Jesus loves me

This is the story of Sn.

Sn is 11 years old, home schooled, lovely and cheerful because she knows Jesus loves her.

But Sn has the body of a 2year old. All day long, she sits on her bed, or if she goes out of the house, she needs to be pushed in a pram. She has a big big pram to herself, because all the extra space in the pram is needed for an oxygen tank and a generator to generate the oxygen for her to breathe.

If she needs to shower, she needs to remove her oxygen mask, and rely on a small tube which will deliver oxygen for her. If she needs to otake photo, she will remove her mask and stop breathing for a few seconds in order to look pretty without her mask on.

Unknown disorder trapped her inside a small body. Not exactly handicapped but unable to do many things normal 11 years old can do. Her mother can only teach her at home. She can write neatly, draw and color in rainbow colors, sing songs and memorise verses because her mother wants to keep her mind sharp.

At the age of 3, she nearly died, but her crisis led her mother and herself to know the Lord. Her father became more open. God's grace kept this family lovely and supportive of each other.

Want to cry many times when I see her. But how can i be sad when she is so positive. Her courage gave me courage. And gaver her mother and father courage. But I sense she may not outlive her parents. I guess this is also God's mercy. If she outlive them, who will care for her?

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so..

Ev

This story is about Ev.

She has a son who has autism, 4 yrs old. She has another 2 year old daughter, whom I suspect to be hyper active. Her husband is not bringing home any income as he is investing his time in his 3-month study course which promise him a more stable income. For the sake of her family, Ev is coping alone.

In the night, when her head hits the pillow, her world is spinning and her body trembles from the stress accumulated throughout the day.

Autism alters the family in many ways...

1. Her social circle. Ev is rather isolated and dare not go out of the house because she is often misunderstood. Scolding from the neighbors and passer-bys are common as her son express himself by hitting other children. They do not understand that autism children look normal but their world is different.

2. Her living condition. Her house is empty except for the old dining table, old 2 seater sofa and a old TV set, messy bed and a simple children's bed where the 2 kids share. All other things post a danger to the children. It needs to be empty.

3. The family church going arrangement. Her husband goes to church first, then he comes home to manage the children, then she goes to church.

That is her only respite and on Tues night she attends a support group for mothers whose children have autism.

I visited her and help her manage her children. She take one and I take another.

Before I left, I wonder how she is going to cope with the rest of the day. I wonder what she do in a day. It can drive anyone crazy if not for the grace of God.

God is strengthening her daily. How deep is the mother's love for her children. And how much deeper the Father's love for us.. though we are so unlovely. In deep appreciation of His love for me.. So unworthy but forgiven.

J

I wanna share about J today. She is 17 years old this yr.. Her mother is 56, and her father is 68. Her mother has schizoprenia and her father has dementia.

She stays in 3room flat. B4 the Residents' Committee knows about her family, her house was super cluttered with junks and very disorganized. The floor in the house is bare concrete. They all sleep on mattresses in the living hall, with a stench to it. There is no wardrobe or cabinet thaty can keep all her stuff. All of them filled with old things that is forgotten but left undisturbed. Her mum refuses to dispose of them.

But to my delight, she is alright. She studies in a neighborhood Sec Sch in the Express Stream. She scores well enuff to get into Poly. How did she manage all these years?

She shares... Her father prays with her nightly when she was a little girl. Until he has dementia. The elderly man attends a chinese church while she attends church occassionally. She hardly goes to church nowadays.

God's grace is with her. He protected her from the negative peer influence in the neighborhood when she wandered ard because her father is working and her mother is unable to care for her. He gave her grace to treat her mother's verbal abuse as a joke when she was only a little girl. When she is old enough to understand, God gave her the discernment to reject the verbal abuse as part of her schizoprenic symptons. She desires to know the word of God, but she hardly attends church now. Her cell members goes to expensive places to eat after church and she is unable to afford them, so she refrains from joining them.

When I see my clients, I see God's grace and mercy in each lives.. I am in a privileged position to be able to listen to their stories. Because as a result my life is enriched. People say my job is tough, but I dont think so. My job is there to listen and affirm. Many merely needs to have their stories heard.

Lesson of the day

Oh God, I am so tired.. Many more phonecalls to make to follow-up with all the referral from schools...

Saw a family just now with 4 families staying in one household. The owner of the house is reduced to staying in one room. Her brother-in-law family has to sleep in the living room with walls made of cardboards. I think they have about 16 people staying together.. only 4 ppl working in the family and the highest income is only $2000. All the other 3 families are staying with her because they have no flat of their own, and currently waiting for their rental flat.

Actually I feel quite frustrated with her attitude. She is a real fine lady, just that she has this happy-go-luck attitude tt is not helping her and her children. Her 2 year old girl is really FAT but then she feeds her 2 tins of milk every month! I think tt's too much la.. Lucas dont drink so much milk when he was 2 years old..

