Mummy's Adventure

2011-12-27T04:19:00.000-08:00

Been quite awhile since I catch some breath on this space. This space that allows me to remember the things that are important to me, and to remember the growing years of Oswald.

Paul and I have been wow-ing at how fast time flies for us and Oswald is now 9months, coming to 10months old! Sometimes we wished he could grow a little faster so that we could understand him verbally, and so we do not need to carry him so much (we are developing some muscles from carrying him.)

Oswald learning to stand at 8th months old and sustained a few bumps on his head along the way.

He is finding his way around the house and making up his own obstacle cross to overcome =) (At 9th month old)

His Christmas gift on his very first Christmas day! He is managing with biting the ball and trying to stand on the hoop currently.. hahaha!

Thinking about my patients in the hospital.. Comparing to FSC and community services centre, the patients I see in hospital comes with more varied issues- Financial, emotional, linking elderly and physically challenged people to support services so that they may continue to stay in the community.

I remember Mdm L. She has 2 children- elder daughter i (40s) and younger son (30s). Her elder daughter is married to a abusive husband with 2 children of her own, busy trying to make ends meets on her own. Mdm L's younger son is mentally challenged. Due to Mdm L's frail health, her son had been sent to nursing home. Mdm L suffers from some psychiatric issue but refused to seek treatment. She thinks about dying all the time, but b4 that, she makes sure that she will bring her son along with her. To her, her son cannot live on without her. Although her son expressed wish to live on, he is dependent on Mdm L as his only source of care and love as well. Hence to say to that her son cannot live on without her is true to some extent.

Mdm L tried to kill her son by giving him overdose of his medication. She tried to feed herself overdose of medication as well. We cant verify if the claims are true, but we have to take them seriously. There is nothing she hoped for in life, but she clung on to so many things of the past. The things she held onto are displayed through the clutter of old items in her house. What is she living for? What is she holding on to? She knows she had a knot in her heart, waiting to be untied, but she doesnt know where the key is. I didnt dare to think that I can help her with it because I know her problem is deep seated..

What does Christmas meant for her? It meant absconding from hospital on Christmas eve so that she can go back and check on her house in case her old items get thrown away. It meant visiting her son on Christmas day. Her fears may be irrational. Her ways are seen as stubborn. But her resilience had sustained her till this day, without which she might have give up many years ago. She fought on...

Dear God, I pray for Mdm L that you have mercy on her and give her peace in her heart. You give her the strength to surrender her burdens to you. Dear God, you love her and I pray that she will know that you love her. Pray that she will enter in heaven into eternal rest because her life on earth had been very tough already. Pray against the devil's foothold in her life and ask that you bind the evil one. Your mighty work may be establish in her life despite the rubbles that is currently seen in her life. In Jesus' most victorious name we pray, Amen.

Oswald- Coming to 8months

2011-10-29T22:58:00.000-07:00

Oswald is going to be 8months old by Monday! Still feeling very much inexperience as a new parent. The trick that worked yesterday may not worked today and it seems I can hardly fully comprehend my child..

The latest happening that amuses me is his 'crawlathon'. I am not sure how other babies does it, but it seems he crawls really fast! He even had blisters at his foot due to the crawling. Few days ago, he learned how to get into sit up position from his leopard crawl.

Seems that when Sharon (Paul's niece) was a baby, she was apparently very happy with herself when she could perform this new skill. So we were expecting Oswald to clap/smile to himself.. But he did nothing, as if life as usual.. hmmm.. Anyway, we just clapped and cheered him on! But he was still not amused.. anyway...

Occasionally, Oswald will have some new pattern that brings us some clues about his personality. This was taken when he just finished his milk and was kind of just slacking.. I figured out, all guys need some space-out time. N he is especially nice tempered after his milk. So I guessed, hungry man = angry man!!!!! This is quite similar to Paul.. hmm

It was my birthday and I thank God for friends who celebrated with me and sweetened up my day. The day started in pretty sad way, but ended well.

Praise God for friends who understood, listened and gave support. Praise God for them who share the same faith, one God and remained faithful friends through the different seasons in life.

And so, till we meet again in Nov for Callin's birthday and more sharing.. Some how, I am looking forward to each of their weddings and more babies to come to join our SOW group.

Baby and Work

2011-10-15T02:22:00.002-07:00

It had not been easy to wake up 5am every morning and bring Oswald to my mum's place. It can get tiring by the middle of the week. But usually one night of sleeping at the early hour of 830pm would be sufficient to sustain till the end of the week.

Weekends could not get me much sleep as well because Oswald is used to waking up around 5plus am. So once he's up, we gotta be up too.

He fell really sick somewhere in the first week of October. It was a terrible week trying to comfort him, coaxing him to drink some milk and forcing him to take his medication. When oral medication could not work we needed to start him on the nebulizer. Thankfully, Paul managed to take time off to care for Oswald. It was a worrying week, literally feeling sick in the stomach. Thank God it was over, but one never know when virus may strike again.

Just find Oswald so cute!!!!!

At the newly renovated Bishan Park... One of our favorite hangouts during the weekends.

Tip of the ice-berg is how I describe my current work. There are just so many things to know and now only doing one small part of the job. Many seniors are already there for 5-6years, some even longer like 10 over years while the most senior already stayed for 30years. Wonder what kind of job could make me give 30years of my life to? Maybe motherhood it is.. But knowing that there are so much more to learn and to do helps me to be more positive about staying long term..

Nice colleagues make my work even more pleasant.. =)

Thankful

2011-08-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

Thank God for His grace that sustains my family even as I goes back to work. Oswald is adjusting well to the routine and my mum who is his main caregiver..

I get some time with Oswald in the morning and some time with him in the evening before he sleeps.

Weekends and public holidays are a bliss when we get to spend quality time with him.

Seeing his smiles and hearing his coos delight our hearts.

Btw, Oswald has 3 teeth now, and they are all at the lower gum =) quite a pain to see him struggling to make himself comfortable as his teeth sprout out.

As for weaning, he has tried baby cereal (week 1-2), sweet potato puree (week 3) and green peas puree + baby cereal (week 4). Planning to start on pumpkin this coming weekend.. But got to work this weekend and attends Val's wedding, can only start on Sunday I suppose.

(Oswald happy on his high chair)

(Oswald super happy on his high chair!)

(Feeding him is always a delight bcos he loves to smile when on his high chair)

Work is fine.. jus tt the culture is.. rather hierarchical and full of protocols. Guess, a big org needs protocols and system to be efficient. As all systems, it is imperfect. Complicated and at times illogical.. But well, learning to accept it with grace.

Being in NL has got me off guard for awhile.. am remembering to be on my guard, at least a little bit more.. Also a reminder that Js is not friend with everybody, so I need to be wise in my friendliness too.. I nv know when a serpent may creep up behind me..

I thank God for His provision.. When I see how I can enjoy my public holiday off while many others in the society are working (in order to entertain the rest who dont have to work), I appreciate my work better. Guess, its all about the attitude of thanksgiving..

Thank you my dear God for your sustaining grace..

Back to Work

2011-08-06T21:43:00.000-07:00

Starting work tml..

