My Dearie Oswald

This is my dearie Oswald.. I cant have enough of kissing him day after day. N I think he enjoys me kissing him too! Though I kiss him so hard, and his chubby cheeks are all squashed by my kissing, but he nv protest! haha!! So he enjoys me kissing him... Today I noticed he smiles when I kissed him!

Recently, I experience a very new emotion. N I call it 'Bliss'. There's some element of thankfulness, contentment as well as joy. When Paul and I are playing or spending some quality time with Oswald as a family, there's Bliss. I shared with Paul and he said he experience the same emotion as well. But we both agree that there's no guarantee to the ever lasting presence of Bliss. As quietly as we experienced it, it may slip away silently too. Hence, we agree that we will spend at least our Sunday as family time, to catch up with each other after a week of busy work schedule.

Like I say there are some ingredients of Thankfulness in Bliss. It causes me to open my heart to thank God for His grace. Nothing I do deserves all that He has provided. A comfortable home to stay in, a loving husband to support me, a lovely son for me to love, a soon-to-start meaningful job to enrich my life and most of all, knowing the One who has given me life abundantly. Compared to my past, what I have now is more than I imagine or ask for. N I thank God for His grace.

See how Paul loves Oswald too! Though he makes fun of me kissing Oswald too much, he soon joins me in the new hobby!

Oswald on his playmat.. You see him pulling his rompers with one hand and grabbing the arch bridge with the other. He has mastered the skill of grabbing his dangling toys and often the arch will fall on him when he pulls too hard. He can also grab 2 different toys at the same time with both hands!!nThis strong boy is also inflicting some scratches on us as he is learning to grab things he comes into contact with..

Nevertheless we love him and patiently endure the pain he is causing.. ! haha..!

Dear God, thank you for your amazing grace that knows no bound..

Theories of Babies

Are there theories on babies?? I use to think they are only old wives' tales abt how to handle babies, but some of it are verified in books that I read.

Some elderly told Paul that we should let baby cry at night and ignore his cry. We thought that was extremely cruel. Until we learn more about it. Yes, u need to learn more abt it. We realise that we can ignore baby's cry for attention at night if we can be sure that baby do not need any more night feeding. And the great benefit of is baby will learn to sleep through the night. And it will take only 2-3days for the baby to learn the new skill!! If we carry baby each time they cry for attention, baby will learn to be reliant on you to fall asleep. So to help Oswald learn, we got to toughen ourselves.

It was not easy listening to him cry n controlling our paternal instinct to carry him. Since I could not carry him, I had to cover my ears and pray. Paul's support was helpful that he controlled me from going to baby. After the first night of crying, we transferred Oswald to his own room. Paul and i decided that since i need to go back to work, Oswald need to learn to sleep on his own. So we put him in his own room. It was not easy for the first 2 nights because there was a bit of anxiety and attachment. But since it helped us to sleep so well, we are happy with the decision we made! moreover, his crying reduced over the nights and he eventually learn to sleep on his own!! =)

Went to library to borrow books on baby sleeping problems and solutions, trying to help Oswald to sleep better.. I pray that my mum can follow the sleeping schedule when I go back to work and she as to care for Oswald.. She tends to let Oswald sleep n wake on his own cue, bt tts not so good.. Babies need routine..

Paul always enjoy carrying Oswald after he came back home from work. He claims that baby loves him and like to stick to him, as seen in the picture below.. But i think the reality is that baby just cannot sit firmly and support his back yet.. Anyway, its always a joy to be with Paul and Oswald and play together.

Oswald reached another milestone when he could grab the toy with his fingers and rattle it for some time.. My baby is growing!!

Love u Oswald! Dear Lord, remind me that we are stewards of your precious son..

Motherhood changes everything..

Someone once told me, 'Motherhood changes everything.'

Indeed, work has never been such a tough decision. Motherhood changes the way I think about work, my choices in work. Practicality seems to have superseded Passion. Convenience have superseded Calling. Or maybe my calling is now a mother. My passion is my child. In this regard, decisions need to be made around the new calling and passion.

