I told Marge, if I have a child, I will call him/her 恒希. (It means to have hope forever, to never give up on hoping.) I learnt that it’s so important to have hope. Of course faith and love as well. Oh! I can just call another 恒信 (to have faith forever and never give up believing.) And just as we cannot separate faith, love and hope, so my children cannot be separated! They will need to support one another in love… Haha… I love it!!!
快乐是自己的，不是你给的，寂寞要自己负责。
Even though there is loneliness, there is no regret. I just got to go through this. Even though it feels lonely, I need to believe that my Father is with me. Here is a part of my life which I know only God can walk me through it. No one else can. Maybe its also a part of my life that I am facing up to reality that there is no one who can fill me fully… I have perhaps been idealistic. And I was too idealistic to realise it.
Who am I? Am I who you think I am? Am I who I think I am? Am I what I do? Am I what I believe? Am I who you never see me to be? Am I who I never myself to be? Who am I? I thought I knew. But not so. The answer is obvious and yet not so obvious to me. I am who I am in Christ. But what does it mean? Then what is the difference between me and the other Christians? Who am I?
Only God knows. I have become to see Him as more and more important in my life. Without God, I would be floating in my life without direction. He is my anchor. Though I am still holding Him in my boat, and have not let down the anchor as yet. So God is still floating with me in my boat. My boat have not yet settle down..
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Leaders who care...
I am very thankful for all the adults in my life who have helped me along my growing up years. I know of many people who yearned and prayed for mentors, but so far they have none. God has different learning methods for each of us. I know of friends who learn tremendously from books alone. And that is God's grace and provision for them to learn.
God knows I need people to interact with, bounce ideas off, and to sharpen me. So He brought into my life many wise people who have a heart for me. Some of them stayed longer in my life than others, but many are there to journey with me. I am thankful for each of them, no matter how long or short their stay was.
I never knew how blessed I am to have a leader personally accountable for me. Someone responsible for me, checking on me, challenging me, comforting me, assuring me, rebuking me (though I don’t enjoy this part of it).
Thank God for Margaret and Lee Yin who are now journeying with me at this stage.
Thank God for Robert, Kia Yuan, Oliver who cared for me and stood up for me in their fatherly ways and gave me comfort and advice.
Thank God for Uncle Kim Chye who looked upon me as a daughter when he was working as a care-taker in Nav office. I miss him...
Thank God for Michael that he still cares for me ever since he first took me for bible study 10years ago.
Thank God for Chung who influenced me a great deal in my pre-adulthood years, patiently building me up for the work.
Thank God also for people who periodically drop by me to share and care, Roy & Bee Lay, Pastor Andrew, Pastor John.
Serene is right... I do have many people who love me... And in that I should take comfort and be secure.. =)
Father, continue to give people to care for me. Help me to learn from each of these leaders in my life that I may share the life that they have poured into me.
God knows I need people to interact with, bounce ideas off, and to sharpen me. So He brought into my life many wise people who have a heart for me. Some of them stayed longer in my life than others, but many are there to journey with me. I am thankful for each of them, no matter how long or short their stay was.
I never knew how blessed I am to have a leader personally accountable for me. Someone responsible for me, checking on me, challenging me, comforting me, assuring me, rebuking me (though I don’t enjoy this part of it).
Thank God for Margaret and Lee Yin who are now journeying with me at this stage.
Thank God for Robert, Kia Yuan, Oliver who cared for me and stood up for me in their fatherly ways and gave me comfort and advice.
Thank God for Uncle Kim Chye who looked upon me as a daughter when he was working as a care-taker in Nav office. I miss him...
Thank God for Michael that he still cares for me ever since he first took me for bible study 10years ago.
Thank God for Chung who influenced me a great deal in my pre-adulthood years, patiently building me up for the work.
Thank God also for people who periodically drop by me to share and care, Roy & Bee Lay, Pastor Andrew, Pastor John.
Serene is right... I do have many people who love me... And in that I should take comfort and be secure.. =)
Father, continue to give people to care for me. Help me to learn from each of these leaders in my life that I may share the life that they have poured into me.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Making Sense out of it
Something's wrong with my tummy, got a woozy feeling. (Kailing taught me this term-woozy, I thot this is quite a cute way of describing your stomach) Whatever I eat, it will “brew in my tummy and then come out of my system straight away (& its watery).
Anyway my stomach feels empty, incapable of tolerating any food. I am not feeling the appetite too. Guess its got to do with my emotions. I feel empty, just like my stomach is feeling empty.
Things/persons I have used to fill up my void for too long is slowly being removed by God-leaving a sense of emptiness within me. A sense of loss, loneliness but yet HOPE remains. Even though it remains somewhere in the distance, at least its somewhere to be seen.