Its another milestone in my life.. As a working mum.. Thank God for His peace that guards my heart and protects me from anxiety.

Have been preparing Oswald for the day I return to work.. 1. Getting him familiar with my parents n Lucas. 2. Travelling with him on the bus to my parents' house. 3. Establishing his sleep and feed routine. 4. Telling him abt my going to work. 5. Helping Paul to be more confident in caring for him so that when I work, Paul can step up on his care for Oswald.

Seems Good! Almost set for tomorrow! =)

Was sharing with some friends that once you have a child, it seems that you are forever pregnant with the child. Even though the child is no longer within you, but your heart and mind are attached to the child permanently. So I know that when I am at work, my mind will somehow be elsewhere with Oswald.

Oswald is into his fifth month and reaching new milestones. Weaning! Exciting new journey!

For one, I am starting to wean him to a bit of rice cereal. I started off with letting him sit in his high chair with just water in the bowl. I also fed him water from the spoon so that he will be familiar with getting food from a spoon.

Reading is the way to learn! Read about 5books on weaning and finally bought one. It is good because it is more chinese style and includes more recipes such as porridge and mee sua. Was collecting recipes from the Net and realised that if I feed Oswald according to that method, he will grow up loving potatoes, pasta and cheese! Hmm, not that its not good, just that I would like him to develop liking for chinese food..

Hours of preparation and finally.. His first meal of semi-solid! I was persuaded that Oswald should be allowed to explore his food with his fingers to be more familiar with them.. So this is how it ended up! Food all over his mouth and his cheeks, as well as food on the highchair tray, bib, hankerchief.. It has not reached the floor but who knows when that will happen! =)

I am keeping a diary of his weaning schedule so that I know when to start him on the different food.. Although I am excited to be able to cook for baby, but I am just a little worried that I might be too tired to do so.. But yet, I guess with a new steamer cum blender coming on the way, this process will be made easier..Plus my interest in cooking should make it much easier =)

Brought Oswald for a picnic at the almost revamped Bishan Park.. V nice place with cool breeze in the evening. Though a short picnic cos the sky was getting dark so fast, but an enjoyable nonetheless.

Oswald really resembles me in this photo..

Snatching sandwich from Daddy

Oswald admiring the kites in the air..

Dear God, I pray that you bind us together with Your Love that we may demonstrate your Love to people around us.. In Jesus name, Amen

Love- No Matter What

2011-07-28T01:22:00.000-07:00

No Matter What

Small was feeling grim and grumpy.

"Good grief," said Large. "What is the matter?"

"I'm grim and grumpy," said little Small, "and I dont think you love me at all."

"Oh, Small," said Large, "grumpy or not, I'll always love you, no matter what."

"If I were a grumpy grizzly bear, would you still love me? Would you still care?"

"Of course," said Large. "Bear or not, I'd always love you, no matter what."

"But if I turned into a squishy bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?"

"Of course," said Large. "Bug or not, I'd always love you, no matter what."

"No matter what?" said Small with a smile. "What if I were a crocodile?"

"I'd still hold you close and snug and tight, and tuck you up in bed each night."

"But does love wear out? Does it break or bend? Can you fix it or patch it? Does it mend?"

"With time together, a smile and a kiss, love can be mended with things like this."

"But what about when you're far away? Does your love go too or does it stay?"

"Look up at the stars. They're far, far away. But their light reaches us at the end of each day. It's like this with love-we may be close, we may be far, but out love still surrounds us... wherever we are"

Debi Gliori

A lovely book to assure children of your love for them and to explain the profound meaning of love in a simple way...

My Dearie Oswald

2011-07-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

This is my dearie Oswald.. I cant have enough of kissing him day after day. N I think he enjoys me kissing him too! Though I kiss him so hard, and his chubby cheeks are all squashed by my kissing, but he nv protest! haha!! So he enjoys me kissing him... Today I noticed he smiles when I kissed him!

Recently, I experience a very new emotion. N I call it 'Bliss'. There's some element of thankfulness, contentment as well as joy. When Paul and I are playing or spending some quality time with Oswald as a family, there's Bliss. I shared with Paul and he said he experience the same emotion as well. But we both agree that there's no guarantee to the ever lasting presence of Bliss. As quietly as we experienced it, it may slip away silently too. Hence, we agree that we will spend at least our Sunday as family time, to catch up with each other after a week of busy work schedule.

Like I say there are some ingredients of Thankfulness in Bliss. It causes me to open my heart to thank God for His grace. Nothing I do deserves all that He has provided. A comfortable home to stay in, a loving husband to support me, a lovely son for me to love, a soon-to-start meaningful job to enrich my life and most of all, knowing the One who has given me life abundantly. Compared to my past, what I have now is more than I imagine or ask for. N I thank God for His grace.

See how Paul loves Oswald too! Though he makes fun of me kissing Oswald too much, he soon joins me in the new hobby!

Oswald on his playmat.. You see him pulling his rompers with one hand and grabbing the arch bridge with the other. He has mastered the skill of grabbing his dangling toys and often the arch will fall on him when he pulls too hard. He can also grab 2 different toys at the same time with both hands!!nThis strong boy is also inflicting some scratches on us as he is learning to grab things he comes into contact with..

Nevertheless we love him and patiently endure the pain he is causing.. ! haha..!

Dear God, thank you for your amazing grace that knows no bound..

Theories of Babies

2011-07-06T23:40:00.000-07:00

Are there theories on babies?? I use to think they are only old wives' tales abt how to handle babies, but some of it are verified in books that I read.

Some elderly told Paul that we should let baby cry at night and ignore his cry. We thought that was extremely cruel. Until we learn more about it. Yes, u need to learn more abt it. We realise that we can ignore baby's cry for attention at night if we can be sure that baby do not need any more night feeding. And the great benefit of is baby will learn to sleep through the night. And it will take only 2-3days for the baby to learn the new skill!! If we carry baby each time they cry for attention, baby will learn to be reliant on you to fall asleep. So to help Oswald learn, we got to toughen ourselves.

It was not easy listening to him cry n controlling our paternal instinct to carry him. Since I could not carry him, I had to cover my ears and pray. Paul's support was helpful that he controlled me from going to baby. After the first night of crying, we transferred Oswald to his own room. Paul and i decided that since i need to go back to work, Oswald need to learn to sleep on his own. So we put him in his own room. It was not easy for the first 2 nights because there was a bit of anxiety and attachment. But since it helped us to sleep so well, we are happy with the decision we made! moreover, his crying reduced over the nights and he eventually learn to sleep on his own!! =)

Went to library to borrow books on baby sleeping problems and solutions, trying to help Oswald to sleep better.. I pray that my mum can follow the sleeping schedule when I go back to work and she as to care for Oswald.. She tends to let Oswald sleep n wake on his own cue, bt tts not so good.. Babies need routine..

Paul always enjoy carrying Oswald after he came back home from work. He claims that baby loves him and like to stick to him, as seen in the picture below.. But i think the reality is that baby just cannot sit firmly and support his back yet.. Anyway, its always a joy to be with Paul and Oswald and play together.

Oswald reached another milestone when he could grab the toy with his fingers and rattle it for some time.. My baby is growing!!