The decision to work or not to work, or wat kind of work and how much to work.. they are all running through my head.

To be with Oswald is important.. To work is also important. But I worry I cant cope with both.

Long ago, I decided that I will cont to work full time even with a child. But considering that I need to travel so far to my mother's house, plus the lack of sleep at night makes me wonder if i can manage.

Things are very uncertain. I am still waiting and watching. Maybe Oswald will become very manageable. Perhaps like most baby, he will start to sleep through the night at 3month plus (1 more month to go). Then both Paul and myself will have enough rest for the next day of work. It sounds a little more hopeful now..

Been reading all the parenting books, and no one encourages mother to go back to work! ha! But I will.. Question is how long will I rest before I return? How far can my savings stretch me? Shd I change a new job to suit my new life phase and lifestyle?

Praying that God will lead and guide. N most importantly, clarify for me the priority and wise choices can be made..

Does my baby look like a girl? =)

Daddy Mummy Love Oswald

The most common phrases uttered from my lips these days are: Sayang, Orh-orh, Baby, Mama, Papa, and Love Oswald..

The most popular songs in my house right now: Jesus Loves Me, His Love is, From the rising of the Sun, Wheels of the Bus..

In the morning I sing him: His Love is, From the rising of the sun. In the night, I sing him: Jesus loves me, Silent Night..

Think Oswald reached another milestone last night when he slept for 6hours straight without drinking milk. But poor me, I was woken up by his fussing (he fuss a bit when he is in light sleep) and I thought he wanted milk.. Prepared everything n he fell back to sleep.. N i could not sleep for the next hour.. Anyway, am glad that he is sleeping longer n longer in the night..

I hear stories of how parents 'train' their children nt to drink milk at night so they can have a longer sleep.. 1. ignore the baby's cries of hunger. 2. feed baby plain water. I thought the first method is really cruel when they ignore baby's hunger cries. Will the children grow to be insecure adults because their parents deny them their basic needs when they were babies?

As I faces the frustrations of parenthood, I'm constantly reminded that relationships need to be build up. By blood ties, we are a family. But if I do not take every opportunity to love him, we will cannot grow to be family because there is no relationship.

See how we love him =)

N how happy he is.. Its a joy to see him smile more and more each day.. =)

Happy Baby, Happy Mummy..

Parental Love

I thank God Oswald is 6weeks old now. Still getting to know this new member in my family. Its a continuous process of surrendering my self-centeredness to God, asking for forgiveness so that I may always love him. Oswald's dependency on me reveals my self-centeredness. On bad days, I may need to carry him for up to 2 hours. Tt's when I actually got angry with him for being so selfish! Bt come to think abt it, he does not know ya. God has created little babies this way- that their world only has themselves. Their comfort and satisfaction is everything.

No wonder parents are said to be noble and self-sacrifical. (of course there are also parents who are not) Babies test your patience and test your limits. N the best part is you cant scold them bcos they wont understand!

Anyway, loving one's child does not come naturally. We all love cute little babies. But there are many moments when they are not cute at all.. This love needs to grow..

I observed how my mum care for Oswald and Lucas, I knew that she loves them. N I know that when I was a child, she loves me too (of course right now as well!) But I nv appreciate that until I saw how she loved Lucas and Oswald. Even my dad can recall with fond memories the little stories when I was a baby.. Even though I always find many misgivings about my parents, but 1 thing I need to learn from them- is to learn to love your child the way they are.

Oswald at his 'stare-blank' moments.. seems like a serious thinker..

At his active moments, he kicks his legs and waves his hands!

Lucas is a very kind big brother. He knows how to shout for help when Oswald regurgitate his milk, sing songs to Oswald, and help to pat him to sleep. Oh, he even holds the bottle for Oswald when he is drinking! =) Best thing- he is keeping aside toys for Oswald! Ha! Wat a scarifice! =)

He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry..

Isaiah 30:19b- He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as He hears it, He answers you.