I made the prayer to be emptied, and now it's taking so much out of me to remain still and continue to let God empty me. I remember Isa 40:30-31.
Those who wait on the Lord will soar like eagles. When eagles reach a certain age, they will rise to a maximum peak. In order for them to soar higher, they need to go through a painful process-stripping themselves off their feathers. Finding an isolated cave, and using their beaks, they begin stripping themselves off their feather. After this painful process, they need to wait for the new feather to grow. This is a most vulnerable period for the eagles because they can not fly during this period.
Though painful, though vulnerable, but its so important for all of us who want to grow! I am thankful for the lessons from the eagles. They look strong, majestic and powerful, and I want to be like them. Yet sometimes I am tempted to avoid the pain necessary to reach such maturity. I am much tempted to give up, yet this cannot be. My friends who know me, pray for me that I may preserve in hope and faith, that this time may not be wasted.
Sufferings in this painful world are senseless, but God use them to make sense for us all.
Anyway my stomach feels empty, incapable of tolerating any food. I am not feeling the appetite too. Guess its got to do with my emotions. I feel empty, just like my stomach is feeling empty.
Things/persons I have used to fill up my void for too long is slowly being removed by God-leaving a sense of emptiness within me. A sense of loss, loneliness but yet HOPE remains. Even though it remains somewhere in the distance, at least its somewhere to be seen.
I made the prayer to be emptied, and now it's taking so much out of me to remain still and continue to let God empty me. I remember Isa 40:30-31.
Those who wait on the Lord will soar like eagles. When eagles reach a certain age, they will rise to a maximum peak. In order for them to soar higher, they need to go through a painful process-stripping themselves off their feathers. Finding an isolated cave, and using their beaks, they begin stripping themselves off their feather. After this painful process, they need to wait for the new feather to grow. This is a most vulnerable period for the eagles because they can not fly during this period.
Though painful, though vulnerable, but its so important for all of us who want to grow! I am thankful for the lessons from the eagles. They look strong, majestic and powerful, and I want to be like them. Yet sometimes I am tempted to avoid the pain necessary to reach such maturity. I am much tempted to give up, yet this cannot be. My friends who know me, pray for me that I may preserve in hope and faith, that this time may not be wasted.
Sufferings in this painful world are senseless, but God use them to make sense for us all.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
To be understood is to be loved
Read this great book tt tells alot about fear. Specifically, the fear of being known by others..
Identify especially abt this part where it says we feel loved when we are understood. I may be in the midst of many, but if I am not understood, there will be a sense of aloneness. Gifts and talents can bring no comfort.
To be understood is to love. To try to understand is being loving.. How many times have I felt lonely/alone when I dun think I am understood. How frustrating it is when others cannot seem to understand our point.. N how many times have I not love others when I fail to understand them. How frustrating is it for me when I dun see eye to eye with others abt issues.. Perhaps the solution is to understand.. Or at least seek to understand..
I often hear, "People seperate because of understanding-因为了解而分手" But I guess, people go their seperate ways because there is no understanding.. Or there is an inability to understand, or a lack of effort to understand until its too late.. way too late..
I dunno which one motivates which one? Love motivates understanding? Or understanding motivates love.. I dunno.. Jus a question in my mind. If u have any brilliant idea, pls let me know.. =)
Identify especially abt this part where it says we feel loved when we are understood. I may be in the midst of many, but if I am not understood, there will be a sense of aloneness. Gifts and talents can bring no comfort.
To be understood is to love. To try to understand is being loving.. How many times have I felt lonely/alone when I dun think I am understood. How frustrating it is when others cannot seem to understand our point.. N how many times have I not love others when I fail to understand them. How frustrating is it for me when I dun see eye to eye with others abt issues.. Perhaps the solution is to understand.. Or at least seek to understand..
I often hear, "People seperate because of understanding-因为了解而分手" But I guess, people go their seperate ways because there is no understanding.. Or there is an inability to understand, or a lack of effort to understand until its too late.. way too late..
I dunno which one motivates which one? Love motivates understanding? Or understanding motivates love.. I dunno.. Jus a question in my mind. If u have any brilliant idea, pls let me know.. =)
Monday, April 23, 2007
"the earth is full of the goodness of God.."