Love u Oswald! Dear Lord, remind me that we are stewards of your precious son..

Motherhood changes everything..

2011-06-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me, 'Motherhood changes everything.'

Indeed, work has never been such a tough decision. Motherhood changes the way I think about work, my choices in work. Practicality seems to have superseded Passion. Convenience have superseded Calling. Or maybe my calling is now a mother. My passion is my child. In this regard, decisions need to be made around the new calling and passion.

The decision to work or not to work, or wat kind of work and how much to work.. they are all running through my head.

To be with Oswald is important.. To work is also important. But I worry I cant cope with both.

Long ago, I decided that I will cont to work full time even with a child. But considering that I need to travel so far to my mother's house, plus the lack of sleep at night makes me wonder if i can manage.

Things are very uncertain. I am still waiting and watching. Maybe Oswald will become very manageable. Perhaps like most baby, he will start to sleep through the night at 3month plus (1 more month to go). Then both Paul and myself will have enough rest for the next day of work. It sounds a little more hopeful now..

Been reading all the parenting books, and no one encourages mother to go back to work! ha! But I will.. Question is how long will I rest before I return? How far can my savings stretch me? Shd I change a new job to suit my new life phase and lifestyle?

Praying that God will lead and guide. N most importantly, clarify for me the priority and wise choices can be made..

Does my baby look like a girl? =)

Daddy Mummy Love Oswald

2011-05-22T23:43:00.000-07:00

The most common phrases uttered from my lips these days are: Sayang, Orh-orh, Baby, Mama, Papa, and Love Oswald..

The most popular songs in my house right now: Jesus Loves Me, His Love is, From the rising of the Sun, Wheels of the Bus..

In the morning I sing him: His Love is, From the rising of the sun. In the night, I sing him: Jesus loves me, Silent Night..

Think Oswald reached another milestone last night when he slept for 6hours straight without drinking milk. But poor me, I was woken up by his fussing (he fuss a bit when he is in light sleep) and I thought he wanted milk.. Prepared everything n he fell back to sleep.. N i could not sleep for the next hour.. Anyway, am glad that he is sleeping longer n longer in the night..

I hear stories of how parents 'train' their children nt to drink milk at night so they can have a longer sleep.. 1. ignore the baby's cries of hunger. 2. feed baby plain water. I thought the first method is really cruel when they ignore baby's hunger cries. Will the children grow to be insecure adults because their parents deny them their basic needs when they were babies?

As I faces the frustrations of parenthood, I'm constantly reminded that relationships need to be build up. By blood ties, we are a family. But if I do not take every opportunity to love him, we will cannot grow to be family because there is no relationship.

See how we love him =)

N how happy he is.. Its a joy to see him smile more and more each day.. =)

Happy Baby, Happy Mummy..

Parental Love

2011-05-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

I thank God Oswald is 6weeks old now. Still getting to know this new member in my family. Its a continuous process of surrendering my self-centeredness to God, asking for forgiveness so that I may always love him. Oswald's dependency on me reveals my self-centeredness. On bad days, I may need to carry him for up to 2 hours. Tt's when I actually got angry with him for being so selfish! Bt come to think abt it, he does not know ya. God has created little babies this way- that their world only has themselves. Their comfort and satisfaction is everything.

No wonder parents are said to be noble and self-sacrifical. (of course there are also parents who are not) Babies test your patience and test your limits. N the best part is you cant scold them bcos they wont understand!

Anyway, loving one's child does not come naturally. We all love cute little babies. But there are many moments when they are not cute at all.. This love needs to grow..

I observed how my mum care for Oswald and Lucas, I knew that she loves them. N I know that when I was a child, she loves me too (of course right now as well!) But I nv appreciate that until I saw how she loved Lucas and Oswald. Even my dad can recall with fond memories the little stories when I was a baby.. Even though I always find many misgivings about my parents, but 1 thing I need to learn from them- is to learn to love your child the way they are.

Oswald at his 'stare-blank' moments.. seems like a serious thinker..

At his active moments, he kicks his legs and waves his hands!

Lucas is a very kind big brother. He knows how to shout for help when Oswald regurgitate his milk, sing songs to Oswald, and help to pat him to sleep. Oh, he even holds the bottle for Oswald when he is drinking! =) Best thing- he is keeping aside toys for Oswald! Ha! Wat a scarifice! =)

He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry..

2011-04-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 30:19b- He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as He hears it, He answers you.

Yday, Sunday, was a horrible day with Oswald. He seems to be crying at the slightest sound, change in environment or touch. N when he cries, he is only comforted by hugs and carrying. It really stresses me. N when I am stress, Paul needs to handle both me and the baby.

As I was strolling him in the home, i picked up a verse and Isa 30:19b was the verse. It was God's promise to Oswald. N i recited the verse to him again n again and committed it to my memory.

I was alone with him this whole morning while Paul is away at work and mum in law had to be in the hospital for some stuff. I am so glad Oswald is less whiny today. N he seems to be more secure after the whole lot of assurances that we have been showering him.

Thank God for His grace. Indeed His grace is sufficient for us each day. If Oswald were to be so whiny today instead of yday, I would have stress to death.

This is my baby boy and I wish he would be so peaceful all the time. He turns purple when he screams!

Yday's episode makes me wonder if I can cope with being with baby alone. It also helps me to see my own boredom coop up at home with baby all day long. Guess, its the blues and the whole adjustment of lifestyle.

I am glad that my confinement is coming to an end. But then again, as long as Oswald is small, I will be confined to a certain extent.

Jokingly, I told Paul that he shd be on maternity leave and take care of baby cos I am so bored at home. While he on the other hand loves to stay home. Look at his sleepy face. He has to work and care for baby at night together with me. He has day and night shift. I feel so bad for him.. But I really cant cope caring for baby 24/7.. Thank God for Paul..

Thank you Lord for another day of Your grace. Pls continue to sustain me..

Post Natal..

2011-04-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

this is my Oswald boy.. can u believe it, i m typing this sentence n carrying him in my arms.. he started crying all of sudden! n when placed down prematurely, he wld start to cry..

It has been 17 days since Oswald came into this world.

Its tiring for me as I seek to recover my strength from the delivery.. Lots of blood loss allow me to experience for the first time the feeling of being faint.. I was just bleeding and bleeding on the hospital bed after the labor..

I had a 13 hour labor. I calculated it from the time i experienced my mild contraction to the time when Oswald was finally born. I remember my contraction became really unbearable from 7am in the morning and I was groaning in pain.. I guess I might have scare the other ladies in the room. They were either undergoing epidural or having c-section, so no groaning pain from them.

Anyway, I seem to lose track of time from 7am to 1pm. the next time I know is that the nurses came periodically to update me on the dilation. It went on pretty well, otherwise I would suffer longer time in pain. Finally, at 1pm, my gynae said that I am ready to go into the labor theatre. N it was an hour of bleeding, pushing on command, n breathing.. At 1.59pm, Oswald is born!

I remember in my grogginess that the gynae apologize to me because he didnt expect Oswald to be 4.18kg! He thought he might just be 3.5kg. Otherwise he would recommend for C-section. I am kinda of glad he didnt know so that I dont need to go thru c-section.