Yday, Sunday, was a horrible day with Oswald. He seems to be crying at the slightest sound, change in environment or touch. N when he cries, he is only comforted by hugs and carrying. It really stresses me. N when I am stress, Paul needs to handle both me and the baby.

As I was strolling him in the home, i picked up a verse and Isa 30:19b was the verse. It was God's promise to Oswald. N i recited the verse to him again n again and committed it to my memory.

I was alone with him this whole morning while Paul is away at work and mum in law had to be in the hospital for some stuff. I am so glad Oswald is less whiny today. N he seems to be more secure after the whole lot of assurances that we have been showering him.

Thank God for His grace. Indeed His grace is sufficient for us each day. If Oswald were to be so whiny today instead of yday, I would have stress to death.

This is my baby boy and I wish he would be so peaceful all the time. He turns purple when he screams!

Yday's episode makes me wonder if I can cope with being with baby alone. It also helps me to see my own boredom coop up at home with baby all day long. Guess, its the blues and the whole adjustment of lifestyle.

I am glad that my confinement is coming to an end. But then again, as long as Oswald is small, I will be confined to a certain extent.

Jokingly, I told Paul that he shd be on maternity leave and take care of baby cos I am so bored at home. While he on the other hand loves to stay home. Look at his sleepy face. He has to work and care for baby at night together with me. He has day and night shift. I feel so bad for him.. But I really cant cope caring for baby 24/7.. Thank God for Paul..

Thank you Lord for another day of Your grace. Pls continue to sustain me..

Post Natal..

this is my Oswald boy.. can u believe it, i m typing this sentence n carrying him in my arms.. he started crying all of sudden! n when placed down prematurely, he wld start to cry..

It has been 17 days since Oswald came into this world.

Its tiring for me as I seek to recover my strength from the delivery.. Lots of blood loss allow me to experience for the first time the feeling of being faint.. I was just bleeding and bleeding on the hospital bed after the labor..

I had a 13 hour labor. I calculated it from the time i experienced my mild contraction to the time when Oswald was finally born. I remember my contraction became really unbearable from 7am in the morning and I was groaning in pain.. I guess I might have scare the other ladies in the room. They were either undergoing epidural or having c-section, so no groaning pain from them.

Anyway, I seem to lose track of time from 7am to 1pm. the next time I know is that the nurses came periodically to update me on the dilation. It went on pretty well, otherwise I would suffer longer time in pain. Finally, at 1pm, my gynae said that I am ready to go into the labor theatre. N it was an hour of bleeding, pushing on command, n breathing.. At 1.59pm, Oswald is born!

I remember in my grogginess that the gynae apologize to me because he didnt expect Oswald to be 4.18kg! He thought he might just be 3.5kg. Otherwise he would recommend for C-section. I am kinda of glad he didnt know so that I dont need to go thru c-section.

There was supposed to be a final contraction expel the placenta, but none came. Gynae decided that my placenta was too exhausted from the labor, therefore he had to vacuum my placenta.. It was then more pain while he massage my tummy to expel the placenta. As he stitch me up, i was glad i was too groggy to feel anything anymore.. but i am glad i could still carry baby and breastfeed him because he became hungry in his first hour of birth and was crying so bad.

I have completed a milestone in life. Nothing I have done in the past, or may do in the future could match up to the labor experience. (Maybe the sleepless nights, diaper change, examination of his poo-poos can match up to that)

It has been stressful. Though I have the help of my mum n sis-in-law, but I know I got to learn to cope with it on my own with Paul somehow. Their help is merely short term, so I need to learn the skill of coaxing baby to sleep, reading his signals.. N it does not help that he gets impatient quite easily and soft cries turns to loud screams rather quickly. N during the day he is rather active, which means I cant catch up on my sleep lost in the night..

Some progress have been made, such as, he seem to be able to differentiate between day n night and my night duty has been rather easy. He wakes for milk and goes back to sleep after diaper change. But my confidence level is still kinda low. What will happen when my mum n sis-in-law returns to M'sia.

