the point of increment and bonus. Idealism again?
I will never know the "what ifs" after I leave. Therefore I will not go and think about it. God has it in His hands.
Its sad to bid farewell to my work. To be handing things over that I treasure as my own. I dont think I am possessive but rather a love for the work that I took on. Each of them carries a part of my passion and love. Therefore its painful. Each day is a slow ache. It makes me want to run away from it. But its a necessary torture I have to go through so that the work that I have done can have a proper continuity to it.
Responses from colleagues have been mixed.. Some take it in their strides, some whom I am closer with expresses more emotions. I will miss them.. But cannot be emo about it becuase I understand that it is part and parcel of life. My heart and my mind in opposition again..
Its a rather emo period of me.. I look forward to the retreat as a closure but realised I cant go for the retreat. I wonder if there is wisdom in the policy? Yes forward looking, but perhaps people also need a closure so that they can look forward again..
Dear Lord, carry me through...
Monday, July 6, 2009
Thankful
Nehemiah 9 recounts the works of God in the history of the Israelites community.
And the conclusion is -God is merciful and compassionate.
As I recount this past 1 week of announcing to my friends my intent to get married next yr, I have one conclusion, God has given me good friends in my life.
YJ is so excited for me until she dreamt about it. Abang is so excited till he cant sleep at night! (I find it really funny! and heart-warming definitely!) HM already started to look out for venues, and plan the little items for me.. (though she may not be able to make it for my wedding, but she is a part of it =)) Abby also helped me sourced out somethings already! haha..
Thank you for your love in this.. Your affirmation gives me much courage.
This journey will be lovely when I have all your blessings.. =)
And the conclusion is -God is merciful and compassionate.
As I recount this past 1 week of announcing to my friends my intent to get married next yr, I have one conclusion, God has given me good friends in my life.
YJ is so excited for me until she dreamt about it. Abang is so excited till he cant sleep at night! (I find it really funny! and heart-warming definitely!) HM already started to look out for venues, and plan the little items for me.. (though she may not be able to make it for my wedding, but she is a part of it =)) Abby also helped me sourced out somethings already! haha..
Thank you for your love in this.. Your affirmation gives me much courage.
This journey will be lovely when I have all your blessings.. =)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I had a dream
I had a dream. I was carrying a big bag of burden and dragging it along my way. It was big and heavy but it seems mine to carry. No one offered a helping hand and I didnt expect any. I woke up sad cos I wonder what that bag contains?
I am very sorry for the pain and hurt I have caused. How are you getting along? I will never know, but sometimes I wish I knew. There is total silence between us now. I hope to be friends but that would be selfish of me. Total silence is better for you I know. N silence it may forever be.
How do I reconcile this within me? Thank God for the memories and friendship we once shared. Look forward to the future because God has in store a future for u and me, a future to prosper and not to harm.
I pray for God's richest blessings to be upon you..
I am very sorry for the pain and hurt I have caused. How are you getting along? I will never know, but sometimes I wish I knew. There is total silence between us now. I hope to be friends but that would be selfish of me. Total silence is better for you I know. N silence it may forever be.
How do I reconcile this within me? Thank God for the memories and friendship we once shared. Look forward to the future because God has in store a future for u and me, a future to prosper and not to harm.
I pray for God's richest blessings to be upon you..
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Journalling my past 2 weeks
Have not written anything here for a long time. Been too busy? Yes. And I also feel that there are many comlicated thoughts that I dont know how to write it down.
Met a few people recently, and learn something from them. Dage ask me to meet people more often so that I can learn more things from people. I thot that was just being kaypo, but I think he has is point. As we know what is happening in people's lives, we can learn from them as well.
Tt's what SH tells me as well. He often say, he will nt learn this from this person, or he will learn that from the other person. Its really learning from life as it life comes along. As he learns, I learn from him as well. =) Thank God.