There was supposed to be a final contraction expel the placenta, but none came. Gynae decided that my placenta was too exhausted from the labor, therefore he had to vacuum my placenta.. It was then more pain while he massage my tummy to expel the placenta. As he stitch me up, i was glad i was too groggy to feel anything anymore.. but i am glad i could still carry baby and breastfeed him because he became hungry in his first hour of birth and was crying so bad.

I have completed a milestone in life. Nothing I have done in the past, or may do in the future could match up to the labor experience. (Maybe the sleepless nights, diaper change, examination of his poo-poos can match up to that)

It has been stressful. Though I have the help of my mum n sis-in-law, but I know I got to learn to cope with it on my own with Paul somehow. Their help is merely short term, so I need to learn the skill of coaxing baby to sleep, reading his signals.. N it does not help that he gets impatient quite easily and soft cries turns to loud screams rather quickly. N during the day he is rather active, which means I cant catch up on my sleep lost in the night..

Some progress have been made, such as, he seem to be able to differentiate between day n night and my night duty has been rather easy. He wakes for milk and goes back to sleep after diaper change. But my confidence level is still kinda low. What will happen when my mum n sis-in-law returns to M'sia.

Other than coping with him, I also have to learn to cope with my own changes. Change in body shape (eager to get back into shape), change in lifestyle (felt so coop up at home), change in the number of family members at home, learning to stay with mum n sis-in-law.. So many changes taking place at one go! I nearly went mad with the changes.. Thank God for his sustaining grace that brought me through the challenging first 10 days.

O God, pray for your all sustaining grace to help me cope with the Gift you have given me. Give me your patience that I may learn to take thing easy. Help Paul and myself to get to know Oswald more and more. Sometimes I forget he is only 17days old...

Challenging though it may be, Oswald is God's gift for me n Paul.. n His grace will abound..

Delivery Day= Birthday!!

2011-03-29T20:31:00.001-07:00

Oswald bday shall be 31 March 2011!!! =) Gynae planned to induce birth on 30 March, and by 31 March 2011, Oswald shall be born. On 30 March, I need to be admitted to the hospital for surgical induction. Suppose to sleep there but I wonder how I can fall asleep? In a few hours, labor pain should set in. Afterwhich, normal delivery should follow. Read online about induction methods and its kinda scary where things have to be inserted into your vaginal. I thought that sounds uncomfortable and therefore how am I suppose to sleep? But whatever it is, praying for a safe and smooth delivery for Oswald and myself. I am happy that Oswald will be born in 1 day's time. Now at the same time, I am beginning to feel a sense of loss if I were to lose my big tummy (despite all the inconveniences it has been giving me, there is a strange sort of attachment) I reminded myself that the big tummy is not the real thing, but Oswald the child is the REAL thing! So I do not need to be overly attached to my tummy and lose focus on my child. He is practically poking his limbs out from my tummy and I should rejoice that he is coming OUT into the world!! =) =) Oswald, all the way!! =) We love you..

Anniversary and wedding day

2011-03-16T23:09:00.000-07:00

13 March 2011, Paul and my 1st year anniversary of marriage.

Nothing spectacular and nothing pretty much that I can do with my physical condition, but we did some celebration.

What else can I do now but to enjoy my food =)

(Notice how low my tummy is? That week end, i enter into my 37th week of pregnancy and noticed that my tummy droop to a all time low! It was sliding downward a lot, and created a lot of pressure on the lower half of the tummy)

Anyway, talking about enjoying my food, I brought Paul to this place in Geylang for some HongKong dim sum for breakfast. His first time there, while I have nt been there for awhile. He love the food there especially the chicken feet. Didnt know he love chicken feet so its considered learning something new about him on our anniversary.. It was a simple fare, but bcos of the rustic feel of the shop, we felt very special!

=) See how Paul's chopstick went straight to the chicken feet! =)

N today is Jinsha's wedding.. Look forward to seeing him on his very special day with his bride =)

Week 37- Dying to be there

2011-03-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

When I was in my 34th week of pregnancy, I hope to deliver Oswald at week 37 but nope, it did not happen yet..

It so tiring to be carrying a "bowling ball" everywhere you go, bearing with the itch, discomfort in all your activities, and the suffering the pain when baby stretches himself.

I kinda think that the miracle of experiencing baby moving in you is a bit over romanticized. Many mothers was just ga-ga-ing over the fact that they can feel and see their baby moving inside of them, but no one told me about the pain I would experience. Sometimes, it hurts so bad i just want to smack my tummy and ask Oswald to stop. Well, well.. does not sound like his fault but...

Had some episode of near birth, but I was just have some signs of false labor but after waiting for awhile, i know times not up for Oswald yet. Last night, I was just experiencing pain and aches that I thought might be signs of labor. I asked God for wisdom to help me discern if it indeed is. It turn out otherwise..

If I were to go into labor the very next minute, I would be very excited!!!! No fear or whatsoever, just excitement and impatience!! ha! Dont care even if my mother in law is not here yet to care during the confinement period. I have some level of confidence that I can do it on my own! Why need to eat all those ginger, vinegar, heaty and oily food? I always think about our ang moh friends in other parts of the world who gave birth and just eat normal stuff.

In any case, i am praying everyday and telling Oswald everyday that I look forward to him seeing the world SOON!

Lucas- Going on 5years

2011-02-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

Finally got to transfer Lucas' picture into my Macbook..

Meeting Lucas and my parents each week has become my priority. Even in my heavy pregnancy, I want to make it a point to meet up with them.

Lucas is really animated.. Look at all his drama faces. =)

Him and his teddy bear drawing block.. N his botak head!

This pic when he was just about 3 years old.. His cheeky pattern starts since..

And as he enters into the year 2011, approaching 5 years old, his drama faces are... (make me speechless)

I could not interpret this picture until he told me he is imitating kolar bear! Hahaha!!!!

Looking at Lucas staying with my parents, I really appreciate how my parents have taught him to just appreciate the simple things in life. His pencil case is not overloaded with fanciful pens/pencils/ erasers like some kids. Well, yes he has a Transformer pencil case (his dad bought for him) but inside he only has a pen and a pencil. Another pencil given (or borrowed) by his teacher which he uses but never dare to sharpen it because it belongs to his teacher and not his! And his hairstyle.. its only short or long.. but the style remains the same forever!

As I think of Oswald, I pray that as he is cared for by my parents daily, he will also develop a lifestyle of simplicity.. N appreciate the simple things in life. I pray also that Lucas and Oswald will be like David and Jonathan in the bible- the best of friends and brothers.

Week 34- Almost there

2011-02-18T16:52:00.001-08:00

This week, Oswald is 34weeks old. He weighs about 2.6-3kg (a big baby) and estimated to be 50cm. He should be due in about 6weeks time. I hope he can come a little faster though (maybe in another 3 weeks?)

Watching some video on natural birth can be scary... The excruciating pain the women experience, some shouting and groaning.. I wonder how I would look like.

Within all my means, I hope that I can have a natural birth without having to have epidural. God has design us (or curse us?) to be able to suffer the pain of labor. Since God has designed me this way, then I should be able to do so without the pain relief medication.

