Captivating

Been reading "Captivating". Its good.. Thanks to Santi & Suyin who got the book for me. Provoked alot of thoughts. BEAUTY. Tt's what the book talk about. A woman's essence is in her beauty. Woman made in the image of God, reflects God differently from a man. She reflects Beauty while he reflects Strength.

I also want to be beautiful. There is nothing wrong about wanting to be beautiful, but the beauty is in the soul. It sounds so clinque, but to me, its mysterious. How can I be truly beautiful? I may beautify my appearance but can I beautify my soul?

I learn that Beauty invites, Beauty inspires, Beauty comforts. A woman who is dominating or controlling oppresses others around her.. (Oh, I am so often times like this and seen many such people ard). A woman who is anxious does not reflect the Beauty of God. Instead of telling others that "All is well", an anxious woman tell others that "All is not well" (I fall into such weakness as well). Woman reflecting the Beauty of God makes people comfortable around her instead of giving people the feeling of oppression. Woman reflecting the Beauty of God gives people the message that God is in control, and with such she is at rest.

I wonder how I can be strong but not domineering? How can I surrender to God and not be weak? Beauty is mysterious, just as God is mysterious and just as all women are mysterious.. Perhaps I can never figure Beauty out, but I am going to pray this into my life. Only God can make me beautiful. As I look at my beautiful God, as I reflect Him more and more, I will be more and more beautiful. Maybe beauty is not a state of doing but a state of being..

Woman are Captivating.. But many wounds and lies in life tell us otherwise. Instead of being told we are loved, delighted in, captivating and worthy, we are told all the lies that you can imagine. N being fallen, we reaffirmed those lies in our lives.. We truly believe we are worthless, ugly, unwanted etc etc.. (i realised that I have difficulty believing people when they say that they like me or that I did well. Perhaps I really believed that I have nothing much for people to take delight in.) The only solution is to let God tell us that we are Captivating.. We are Captivating. There is no accompanying reasons to the fact that we are Captivating.. We just are..

There is a vacuum in all of our hearts that only God can fill.. But today I realised that there is also a vacuum in God's heart- a vacuum only I can fill. He made me to love me, He is awaiting me.. Yet I struggle.. to love Him is to obey Him.. To submit to Him.. I struggle with obedience.. I know God does not want my dutiful obligations, He want my devoted worship to Him. Worship Him out of my free will, out of my love, out of my passion for Him.. Yet I struggle.. I find it hard to give God wat He wants. Not that I am facing some big issue in my life tt require me to make a Lordship decision, but I know to be totally devoted to God requires a high price. Thinking of it brings pain.. Literal pain.. I can feel it across my heart..

God I need to see the reward and glory awaiting me. I need to see Your love motivating me. I am unable for I am merely human. I need your empowerment to surrender to you. God you do not take me by force. You wait for me to surrender to you. God you are gentle.. Father you are loving.. I pray that you will make me yield myself to you.. Thank you Lord for your patience, for showing patience toward my stubborn heart..

Father continue to expose the lies and wounds in my life and clean them out. It is painful I know but I also know that your healing balm is there for me. N Lord I know that unless you are Lord, I am not giving you access into those painful areas, and you cannot heal me. I struggle bcos I want your healing but at the same time I cannot open up those areas for you.. Help me.. Help me..

This is my prayer,
Make it my one desire...
That in my secret heart,
No other love competes,
No rival throne survives,
And I serve only You.

Let me see your Beauty..