Gg for TNT retreat soon, I am looking forward to the break. Was not looking forward to it initially, but its different now. Appreciate all the hardwork the Elijah puts in in coordinating all the details. You know people can be quite fussy about details but he got them all settled! Well done! Look forward to catching up with Marge, Dor, Choo and KY. Been too occupied with my work. Maybe I am learning some work-life balance now.
N yes I have nt been spending enuff time with Lucas. N now he does not even wanna share his muffin with me. hmmm... Its challenging..
Ok wat's my schedule like? Mon- Meet-a-friend Day, Tues- NavTeens Day, Wed- SH Day, Thurs- Night Shift, Fri- Bible Study, Sat-Ministry cum friends/family, Sun- Church/Ministry/ Family/Friends.
Have not go for Extended Time With God for a long time already.. I miss the greens, the nature, the time spent with God unrushed. Retreat! I can do it during retreat!
Office have been noiser without SH, i think. Angie, Wdy, Abby are cheerful ppl and I sit between them so I will catch the conversation and join in at times =) Bt I wonder if we are colleagues or friends? Sometimes after engaging in those small talks, I wonder what I achieve? Maybe breaking the ice a little between us? But I don really like to engage in small talks but prefer to keep to myself. Mayb I have been too task-focussed and neglect on the relational aspect. Do I want to have a good relationship with my colleagues, hmmm, I must say its not my priority. The truth is not everyone can click with everyone at everywhere.
Something I discover abt myself is that my love language is Service. I think it used to be words of affirmation but then I realised I am nt so good at that la.. Below is what I did for SH. 15 hand-made cards. He was shopping ard for cards for some of the people he want to bid farewell to before he leaves the centre. He could nt find anything suitable so we decided that we will make them! =) He was so delighted with them =) Tt's why he always say 2 are better than 1!
Met a few people recently, and learn something from them. Dage ask me to meet people more often so that I can learn more things from people. I thot that was just being kaypo, but I think he has is point. As we know what is happening in people's lives, we can learn from them as well.
Tt's what SH tells me as well. He often say, he will nt learn this from this person, or he will learn that from the other person. Its really learning from life as it life comes along. As he learns, I learn from him as well. =) Thank God.
Gg for TNT retreat soon, I am looking forward to the break. Was not looking forward to it initially, but its different now. Appreciate all the hardwork the Elijah puts in in coordinating all the details. You know people can be quite fussy about details but he got them all settled! Well done! Look forward to catching up with Marge, Dor, Choo and KY. Been too occupied with my work. Maybe I am learning some work-life balance now.
N yes I have nt been spending enuff time with Lucas. N now he does not even wanna share his muffin with me. hmmm... Its challenging..
Ok wat's my schedule like? Mon- Meet-a-friend Day, Tues- NavTeens Day, Wed- SH Day, Thurs- Night Shift, Fri- Bible Study, Sat-Ministry cum friends/family, Sun- Church/Ministry/ Family/Friends.
Have not go for Extended Time With God for a long time already.. I miss the greens, the nature, the time spent with God unrushed. Retreat! I can do it during retreat!
Office have been noiser without SH, i think. Angie, Wdy, Abby are cheerful ppl and I sit between them so I will catch the conversation and join in at times =) Bt I wonder if we are colleagues or friends? Sometimes after engaging in those small talks, I wonder what I achieve? Maybe breaking the ice a little between us? But I don really like to engage in small talks but prefer to keep to myself. Mayb I have been too task-focussed and neglect on the relational aspect. Do I want to have a good relationship with my colleagues, hmmm, I must say its not my priority. The truth is not everyone can click with everyone at everywhere.
Something I discover abt myself is that my love language is Service. I think it used to be words of affirmation but then I realised I am nt so good at that la.. Below is what I did for SH. 15 hand-made cards. He was shopping ard for cards for some of the people he want to bid farewell to before he leaves the centre. He could nt find anything suitable so we decided that we will make them! =) He was so delighted with them =) Tt's why he always say 2 are better than 1!