Jus had badminton with the staffs today.. not bad.. I quite like the game.. Its so intense to play with Tom Chua and some other older folks.. I realised that Robert, our dear Mr Robert Yeun ever played badminton before.. As in he learnt the game, the strokes and know the skills.. He is pretty good in the game.. haha.. But we laughed at him and said that he has the skills, but dun hv the strength to play! =p
At staff sharing today, one common theme that was brought up was HOPE. End of the matter is that, we are learning to look to Jesus no matter what goes wrong or goes right.. Life is real tough.. But that is only one side of the reality.. The other side of reality is God is Good! I want to look to the God-side of the reality.. =)
At staff sharing today, one common theme that was brought up was HOPE. End of the matter is that, we are learning to look to Jesus no matter what goes wrong or goes right.. Life is real tough.. But that is only one side of the reality.. The other side of reality is God is Good! I want to look to the God-side of the reality.. =)
Saturday, April 14, 2007
in Christ... we love
I jus professed my love to Charlene.. haha.. =) Not tt kind tt u r thinking of.. But as I was telling her I love her, I kinda think i really do.. I wont dare to say that my love is the deep deep kinda love. But to a certain manageable degree I do. N i do love all the girls that God has placed in my love.. Each of them..
Huimei, Rachel, Ruth, Santi, Charlene, Suyin, Nat, Eunice, Samantha.. And now even the girls in Christ Church..
Dear girls, pls remember that my love will fail you. I will fail you somehow, someday.. So let's all put our security in Christ, and our hope in Him.. =) Its only in Him that we can love..
Huimei, Rachel, Ruth, Santi, Charlene, Suyin, Nat, Eunice, Samantha.. And now even the girls in Christ Church..
Dear girls, pls remember that my love will fail you. I will fail you somehow, someday.. So let's all put our security in Christ, and our hope in Him.. =) Its only in Him that we can love..
Thursday, April 12, 2007
明白
有时候真的觉得好累。是不是真的该好好休息?不懂得休息的人是有什么问题吗？努力对我来说到底是有什么意义？我不懂。 懂不懂也没有关系。知道问题的由来并不代表能够解决问题。我曾经认为明白问题就能够有答案，所以我努力想要明白。可是事实并非如此。生活中的问题不是明明白白就能够得到答案的。因为生活太复杂。。没有几个人能够明白一切。即使明白了，大家明白的事都不一样。到底谁对谁错？谁明白的比较正确？没有人能够说得明白。你明白吗？因为我不明白。。。
现在已经不想再要明白什么。只有一件事是需要明白的--神的真理。因为神的真理是给我生命的真理。只有明白神的真理，我才能够得到释放，获得自由。在基督里我是谁？这是追求真理的我，最基本需要知道的。如果不了解在基督里所能够拥有的权力和丰盛的生命，那么，一切的真理都是枉然。
现在已经不想再要明白什么。只有一件事是需要明白的--神的真理。因为神的真理是给我生命的真理。只有明白神的真理，我才能够得到释放，获得自由。在基督里我是谁？这是追求真理的我，最基本需要知道的。如果不了解在基督里所能够拥有的权力和丰盛的生命，那么，一切的真理都是枉然。
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Drink Offering
God desires Obedience, not Sacrifice. Arent they the same? I used to think that to obey is a form of sacrifice. But Pastor tell me no.. He said to obey is to love..
I told Margaret, to obey is painful because it takes alot out of me.. I literally need to die to do that. Each time when it comes to obedience/ submission, I feel pain within me. N that pain must be because there was a sacrifice made. But she reminded me of "Obedience is better than sacrifice", so obedience and sacrifice must be different. I didnt understand her at that point.
I was reading and I came across it again- to obey is better than sacrifice. I prayed and ask God to show me whatever it means? He showed me that when I obey and I find it a sacrifice, its because I am FULL of MYSELF. If I am emptied of myself, then to obey is nature. To obey is no sacrifice. The so-called sacrifices I made are really no sacrifice at all.. (Its just like you would not call the maid at home making sacrifices when they are doing what they suppose to do rite. For those who find this too chim, hope this illustration helps you.)
So I prayed.. N i asked God to empty me.. I know that if I still have some bit of self in me, I am not truly serving Him.. In the name of serving Him, I could actually be serving myself such as making self look good in front of others. So i asked to be emptied.. I m not the kind to usually say that I was led by the Spirit. But I know I was led.. He led me to pray this prayer.. And right after praying, fear set in. Fear of not knowing what may happen to me. What does it mean to be emptied of self? Would it be even more painful?
Whatever it is, I have already prayed.. Watever it is, there is no turning back. Prayer is made.. I really admire Paul, his life is a drink offering..
When you see me downcast at times, know that I am merely gg thru this period in my life where God is reminding me so much of death. N in the face of death, being downcast is naturally.. I cant believe it that I witness 2 deaths a few days ago. Right in front of my eyes..
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.
I told Margaret, to obey is painful because it takes alot out of me.. I literally need to die to do that. Each time when it comes to obedience/ submission, I feel pain within me. N that pain must be because there was a sacrifice made. But she reminded me of "Obedience is better than sacrifice", so obedience and sacrifice must be different. I didnt understand her at that point.
