A New Dish

有期望所以会让自己失望。 Since young I know that this is true.. Hence there is no need to expect too much because you end up disappointed.

有期望才有目标。 Consciously, I expect not to expect. Unconsciously, I still expect and expect. The closer you are to me, the more I expect from you.

理想主义者vs完美主义者。When I enter into full time ministry, I know that I hold up some ideals in my life and I hold it so dearly. Some sacrifices that some may nt make, I choose to make it. I always say I am not a perfectionist, I know I am not. I do not demand things to be done in a pefect fashion. But to the standard tt I want, i can be quite anal abt it. Finally confessing the perfectionist part to myself..

理想化，完美化可以崔毁一个人。By holding on to some ideals and standards, I finally realised I have done harm to myself. Putting pressures to myself unfairly. Inability to move towards my dream because I get too hang up in the ideals. The destruction of relationships because I showed contempt towards those who cld not hold up to my ideal.

现实使人更平衡。Through my supervision and through Paul, I am learning to work with reality and to see to see the big picture. It liberates me to move forward indeed. There is a part of me that is still holding on the the ideals and proud of it. I guess they shd never be given up. But beware that in my holding on to some dreams, I show more consideration to others also.

Contempt- something that lies with me for the past few years. Nv really got to know what it is. The quick solution to myself is God's Love.

Contempt is when I TOTALLY disregard someone when they do not meet my ideal standard. Idealism is the root issue to my Contempt.. Therefore Love is not the solution. LIVING REAL is the main dish. Other ingredients includes EMBRACING PAIN, EXTENDING GRACE & MERCY. N maybe a pinch of TEARS here and there. I believe the flavor of it will be FREEDOM & MATURITY & CHRISTLIKENESS.

Its a new dish I am tasting. I am not sure of the other ingredients as yet. If you know, you are most welcome to teach me along.

(I asked God to give me growth in emotional maturity. He is doing that through what I have learning so far. Last yr, I ask God to help me grow in humility, He did tt as well. I really hardly experience God's answered prayer this way.)


"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." Jn 17:15