Sometimes I find that I ask too many questions such that they don’t know how to answer me. I realized now that when they don’t answer me, it may be because they don’t know the answer.
I need to learn to ask simple questions and say simple statements. And today I find that I am really too impatient to wait for answers. It’s easier to tell the solution. But I really need to ask myself what am I depriving them of?
Another thing I find myself also uncomfortable with is when others are not hapy with me. Its easier to be pal-ly with them than to have to enforce rules and bundaries. N really pushes your boundary a lot and one really have to be very firm to enforce the boundary. And SRW also pushes it a lot. He does it differently. He does not ask a lot of questions like N, but he keeps very quiet and do the things that he likes and want. What is he facing in school or at home that is making him so… always doing the things he wants. And what makes R so disrespectful? He threw the paper which I prepared for them on the floor today during groupwork. I felt trampled upon just like the paper he threw on the floor. I wanted to tell them about respect and make him and the other boys who followed him to take up the paper and continue to take down notes on it. In the end, I didn’t enforce it. Isn’t it a matter of learning style that they didn’t want to learn by taking down notes. If they do that the next time, how should I respond? Tell them that I appreciate it if they would respect even a piece of paper because it someone else has prepared it. And I would also respect them that they do not want to use the piece of paper or even write on it.
Every time I would find it such a challenge to this group of boys for groupwork. It’s hard to manage them in groupwork and have to deliver the point across at the same time. I just realized that if I do not manage one or 2 boys properly, it would set a bad standards for the other boys to follow. And if I let the wrong behavior passed without addressing it, others would also learn that this is permissible and would follow suit or even try to test their boundary.
On hindsight, I feel that to be able to continue to take on also gives me the opportunity to interact and to teach them. It allows me to continue to polish my skills and also to improve my rapport with them.
Another thing I realized today is that its not easy to do debrief. Especially to praise during debrief. Maybe I need to intentionally look for praises to praise. I’m naturally incline to criticize. To intentionally look for praises to praise, I would be able to praise more genuinely and authentically. Rather than trying to recall some praiseworthy actions from memory.
Being a social worker is tough (ok, all work is tough, I acknowledge that). Especially when you try to strive for congruence. It takes time to reflect upon some of these issues and after the reflection, the opportunity to respond to that particular child, youth or client is already over. I lose the chance to influence them. Maybe right now, it is as if I am sitting on a cushion full of pricks. When I meet with one situation, I got to reflect and learn. And as I learn and change, I got to change my position so that I can be more comfortable. I keep shifting my weight around and right now I am hardly in any comfortable position.
O God, it helps so much to write things down. It helps me to find my sense of equilibrium. I hardly find space to do it. In the office, I am so tempted to just do work and work. Office is not really a relax place. I cannot really relax and think there. Help me to find time and do this very very often.
And God I pray that you help me to grow as a person and as a worker. Many things I am still figuring out. I pray that you would inspire me with your word and your personhood what it is that I should do and what approach I should take.
Father, I recognize my inadequacy as a worker. Help me Lord God to manage and overcome. You are my Lord.
And God you know how bad I feel about not being able to stop a girl from going to abortion. You that my self-blame. Even though I do not want to blame myself, I also feel that I have a part to play. What are you saying about this my Lord? Please tell me what you are seeing from your view. Where does my effort stand? Have I make things worse?
It’s difficult to be growing. Difficult for me and also difficult for me to help my clients to be growing. Difficult and slow. But God, you are the one who makes things grow. Help me to grow O Lord.
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