Pray that God will give me all the self-control I need to apply the breathing techniques I have learned. Pray also for God to guide Oswald gently but swiftly down the birth canal. N for God to relieve my pain during birth. Pray for Paul to have wisdom to know what to do to handle the labor. Calm our anxiety and experience his peace all throughout labor and birth.

Its a new experience and not sure how I am going to handle it. But no point dwelling too much over it because since its unavoidable, so I think I will just have to go through it.

Oswald, together with God (protecting us), your dad and your mum, we can make it! Love to see you soon!

Hang in there..

2011-01-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

I feel irritable, and guilty at times.

When Oswald moves so much that it hurts, I feel angry. But at the same time guilty because its not his fault that he is moving so much. The emotions are too mixed and I cannot reconcile them. So on occasions, the pent up emotions just let go.

Cant wait for Oswald's birthday to arrive. In view of the 4months maternity leave, i need to hang some work in the air. Plans have to be put on hold. Waiting seems to be the purpose of this season. N I am impatient.

Cant sleep last night.. Reflected on my work.. Seem to be deviating from what I think SW is, aligning more and more to the church. For some time, I have reconciled my struggles in my work, because I put aside my old way of thinking abt SW. My approach to my clients and what I believe should be the helping goal now becomes so much more focus (even narrow) as I think of how I do my work. N i am limited in helping them bcos my core commitment is to safeguard the project integrity.. In my work, I hope that I do not repeat doing the same things for this coming year. But to seek improvements in the way I do things and to always clarify the purpose. Although disturbing, bt at least, I come to learn something..

Hang in there LJ, and God will come..

Oswald- Week 28

2011-01-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

At Week 28, Oswald's presence is undeniably strong. He moves rather frequently, sometimes causing my belly shifting to the right and left. I am so worried that he may burst his water bag that keeps him so comfortable. My body does not feel like my own, and its hard to accept that. It is shared with Oswald and how I wish sometimes he will be born soon so that this weird feeling will be gone.

But I feel guilty for wishing for that. I mean he needs his fair share of time in my body to be strong. Ohhhh, I pray for patience. Maybe disciplining a child starts from the womb. Sometimes Paul would ask him to be still and keep quiet so that he wont disturb me so much. Am I too much? Anyway, maybe discipline really does start from the womb. I pray that he will know that I love him despite the discomfort I am experiencing.

Anyway, I sense that he may be born earlier than expected. Better be ready soon after CNY. The way he is kicking, that way he is pushing on my pelvic and how the gynae says his head position is a little lower, all these gives me the hunch that he may be born earlier. Well, well, actually I cant wait for him to be delivered.. Jia you Oswald!

God, pray for your hand to continue to knit and form Oswald. Pray that he will be looking forward to seeing this lovely world you have created for him to have dominion over.

A Random Christmas Gift

2010-12-17T18:30:00.000-08:00

"You're one Beautiful Mother. May you have a Beautiful Son or Daughter...

Bet you gonna be a Great Mum for years and years.

Just so you know this is Just a random gift for this coming Christmas..."

Received this "random gift" from a stranger on the bus yesterday.

He boarded the bus, sat beside me, and started doodling on his notebook.

His arm keep knocking into mine in the process of doodling.. I was irritated with him.

When he sense that I was alighting the bus, he did not gave way for me to move from my seat right away..

I thought he was strange.

Suddenly, he handed me the note. I was taken by surprise and thank him for it.

N I realized it was a 'random gift' from a total stranger.

Still, it cheered me up. =)

Oswald at week 24

2010-12-13T00:22:00.000-08:00

At Week 24, Oswald is very active. Although he cant be felt by the outside world, not even his papa, but I can feel him frequently. Kicking when I am sitting, kicking when I am working, kicking when I am about to sleep. Thank God it does not interfere with my lifestyle much.

At week 24, Oswald is a little too big. Doc says he is about 2 weeks bigger than standard. Need to watch my carbs and sugar intake. I kinda have a craving for potatoes, but have to cut back on it.. Every meal is a headache bcos doc advise to eat more meat to reduce hunger pangs. But its just fish, chicken, pork and beef. What other choices do I have? Aiyaya, headache la..

I wish for rainy weather everyday. Even though its a bit more inconvenient, but its so much more comfortable for me. Sunny weather makes me want to hide, n it brings on headache. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be back to normal? Anyway, just some thoughts...

Just read about a friend's miscarriage. Just reminded know that its really not easy to bring forth a life. God is the Creator and Sustainer of life.

Btw, my child shall be called Oswald, named after our favorite author Oswald Chambers. Oswald also means power from God. His Chinese name is 书行. 书－follows the family name of his generation, also means book. 行－means journey. Combining the 2 words together, we hope our child will Journey with God all the days of his life according to God's word/book. 一生与主同行。

Parenting

2010-11-24T00:44:00.000-08:00

The home visit was anointed by God. He revealed relationship dynamics that shows me the cause and effect in the girl's life.

I think she struggles very hard to go to school, but is not able to break through. There is a stronghold in her life and in her previous generations. Unless the Lord shows mercy and delivers them, there is no breakthrough. And how can there be a breakthrough, unless someone prays for them. N how can someone prays for them, unless people sees and knows. (Maybe i can share about them and ask for prayers)

When a parent spares the rod, he spoils the child. When a parent uses the rod too harsh, it breaks the child. A rod in the hand of the parents is God given authority and responsibility. It needs to be used with LOVE and WISDOM.

Even when I see the impact on this girl's life, what can I do other than to pray. For unless the Lord builds the house, the worker labors in vain.

God, use me as an instrument to channel life in the lives of these young ones.

Work

2010-11-18T00:35:00.000-08:00

Much needs to be done.. but much are left undone..

Many ideas on what can be done.. but there are not many support..

Needs ranging from helping needy families, educating their children, befriending the emotionally disturbed, reaching out to youths who fight and slash.. Where can we start from?

We are only testing grounds, but the ground is hard. When God talks about toiling the ground and that labor will be hard, is He talking about the ground of the social needs?

Farmers over the years learnt how to watch the weather, understand the soil, and experiment with the nature of the plants they are planting.. Eventually, we have grains and vegetables in plently (mainly just for my country?) But they did it!

William Wilberforce took 17 years to abolish the slave trade.. With silly mistakes, good friends, some deaths, renewed passion from his confidante (aka wife), and sheer DETERMINATION, he did it. (Although slavery took on new forms in today's world) But he did it!

How are we going to do it? Abundant, desperate needs.. What is God calling me to do? Where is God leading us to?

Unless God builds the house, the builder builds in vain.. Be our Foundation and Anchor my dear Lord.

How' Baby this week?- Week 18

2010-10-29T20:53:00.001-07:00

I look like I got some extra flesh at my tummy, n just overweight.. hmmm.. not too flattery but still trying to look my best with some suitable clothes.

Pregnant is an expensive event. New clothes, shoes, underwears, nutritious food and more food n more picky about food, medical fees, supplements etc etc...

So baby this week is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper).