Lesson of the day: Plan how many children I want to have.. If you cant afford to have so many children, get an extra job to feed them. Mother's love and attention is not everything.. They also need food and books.

2009 and 2010

Have not been able to update my blog cos I have not have access to internet at home. There is a laptop, but we hardly use it.. Now in the office and its my knocking off time.

2009 is ending.. I welcome 2010. 2009 is happening.. 2010 is expected to be refreshing as I cont to learn and make adjustments.

Learning at home as a wife, in the workplace as a social worker, learning to ride all the different tensions and demands that screams for me, learn how to relate to the girls who are growing up and maturing in their own ways..

BS groups ends, the time spent together in BS are memories of the past, but the relationships do not end. N that is what we are gg to carry with us to heaven, relationship w God and others. This is how I encourage some of my girls when we have to end our BS groups..

The old has gone, the new has come. N we have hope because of the new work that God is gg to work in us..

Birthday...

There was a very meaningful HongKong TV serial showing in Sg recently. Didn’t really watch it much except for the last episode. At the end of the show, he concluded that he is a millionaire because families and friends are his wealth.

I don’t think I am some one who treats friends and family very well. I admit I am self-centered and there is much room for improvement.

I am not saying this as fake humility or what, but as an honest evaluation of self, I confess to my own weakness.

Despite my shortcomings, God has blessed me with friends and family who loves me. (Much as at times I feel so frustrated by my family members, and I also hope I can not only know in my head that they love me, but also feel it in my heart.)

Anyway, I know that God expresses His love for me through the people around me and also through His being with me daily.

Here is how I celebrated my birthday!

FOOD!!! Kia Yuan would be tickled by this because he knows I love food and somehow this year, I ate so much during this birthday period.

Went to Marriot with Paul. Had a buffet that I would never get to eat except during birthday. And after trying this once, I will never come back here again, because what I wanted was the experience of the food there! Hehe…

Rather happy with the seafood! Though I wish they could cook the crayfish the zhi cha style rather than the ang moh style

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The drunken prawns are good! The soup is tasty and with the prawns freshly cooked in the soup, it is juicy and leaves an herbal aroma =)

The next nice thingy was the steak. I am not a steak person, but I personally enjoy the sauce that goes along with the steak and the baked potato that is cutely prepared.

As for dessert, they have nice cheng tng and with so much dried longan that I believed they didn’t add any sugar to make it sweet. It makes it sweet without being sick.

Fayth and Jolynn remembered my birthday and they very generously gave me a treat, together with YJia at Chilli Padi Nonya Café. (Another buffet!)

These 2 girls LOOOOOVEEEEEES food. And I am not KIDDING!!!! They would travel to places to taste good food! Farrer Park Laska, TPY Ban Mee, Holland Village Provence Bakery… Amused by them =)

Anyway, the last time we came to Bugis, they saw this Nonya café, so there we went today!

Laska, MeeSiam, Gado-gado, Kueh Pati, all very nonya taste. Not bad.

Especially love the Kueh Pati, we can eat it over and over again. It has a crunch, but softened by the sauce. So it does not hurt your tongue. The turnip is tasty as well. I cant exactly describe the taste, but it left a pleasant taste for us to eat it over and over again.

But the chwee kueh there is not so nice. The kueh is nice, but the chilli and the cai po still lose to the one in Bedok. So people, still go for the Bedok chwee kueh. I will not recommend Nonya chwee kueh..

Thank you girls, thank you YJia, Thank you Paul for your kindness toward me =)

Lovely bcos of You (God, friends and families)

This is THE event of my life.. (Ok, maybe one of the event, the other one would be the church blessing next yr) N I am thankful for many things. The one thought I have was the many friends who stood by me to make this happen. I just want to share some pictures =)

To you, Serene, Huimei, Chee Wei, Kris who cannot make it to be with me though you so much wanted to do so. Appreciate it.

To you Charlene, Ruth, Santi, Suyin, Nat, Lihui & Stella whom I could nt invite as there was not enough space to accomodate. Love you!



We had it Swissotel Merchant Court. Thanks to Jac's recommendation. The setting was beautiful, small event, and people were comfortable. Food was good as complimented by friends and families. N Paul said if his sister didnt even have a word of complain, that means it must be really good! hehe..




Our parents mingling before the event started. Paul's mother is very kind and she even put her hands around my mother. =) Looks like I am gg to have a very understanding MIL.



Paul and myself made it a point to talk to the guests before the event. N we were just relaxing ourselves and chatting with them! I feel that the only way I could thank my guests for coming is really to catch up with them etc. I mean they are there to be with us, not to watch us.


Preparing to march-in...



The vow-making process.. Why did I laugh so hard?? Cos Paul could not remember his vows and his attempt to recall was so funny. But it made everyone laugh, including me.. Aiyo, I seriously tried my best to control my laughter liao.



Signing on marriage cert..



Prayer..