Friday, May 29, 2009
A New Dish
有期望所以会让自己失望。 Since young I know that this is true.. Hence there is no need to expect too much because you end up disappointed.
有期望才有目标。 Consciously, I expect not to expect. Unconsciously, I still expect and expect. The closer you are to me, the more I expect from you.
理想主义者vs完美主义者。When I enter into full time ministry, I know that I hold up some ideals in my life and I hold it so dearly. Some sacrifices that some may nt make, I choose to make it. I always say I am not a perfectionist, I know I am not. I do not demand things to be done in a pefect fashion. But to the standard tt I want, i can be quite anal abt it. Finally confessing the perfectionist part to myself..
理想化，完美化可以崔毁一个人。By holding on to some ideals and standards, I finally realised I have done harm to myself. Putting pressures to myself unfairly. Inability to move towards my dream because I get too hang up in the ideals. The destruction of relationships because I showed contempt towards those who cld not hold up to my ideal.
现实使人更平衡。Through my supervision and through Paul, I am learning to work with reality and to see to see the big picture. It liberates me to move forward indeed. There is a part of me that is still holding on the the ideals and proud of it. I guess they shd never be given up. But beware that in my holding on to some dreams, I show more consideration to others also.
Contempt- something that lies with me for the past few years. Nv really got to know what it is. The quick solution to myself is God's Love.
Contempt is when I TOTALLY disregard someone when they do not meet my ideal standard. Idealism is the root issue to my Contempt.. Therefore Love is not the solution. LIVING REAL is the main dish. Other ingredients includes EMBRACING PAIN, EXTENDING GRACE & MERCY. N maybe a pinch of TEARS here and there. I believe the flavor of it will be FREEDOM & MATURITY & CHRISTLIKENESS.
Its a new dish I am tasting. I am not sure of the other ingredients as yet. If you know, you are most welcome to teach me along.
(I asked God to give me growth in emotional maturity. He is doing that through what I have learning so far. Last yr, I ask God to help me grow in humility, He did tt as well. I really hardly experience God's answered prayer this way.)
"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." Jn 17:15
有期望才有目标。 Consciously, I expect not to expect. Unconsciously, I still expect and expect. The closer you are to me, the more I expect from you.
理想主义者vs完美主义者。When I enter into full time ministry, I know that I hold up some ideals in my life and I hold it so dearly. Some sacrifices that some may nt make, I choose to make it. I always say I am not a perfectionist, I know I am not. I do not demand things to be done in a pefect fashion. But to the standard tt I want, i can be quite anal abt it. Finally confessing the perfectionist part to myself..
理想化，完美化可以崔毁一个人。By holding on to some ideals and standards, I finally realised I have done harm to myself. Putting pressures to myself unfairly. Inability to move towards my dream because I get too hang up in the ideals. The destruction of relationships because I showed contempt towards those who cld not hold up to my ideal.
现实使人更平衡。Through my supervision and through Paul, I am learning to work with reality and to see to see the big picture. It liberates me to move forward indeed. There is a part of me that is still holding on the the ideals and proud of it. I guess they shd never be given up. But beware that in my holding on to some dreams, I show more consideration to others also.
Contempt- something that lies with me for the past few years. Nv really got to know what it is. The quick solution to myself is God's Love.
Contempt is when I TOTALLY disregard someone when they do not meet my ideal standard. Idealism is the root issue to my Contempt.. Therefore Love is not the solution. LIVING REAL is the main dish. Other ingredients includes EMBRACING PAIN, EXTENDING GRACE & MERCY. N maybe a pinch of TEARS here and there. I believe the flavor of it will be FREEDOM & MATURITY & CHRISTLIKENESS.
Its a new dish I am tasting. I am not sure of the other ingredients as yet. If you know, you are most welcome to teach me along.
(I asked God to give me growth in emotional maturity. He is doing that through what I have learning so far. Last yr, I ask God to help me grow in humility, He did tt as well. I really hardly experience God's answered prayer this way.)
"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." Jn 17:15
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