I was reading and I came across it again- to obey is better than sacrifice. I prayed and ask God to show me whatever it means? He showed me that when I obey and I find it a sacrifice, its because I am FULL of MYSELF. If I am emptied of myself, then to obey is nature. To obey is no sacrifice. The so-called sacrifices I made are really no sacrifice at all.. (Its just like you would not call the maid at home making sacrifices when they are doing what they suppose to do rite. For those who find this too chim, hope this illustration helps you.)
So I prayed.. N i asked God to empty me.. I know that if I still have some bit of self in me, I am not truly serving Him.. In the name of serving Him, I could actually be serving myself such as making self look good in front of others. So i asked to be emptied.. I m not the kind to usually say that I was led by the Spirit. But I know I was led.. He led me to pray this prayer.. And right after praying, fear set in. Fear of not knowing what may happen to me. What does it mean to be emptied of self? Would it be even more painful?
Whatever it is, I have already prayed.. Watever it is, there is no turning back. Prayer is made.. I really admire Paul, his life is a drink offering..
When you see me downcast at times, know that I am merely gg thru this period in my life where God is reminding me so much of death. N in the face of death, being downcast is naturally.. I cant believe it that I witness 2 deaths a few days ago. Right in front of my eyes..
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I am learning...
I am learning to let go.. Not to only depend on my brains whenever things happen. Not to find a reason for everything.. To just let go, let event unfold and see where God leads.
This is the case with Christ Church, this is the case in my life, this is the case in my future.. This is the case everywhere.. "Thinking confuses the mind", I read somewhere.. I was struck by this statement. I tend to agree with it.. My thinking usually confuses me then give me clarity. But there are also times when my santified thinking brings me new insights. See I am confused now already.. thinking too muz..
Right now I am learning not to rely on the brains that God has given to me. Irony and sounds stupid. But I need to do that in order to rely on the Spirit that God has given to me too. Hopefully one day soon, my brain will be submitted to the Spirit. Right now I am just learning..
To learn to see the events happening around me, seeing God's hand in the events and to discern where He is leading. Just like Mary. I truly admire her for one thing, other than being courageous in bearing Jesus. I admire her for her heart. The bible says "she treasure all these things in her heart". She knows what it means to reflect in the events in life and to see and wait upon what God is doing in and around her.
Hopefully one day I can say "and Li Jie ponder and treasured all these things in her heart".
Help me dear Lord to see you working in every situation, to truly see Your omnipresence.
This is the case with Christ Church, this is the case in my life, this is the case in my future.. This is the case everywhere.. "Thinking confuses the mind", I read somewhere.. I was struck by this statement. I tend to agree with it.. My thinking usually confuses me then give me clarity. But there are also times when my santified thinking brings me new insights. See I am confused now already.. thinking too muz..
Right now I am learning not to rely on the brains that God has given to me. Irony and sounds stupid. But I need to do that in order to rely on the Spirit that God has given to me too. Hopefully one day soon, my brain will be submitted to the Spirit. Right now I am just learning..
To learn to see the events happening around me, seeing God's hand in the events and to discern where He is leading. Just like Mary. I truly admire her for one thing, other than being courageous in bearing Jesus. I admire her for her heart. The bible says "she treasure all these things in her heart". She knows what it means to reflect in the events in life and to see and wait upon what God is doing in and around her.
Hopefully one day I can say "and Li Jie ponder and treasured all these things in her heart".
Help me dear Lord to see you working in every situation, to truly see Your omnipresence.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
First Year Anniversary
Today is the first year anniversary of my full time work with the Navs..
I thank God for good friends like Serene, Margaret and WeiQi who helped me celebrate it.. =) Really really thank God for friends.. It was a pleasant surprise and it was really a surprise and they did it well.. Usually I can anticipate surprise and I hardly get surprise.. Actually didnt attribute much siginificance to the one yr anniversary.. But these friends did.. Thanks for appreciating me.. Though Margaret cant make it, she contributed too =) Thanks..
N Rachel brought me to HolidayInnAtrium restaurant today for a buffet lunch.. good food.. v v full.. but didnt think I ate alot.. feel tt its a waste.. But also thankful that God plan such a coincidence for me. To enjoy more and more good food to reward me for this anniversary.. (swim the fats away! haha)
Rachel, will continue to pray for you and always pray for you..
Wednesday gg to Tung Lok with YJ.. More good food.. Really thankful.. Looking forward to a good time with her. This is another plan by God to celebrate my anniversary.. =)
Lord, thank you for your encouragement and love..
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