When i go for my ultrasound scan, Wow! He/she is so active! Kicking his/her legs so frequently (though I can feel none of it yet)

According to what I read, his/her blood vessels are visible through his/her thin skin, and his/her ears are now in their final position. The genitals are noticeable now, but it was not so clear during the scan. =)

We have the names ready and we are prepared for either gender =)

Paul is talking to Baby everyday, as for me starting to learn likewise. Sometimes I feel bad that I was busy the whole day and neglected Baby. So i learn to take little moments to be with Baby such as while I am in the bus/train, walking or showering.

Thank God that preparing for motherhood is a 10month process that we all get the time to adjust and adapt.

I am so thankful that God is perfect in His timing and wisdom to create everything perfect. Thank you dear God.

Delivery

2010-10-13T05:59:00.000-07:00

Got this feeling that I am going to have a smooth delivery...

N i am positive (at the moment) that I will be able to cope with the pain without the epidural. Since all women in the past and current have went through the process without painkillers, so I think I can as well. Need to up my threshold of pain!

Not stress about the delivery (at the moment), though the sight of bloody placenta during the afterbirth does put me off.. yucks (but its supposed to be nutritious).. Can i sell it for money?

Anyway, smooth delivery and pain enduring birth!!

Thank God for the peace you place in me =)

Week 15

2010-10-08T17:56:00.000-07:00

How's baby growing this week?

- Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple).

- She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop.

- Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs.

- Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam.

- There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. - Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl!

How am I this week?

- Developing a bit of sore throat, probably from the vomiting I had, and the spicy stuff I like to eat.

- Running nose from hormonal changes and increased blood flow to my mucous membranes

- Slight headache because of this 2 conditions

- Tummy getting bigger and I cant fit into all my skirts and pants expect 1-2 of them.

- Lesser vomit incidents but still feel nausea when I get too hungry or the bus jerks badly. (Motion sickness to the extreme)

- Less sleepy, and definitely more energy. BUT, when I have running nose, my body's natural reaction is to rest. Runny nose makes me sleepy. So, I am now less sleepy from pregnancy but more sleepy from runny nose..

Jia you Jia you to me!

The day God intervened...

2010-09-24T02:47:00.001-07:00

The question of ministry involvement have long been on my mind, but there has no easy answer to it.

Since my wedding, I have dropped in my commitment. Now after I discover my pregnancy, I totally MIA from ministry.

Although many times I wanted to make a decision to leave TNT and move on, I find that it is easier said than done.

I wanted to find a cell group, but there is no determination to do so. Thought I wanted to leave TNT and move on, but I cant bear to let go.

There is no doubt that I am still passionate about helping young people, that I can contribute in helping the young one, but I cant seem to find my fit. I cannot keep up with all the commitments and therefore how do I consider myself a laborer?

Was left feeling confused for a long time and cannot even think straight about the issue. Today the breakthrough came. I was just typing an email to a beloved mentor when God shed light into the whole matter. I was so sad by the challenges I faced I cried, but I was also so glad God spoke.

Now that the issue is clearer to me, I believe God will guide me in my decision-making.

Into Week 12..

2010-09-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

How's baby growing?

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes.

- Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close,

- his toes will curl,

- his eye muscles will clench,

- and his mouth will make sucking movements.

- if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it.

- His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now,

- and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

(If he/she excrete urine into his bladder, how does it get pass out from his/her body? Hmm, or does it get pass out through my body?)

- Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly,

- and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously.

- His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be.

- your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

How I feel right now?

Unquestionably feeling better as the nausea wave lessen in intensity. Still get breathlessness easily. A drop in stamina because I have not been able to jog for the longest time. Even though I am compensating it through walking, it seems that it does not improve stamina. A lower tolerance towards hot weather and gives me headache easily. Constantly hungry and so always eating.

But overall, I am getting better and more energetic. I can cope with sweeping and mopping half of the house at one go. Sleepiness is still part of the deal. I can sleep for the longest time, if not for the fact that I feel hungry, I would not have wake up. In sleepy moments at night, I feel the best because there is no nausea wave, no breathlessness, no hot weather.. Looking forward to the bed tonight..

When Children Are Torn Apart

2010-09-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to respond to children who have their parents going through divorce.

The mix of emotions they go through cannot be overstated. Guilt that it is their fault their parents are seperating, fear that their parents will stop loving them, anxious over who their future will be with, will they be seperated from their siblings etc etc..

How do I tell a kid about divorce? No answer is enough for them.. I cant tell them that its a normal thing and everyone's gg through it.. bcos it not a normal thing. Its in fact a lonely journey that they have to learn to go through.. LONELY bcos their emotions are so unique to them alone.. So unique their siblings may experience otherwise..

It hurts so much to see the children suffering alone.

When you bring it to the court to decide on care and control rights, it make lives uncertain. Why cant daddy and mummy come to decision? Why shd the judge decide who I shd be staying with? HELPLESSNESS..

O God, every young life that goes through such pain hurts you deeply. But God, you will strengthen them.. You give them the resilience to go through the pain.. N with the comfort you have given to them, then will in turn comfort others. Pray that every little one will experience your love..

Pregnant- Week 9

2010-08-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

Entering into Week 9, this is how he/she looks like.. =)

-Nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce.

- Starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months.

- Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers,

- and the valves start to form

- as do her tiny teeth.

- The embryonic "tail" is completely gone.

- Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear.

- The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. - Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks.

- She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct.

- The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones.

- Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

So how am I entering into Week 9 of pregnancy? Honestly, I am looking forward into advancing into pregnancy.

I feel horrible 50% of the time while pregnant. Nauseous, sore throat from being puke-ish, backache, tiredness, breathless, poor appetite are what makes me feel horrible.

I dont just have morning sickness, but i have sickness before and after my meal times- when i get hungry or when i am full, i feel sick.

Past week, while travelling to work, I feel nauseous for the most part of the time. Have to stop along the side of the road, wait for the nauseous wave to get over only for it to come back again and got to stop again. My colleague said I shd take cab to work, but if i were to do that, i will spend a bomb to take cabs during peak hours and i most likely have to do that few times a week or daily.

Everyday I hope for this 1st trimester to b over. To a better 2nd trimester! 2nd trimester are known to be the best time of pregnancy.

God, pls sustain me. You know how horrible it is when I have to travel so far to work and I have to travel so much for work.

Pregnant- Week 6

2010-08-13T16:39:00.001-07:00

7.39am on a Sat morning.

Have spent my time with God and ate some fruits.

Enjoying some refreshing piano music while collecting my experience for the past 4 days.

Today is the 5th day I learnt of my pregnancy.

Trying to write down my experience and make sense of them.

On days like this, when I have time to be quiet and ponder and pray about the pregnancy, to breathe slowly and to feel the life within me, it begin to make sense and real.

Most of the time when I am engaged at work or people, the pregnancy seems unreal. The time when I remember I am pregnant occurs during meal times when I find that my appetite is unlike the past. Cant swallow much and most food seems to have a bitter taste to me.

