The ending...

As I consider the different factors in my moving on, I am also wondering what are some of the factors that I might consider more carefully before making the final move. Maybe I could have discussed with more people and gather more perspective? Or maybe I could have endure a bit more and things may change?

SH kept asking if I regret my decision. I know that there is no return, so why regret? There are some things I know may take a long long time to change. In fact God told me to move on. I should invest my youth and time into somewhere where there will be more returns. Yes I missed my increment and bonus, and its slightly saddening. But then again, how can I compare apple with orange? It means I do not equate my work with monetary value and therefore, I have no problem about leaving at the point of increment and bonus. Idealism again?

I will never know the "what ifs" after I leave. Therefore I will not go and think about it. God has it in His hands.

Its sad to bid farewell to my work. To be handing things over that I treasure as my own. I dont think I am possessive but rather a love for the work that I took on. Each of them carries a part of my passion and love. Therefore its painful. Each day is a slow ache. It makes me want to run away from it. But its a necessary torture I have to go through so that the work that I have done can have a proper continuity to it.

Responses from colleagues have been mixed.. Some take it in their strides, some whom I am closer with expresses more emotions. I will miss them.. But cannot be emo about it becuase I understand that it is part and parcel of life. My heart and my mind in opposition again..

Its a rather emo period of me.. I look forward to the retreat as a closure but realised I cant go for the retreat. I wonder if there is wisdom in the policy? Yes forward looking, but perhaps people also need a closure so that they can look forward again..

Dear Lord, carry me through...