Drink Offering

God desires Obedience, not Sacrifice. Arent they the same? I used to think that to obey is a form of sacrifice. But Pastor tell me no.. He said to obey is to love..

I told Margaret, to obey is painful because it takes alot out of me.. I literally need to die to do that. Each time when it comes to obedience/ submission, I feel pain within me. N that pain must be because there was a sacrifice made. But she reminded me of "Obedience is better than sacrifice", so obedience and sacrifice must be different. I didnt understand her at that point.

I was reading and I came across it again- to obey is better than sacrifice. I prayed and ask God to show me whatever it means? He showed me that when I obey and I find it a sacrifice, its because I am FULL of MYSELF. If I am emptied of myself, then to obey is nature. To obey is no sacrifice. The so-called sacrifices I made are really no sacrifice at all.. (Its just like you would not call the maid at home making sacrifices when they are doing what they suppose to do rite. For those who find this too chim, hope this illustration helps you.)

So I prayed.. N i asked God to empty me.. I know that if I still have some bit of self in me, I am not truly serving Him.. In the name of serving Him, I could actually be serving myself such as making self look good in front of others. So i asked to be emptied.. I m not the kind to usually say that I was led by the Spirit. But I know I was led.. He led me to pray this prayer.. And right after praying, fear set in. Fear of not knowing what may happen to me. What does it mean to be emptied of self? Would it be even more painful?

Whatever it is, I have already prayed.. Watever it is, there is no turning back. Prayer is made.. I really admire Paul, his life is a drink offering..

When you see me downcast at times, know that I am merely gg thru this period in my life where God is reminding me so much of death. N in the face of death, being downcast is naturally.. I cant believe it that I witness 2 deaths a few days ago. Right in front of my eyes..

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.