Changes occurring to me:

1. Always feeling bloated.

2. Cramps

3. Constipated (at times I am unsure if I am having cramps or just need the toilet)

4. Breast feeling swollen

5. Poor appetite

6. Bitter taste to most food

7. Need to eat more fruits bcos it is refreshing and it helps to alleviate the bitter taste in the tongue

8. Backache

9. Breathelessness

10. In wonder of God's creation of life

11. In amazement of God's gift of love

12. In appreciation of God's love through Paul

13. In gratitude toward God's continual protection.

14. In trying to settle in the motherhood mode!

Many more changes will continue to occur. So far so good! The coming 7.5months seems hopeful to me that my journey will be a interesting one.

O God, from the mouth of infants and child You ordain praise. I praise You this day, with the life You create within me giving You praise also.

Day 8-9- Doubtful Sound in Manapouri

2010-07-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

When you travel in NZ, there is always something worth stopping for.. Another mailbox along our journey from QT to Manapouri..

By the time we left QT and arrived at the town of Manapouri its almost 7pm. It was getting really dark and we were searching for our lodging.

Manapouri, as I can remember is a dark, cold place..

As we were reaching our accommodation for the night, we met 3 people who seem to be asking for help. We realized the couple was the owner of the campervan which had one wheel stuck in the soft mud. The 3rd guy was trying to be helpful, acting helpful but in fact not tt helpful. He does all the talking but dont see him doing much. Paul was the one running up and down the road trying to get the wheel unstucked. N when a girl drove past, he actually chit-chatted with the girl leaving all of us waiting and puzzled.

It got so dark in the end that we could no longer be helpful. We all decided to abandon the campervan, left it to the next day for professional help. We brought the couple up to the lodge where we all stayed for the night.

Anyway, the campervan owners are French and they had a few month old baby who was a bit sick that night. Because it was such a cold night, they decided to get a lodging instead of sleeping in their campervan.

All through the incident, I was helpless. The men did the problem solving, while I chit-chatted with the French lady.

Lodging at Manapouri is totally different from Wanaka. Its cold and dark. They give us wood to burn for warmth and one solar lamp which is not bright enough to light up the whole room.

Route to the toilet was even scarier. The 100m walk to the toilet is windy and super dark. No lamps to guide your path at all! Look at the cabin on the slope, that is ours. Its by God's grace we didnt fall while walking to the toilet. We requested for torchlight from the owner of the lodge but he says he has only one. So we thought it is only good that we give it to the French couple with their small baby.

Paul also had the experience to pick wood somewhere behind our lodge. It was dark, but we wanted more wood for fire. He claimed that he heard someone cutting wood from somewhere from behind our cabin. I had to follow him and provide some light from my hp. Honestly, I was quite frustrated bcos I find it dangerous! haha.. But we did find a whole storehouse of wood and we helped ourselves to it!! I guess no pain no gain ya..

I must mention the 2 horses.. One night I woke Paul up to accompany me to the 100m walk to toilet. We heard sound and Paul said he saw shadows of horses which I thought was ridiculous la! it was dark and I saw nothing anyway. BUT when the toilet auto light came on, 2 horses within 10m radius of me pop up and I was scared. But for the toilet, I must march on!! I tried to be calm and normal and pray the horses dont attack. I heard stories of animals attacking as a result of shock.. Thank God HE protected me again from shocked horses!!

Ok, the main purpose we travelled so much to the end of the earth is for the purpose of visiting the Doubtful Sound! Sound is like a bay, a harbor. Doubtful is its name bcos the captain of the first boat that discovered this place was doubtful whether it was appropriate to carry vessels.

Boarding the cruise..

Besides seeing the beautiful Doubtful Sound, the organizer of the cruise also wants us to taste the pure nature of their land. They drove the cruise near to a cliff, make us all wet and got us to collect pure ground water and drank them. It was yellowish in color (they said its normal) but it does not have a bad smell. According to the organizer, the water is being purified by going through the high mountain, the trees of the jungle and finally stream down to where we are. There are many such small streams as we cruise in Doubtful Sound.

See how calm and peaceful the waters are. The reflection of mountain on the water surface is rather sharp. No wonder they call it the end of the earth.. Undisturbed peace on earth. In this sound, there are penguins, seals, and we also saw dolphins.. We are not allowed to make noise when we approach these animals. We only stopped near enough and watch them from a distance. But playful dolphins swam to us and kinda did tricks to amuse us. So happy for these animals that they are in their natural homes and the people ard them are committed to preserving their peace.

The Manapouri Underground Power Station. From what I remember, it is enough to generate energy for the whole of Christ Church for certain period of time.. Cant remember liao...

After the trip, we went to a nearby town, Te Anua for dinner.

Having dinner at a french restuarant is one of my highlight. We had NZ lamb as what was claimed on the menu. Taste good. I love the soup. I cant really remember what soup it was but I know they dont cheat on the ingredients.

Tt night, after our cruise tour, we were so reluctant to return to that dark lodge cos we will be so bored, so we went a little further. It is just a slightly more happening town compared to Manapouri. Not many shops just some book stores, dvd rental stores but at least there are street lights.

When we go back to Manapouri, we just depend on our car headlights. By this time, Paul was more confident about driving in pitch dark night. Thank God, otherwise we may just be bored to death in our little lodge.

On the day we left, we met the French lady while she was on her way to wash up. In her limited English, she requested that we wait for a moment while she goes back to her room.

She returned with her a box of chocolates and told us it was her favorite. She would like us to have it as an expression of thanks for how Paul helped them. Although the campervan problem was not solved that night, they were touched by the way Paul tried to help. Her comments for Paul is that he is a good man. Haha.. I am proud of Paul as the guy who could be depended upon!!

In return, I gave her my Remarkables Sweet Shop chocolate and told her in as simple English as possible the significance of the chocolate. I was glad her baby recovered by that morning and as you can see he is sure to be a handsome boy. She is Pauline and her husband is Peter..

N btw, they got their campervan up to the lodge by that morning and we stood in front of it for photo-taking..

Paul said that he wanted to help because he understands what it feels to be in trouble in a foreign land. Ya I recalled how we felt when our car battery went flat at Arthurs' Pass. Thank God for another helpful tourist who has the jump-start kit in his car. Isnt all these people God sent?

This is the information booth of Freestone accomodation in Manapouri. If you see carefully, you will notice 2 horses. These 2 horses truly belong..

As we drove out to Christchurch as the final destination of our trip in NZ, we saw the most beautiful rainbow in our lives. God is beautiful and so is all His creation..

Manapouri is beautiful. That night, when I find myself warm enough to stand outside our cabin, to admire the beautiful night sky, I saw my first shooting star... It is beautiful.. N there are so many stars.. BEAUTIFUL.. (just a little too dark and too cold.. hee..)

Day 7- 8 (Arrowtown & Queenstown)

2010-07-16T06:07:00.001-07:00

Early in the morning, we left Wanaka, the place that I love and head to Arrowtown.

One last picture of the small cabin I enjoyed so much!!

Arrowtown was fun with shopping! I thought it would be a small place and boring! But bcos there is nothing really much, so shops were set up for tourists like me to satisfy our shopping my shopping crave!

I enjoyed this sweet shop! Colors brings excitement!! I only have a small shopping basket.. Didnt get alot of things.. Not an implusive buyer and not a candy person.. Those in the basket are mainly for people.. just to satisfy my shopping crave.. haha!