Other than coping with him, I also have to learn to cope with my own changes. Change in body shape (eager to get back into shape), change in lifestyle (felt so coop up at home), change in the number of family members at home, learning to stay with mum n sis-in-law.. So many changes taking place at one go! I nearly went mad with the changes.. Thank God for his sustaining grace that brought me through the challenging first 10 days.

O God, pray for your all sustaining grace to help me cope with the Gift you have given me. Give me your patience that I may learn to take thing easy. Help Paul and myself to get to know Oswald more and more. Sometimes I forget he is only 17days old...

Challenging though it may be, Oswald is God's gift for me n Paul.. n His grace will abound..

Delivery Day= Birthday!!

Oswald bday shall be 31 March 2011!!! =) Gynae planned to induce birth on 30 March, and by 31 March 2011, Oswald shall be born. On 30 March, I need to be admitted to the hospital for surgical induction. Suppose to sleep there but I wonder how I can fall asleep? In a few hours, labor pain should set in. Afterwhich, normal delivery should follow. Read online about induction methods and its kinda scary where things have to be inserted into your vaginal. I thought that sounds uncomfortable and therefore how am I suppose to sleep? But whatever it is, praying for a safe and smooth delivery for Oswald and myself. I am happy that Oswald will be born in 1 day's time. Now at the same time, I am beginning to feel a sense of loss if I were to lose my big tummy (despite all the inconveniences it has been giving me, there is a strange sort of attachment) I reminded myself that the big tummy is not the real thing, but Oswald the child is the REAL thing! So I do not need to be overly attached to my tummy and lose focus on my child. He is practically poking his limbs out from my tummy and I should rejoice that he is coming OUT into the world!! =) =) Oswald, all the way!! =) We love you..

Anniversary and wedding day

13 March 2011, Paul and my 1st year anniversary of marriage.

Nothing spectacular and nothing pretty much that I can do with my physical condition, but we did some celebration.

What else can I do now but to enjoy my food =)

(Notice how low my tummy is? That week end, i enter into my 37th week of pregnancy and noticed that my tummy droop to a all time low! It was sliding downward a lot, and created a lot of pressure on the lower half of the tummy)

Anyway, talking about enjoying my food, I brought Paul to this place in Geylang for some HongKong dim sum for breakfast. His first time there, while I have nt been there for awhile. He love the food there especially the chicken feet. Didnt know he love chicken feet so its considered learning something new about him on our anniversary.. It was a simple fare, but bcos of the rustic feel of the shop, we felt very special!

=) See how Paul's chopstick went straight to the chicken feet! =)

N today is Jinsha's wedding.. Look forward to seeing him on his very special day with his bride =)

Week 37- Dying to be there

When I was in my 34th week of pregnancy, I hope to deliver Oswald at week 37 but nope, it did not happen yet..

It so tiring to be carrying a "bowling ball" everywhere you go, bearing with the itch, discomfort in all your activities, and the suffering the pain when baby stretches himself.

I kinda think that the miracle of experiencing baby moving in you is a bit over romanticized. Many mothers was just ga-ga-ing over the fact that they can feel and see their baby moving inside of them, but no one told me about the pain I would experience. Sometimes, it hurts so bad i just want to smack my tummy and ask Oswald to stop. Well, well.. does not sound like his fault but...

Had some episode of near birth, but I was just have some signs of false labor but after waiting for awhile, i know times not up for Oswald yet. Last night, I was just experiencing pain and aches that I thought might be signs of labor. I asked God for wisdom to help me discern if it indeed is. It turn out otherwise..

If I were to go into labor the very next minute, I would be very excited!!!! No fear or whatsoever, just excitement and impatience!! ha! Dont care even if my mother in law is not here yet to care during the confinement period. I have some level of confidence that I can do it on my own! Why need to eat all those ginger, vinegar, heaty and oily food? I always think about our ang moh friends in other parts of the world who gave birth and just eat normal stuff.

In any case, i am praying everyday and telling Oswald everyday that I look forward to him seeing the world SOON!