Where is my promise land?

Back from retreat. Feel a little punctured for work, but thankfully I can work at my own pace and own timing.. I guess this is the priviledge for working at an organization where you are also serving in..

Looking back at all the pics with the teens, I wonder what I have achieved in my 1.5 years of work in TNT, and my many years of being a laborer b4 coming on full time. What have I done in their lives? Is it worth it? Is it significant in any way? The greatest tragedy would be to assume that I have done something significant in their life just bcos I am somehow involve with them in BS, and PT. I would really like to know how I have made a difference. And this is not up to me to evaluate. The staff may not be able to evaluate too cos they may not know everything. Perhaps its not even up to the girls to evaluate because somehow, we are not very sure of the ripples tt goes on in our lives. Only God can evaluate me and tell me how I have been doing. He alone knows the heart of man...

After helping batches after batches of girls, where is all this really leading to? What has all my efforts led to? If I cannot find my answer, I will be running around in circles, trapped in my own wilderness.

As I pray for my 2 friends in Japan and China, my spirit goes out to them in prayer. I long to be there w them somehow. I have not been on a mission for a year now, I miss it. Longing to be with another group of people, knowing God to be real in another place other than Sg, and experiencing the burden and love God has for EVERYONE in this world.

So where is all these leading me to? My responsibility and role in Sg, my longing for the harvest out there, my talent and gift in teaching, my training as a disciple-maker. Where is my promise land? My vision is not yet clarified, I cant see it still.

The Lord's timing is beautiful.. In His time, everything will be beautiful..