N chocolate fondue!! hehe.. But then ah, I get to eat none of it! I was trying to talk to everyone tt I could not really focus on eating.. I really want to go back there for the food!




There was a pendant, given by KY n Marge, my 2 beloved leaders.. He spent the effort to think about what I will like, and went to look around for the gift. It feels like a downry from the parents! haha! Anyway, I love it.. Not the gift but the persons and the thoughts behind them.

Thankful for...

• good weather. God made it!
• Freda, who helped with my hair and give feedback on my make-up (DIY job)
• Ps John who go the extra mile for us and being thoughtful for us and our guest
• Aunty Grace for being th ever supportive wife and making the lemonade for all the guests
• sister who took all these pics
• Kelvin n Kelvin who took the more pro pics (have not gotten them yet)
• Michael, Stephen, Kelly, Clarissa for being our very faithful ushers and being good colleagues to Paul.
• JJ, who help us to emcee and so directive. It helps to get our guests organized
• Nick, who help with our music
• Huiling n Chailing, my supportive Uni friends, n over the years our friendship grew. Your creativity is imprinted into my guestbook.
• Chailing, who took up the challenge to do translating the next morning when I only called you 10pm the night beforem n u were sleeping already! Nxt time, I can do it for you girl!
• Jia, who ended up the coordinator, and even practice march in with me! n for gg out of your comfort zone tt day.
• Marge, who stood in for Serene tt day
• Serene, the time you spent with me discussing, thinking through the program for me, n watching over the details in the prep.
• Jac, Doreal, Raymond who made the place beautiful for us!
• Kingmun who came and rush to go to work later
• KY who rushed from training!
• SoonKiet who rushed from work too!
• Esp to WQ, Evelyn, Mavis, you came even though you dont know Paul.. =) But you still came to bless..
• Marlene, Cecilia, Freda, Susan.. You enriched Paul's lives when you worked together closely with him, and you became our friends.
• Woo Soon, who came though he did not know anyone else
• Father, Mother and Sis who came from M'sia and rushed back the same day.
• Paul, who chose the dress and accessories for me and make me pretty on tt day.
• Paul, without whom I cant marry!! haha!
• God, for being who He is...

How can I thank my friends and families enough?

It was beautiful, because of our God, friends and families..

Counting Down

Have written my vows, bought the things I needed, made the guest books, bought the pens, chosen the song and bought the CD, pack whatever I can at this point, plan the program flow, have in mind the flow of the event.. I think it should be more or less done..

Will pack in the cert once I get them.

Sometimes, some things can be very simple or very complicated. I realised that the little time I have, I am thinking about how to use them to enhance this and that a little more. just a little paranoid.. A reminder to be careful not to over-do some things.

SH must been very involved in this whole process. He takes pride to be a part of the process. Be it guest book, choosing the pen for guest to sign in, choosing the jewellery... , he delights to be part of everything. Its a blessing for me..

See you on Sat, Happy Deepavali..

Emo Rights

There is much to learn. Even loving needs to be learned.. Its nt just instinct or emotions.. I am way too emotional. Bt emotions are nt wrong!!!!!!!!!

Wat does God says about emotions? Before I swing to being an advocate of Emo Rights, let me hear what God says abt emotions.

Our society honors the rationale n logical. Therefore, another name for the depressed is Out Of Their Mind. Those are who rational and logical are the straight ones.

Who says so anyway?

The preparation..

Past 2 weeks.. Mad rush! From preparing the docs needed for HDB 1st appointment, to making the decision to solemnize our marriage first, to preparing for the solemnization, viewing of venue, filing marriage online, buying dress, shoes, creating invitation cards, to preparing for SH's birthday- making tang shui, creating card, buying gifts.. The list is endless.. We both feel tired n sick..

Bt I thank God for many friends who step in to help, gave sound advice, be my fashion consultation..

Ser, thank u for all the advice u hv given.. n the alternatives u presented.. help in making sound decisions.. The intense calls I gave to u during the 1st 2 days of my decision making.. U might be driven crazy by me if u were nt strong in ur mind! =)

Jia, thanks for offering ur service to me before I know how ur help may be needed =)

Huiling, thanks for last min random scrapebook shopping for my guestbook.

Chai, thanks for willing to be my hairstylist, n design the scrapebook though u sound tired from ur work n ministry.

Just wanna show some pictures I took during some of these process. More n more used to taking pictures n capturing the moments.. =) Nt tt I take nice pictures, bt some memories for me..

Calendar of 2010.. Nearly went cultic in order to prepare for wedding! Just took this to assure our parents tt 17th April is suitable for wedding! at least tt what this calendar says!

HDB 1st appointment, SH was busy gg thru the docs.. Anxious wait..

In the midst of all the busy-ness, must remember SH's birthday. If I only focus on the event bt forget the person, some thing must be wrong..

Finally, friends, I am getting solemnize on 17th Oct 2009.. 我们结婚吧! Enjoy the day!