Ooh, but I love this chocolate display counter and the lady cutting the freshly made chocolate for customers! They generously allowed us to try and try and try until we know what we want to buy. Free samples! Of course in the end, we honored their service by buying 6 kinds of flavors back!

I thought the name was great! Remarkable Sweet Shop. Later when I look at the map I realise that there is a mountain range in that area known as The Remarkables! Tt's why la!

Other shopping in the area include NZ jade jewellery shops (there is a jade craving shop there, quite similar to those you will see if you visit China), papua shell jewellery shops, souvneirs shops, boutiques. We bought papua shell pendant for me and jade pendant for my mum.

An interesting fact about Arrowtown is that there were a handful of early Chinese immigrants who settled in that area. They came to that place to dig for gold and make a living. What is left now of that area are some explanatory boards, old houses and autumn trees which reminded me and Paul of the harsh life they went through.

The small little dark house they stayed. Only enough for a single man. As they cook inside, the interior is dark with soot. I understand that the house is made small so that they can keep out burglar and cold wind.

The houses is about 1.5m in height. And the surface area of a toilet? I guess so..

Walking along the path is almost a solemn experience. You dont feel right or respectful to make jokes as you walk along the path where these early Chinese immigrants have walked before.

Finishing Arrowtown, on our way to QT.

Along the road from Arrowtown to Queenstown, Paul could not resist taking a picture of all these mail box. It is rather fascinating as to what people can make to use as a mailbox. We see old dvd players, another looking like a radio, taps etc etc.

N Paul is not fascinated with mail boxes, he is also interested in lamppost, big trucks etc.. Sounds like some childhood toys ya..

Queenstown is a busy small city filled with cars, pedestrians and some buses. (You see none of these public buses in the little towns but some buses in the cities)

Upon reaching Queenstown, I was already hungry that we went hunting for food! A small shop that sells fish and chips. So we quickly settled ourselves in that shop for a short break.

It was quite rush as I remember we were due to leave QT by 4pm in order to reach our next destination by night fall.

B4 leaving QT, we had an agenda. N that is to take the skyline gondola to some high places and see the city view of QT.

See the view behind us? QT is a city surrounded with nature. I guess in NZ, you cant run away from mountains and lakes. I am not sure about the North Island though.

A pity the 'luge' is undergoing maintenance, otherwise I would have a chance to do that in NZ. I have not tried the luge in Sentosa but thought I might be quite scared of the speed and height! Hmm, maybe the one in NZ would be scarier for me cos of the greater height and the cold wind!!

After the gondola, we were ready to move off to our 2nd last destination in NZ- also known as the end of the earth for the New Zealanders because on the highway map, that was the last town and after that, there is no more highway.

Lucas Lion

2010-07-13T23:40:00.000-07:00

Lucas: 'Who created God? Who make God appear? How does God look like?'

My sis sms me the above

i replied: "God is the beginning and the end. No one created God, He is there from the beginning. God created everything just like the Magician Liu Qian." (Lucas know who is Liu Qian ok)

My sis replied: "So God need to eat or not? God can turn us into lion or not?"

I replied to my sis: PRAISE GOD for tuning Lucas' heart to Himself!!!

Lion has special significance for Lucas. When he was afraid to attend his first day of school, we told him to be strong. He say he cannot but God can help him to be strong! He will be a lion! Lion means courage for him!

God, you will not turn Lucas into lion, but you will give him the spirit of courage as a lion to live a life of faith for you!!! PRAISE GOD!!

Day 5- Wanaka

2010-06-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

Day 5- NZ

5th day- travelling to Wanaka. From Fox Glacier town to Wanaka takes us around about 4 hours. Not a long journey I remember.

On the way, there were many nice sceneries. Now that I am back in Sg, I miss those majestic and yet so serene lakes, mountains, and streams.

Found this lake by chance. We were ahead of schedule so we followed the sign and found this nice lake to our pleasant surprise. Not many people there, only a couple of tourist having their morning breakfast by the lake. =)

Wanaka is a medium size town. Bcos of the beautiful Lake Wanaka, property market there is pretty vibrant. Many more houses as compared to the other small town.

There is a post office there and Paul shops for a souvenir for his sister.

This is our self-contained little room. Clean, neat, with awesome view of Lake Wanaka!

We had a little grass patch right outside our container-room. Its almost private to us becos becos hardly anyone walks pass since our room is toward the end of the estate. I recommend this backpacker accommodation to anyone who goes to Wanaka. =)

At our Wanaka backpacker hostel, I had my first try of cooking in a community hostel. Was a bit intimidated by somewhere that is not my kitchen. N the voices around me are so foreign. Nonetheless, I had my first try of maggie mee! There was this girl who was very pro in cooking. She was fussing around many things and I was impressed by her! But I thought she took too long to cook bcos by the time we finished cooking, and eating, and washing, she is still there in the kitchen cooking! Aiyo..

2nd day dinner was slightly better than the first day. We cooked rice and satisfy our craving for our asian staple.

Although it was very cold the next morning, and the wind was blowing, we insisted on having our breakfast outside our room! The bench is just outside our room and it was facing Lake Wanaka. So blessed! Whatever we cooked turn cold very quickly so toward the end of the meal, we were just eating cold bread and sausages.

The place was also very pleasant and neat and we felt very safe to wash our clothes in the shared laundry area.

Library- Paul's favorite place. I am just posing for the photo.

I was actually slight afraid that the horse will attack me so I didnt dare to go near. The horse did scare me a little when it kept turning toward where I was. See it quite obediently posed for the picture right. I should have been more bold and patted it. No more chance.. sigh..

PUZZLING WORLD- A place of interesting situated in Lake Wanaka. The optical illusions in this place is fascinating. I heard that they have not change a thing in 6 years but tourists are still coming from all over the world to visit them. Brilliant!

The end of my Day5. Conclusion? Wanaka is lovely. So lovely, we extended one more night of stay there...The place where I want to retire...

NZ Day4

2010-06-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

NZ- Day 4

Franz Josepf Glacier

I think this is Day3 or 4. Cant really remember. But i know it was an awesome day!

We opted for the heli-hike, where we can take a helicopter up the glacier and another 3 hours hike on the glacier itself.

We wondered if we shd spent the money but decided that if we dont do it now, we will never get another chance again. And so heli we did!

It was bit scary at first cos its really loud, but after awhile, got use to the big headphone tt helps us to listen to the pilot's command.

The view on the high places are really nice. "God has all the snow in His storehouse."

When we reach the glacier, we have to be helped with our shoes first. The guide was helping me to put the spikes on my boots so I dont slipped on the ice and fall.

See how blue and white the glacier is..

We were encouraged to try the water that flows through the glacier. Other than icy cold, I think its just really clean without the pollution of the earth.

The boots is rather heavy and after 3 hours of walk on ice, I burn my butt with ice, became a little tanner with the high UV exposure, experienced another side of God's creation, fell in love with this part of NZ.

N of course to end the day with a big meal at Fox Glacier Inn resturant. =)

Cooking in office

2010-06-09T03:06:00.000-07:00

Cooking in the office for the past 3 days was fun. Corrie did brilliant in the little pantry we had! Healthy, no oil, low salt, more vege, less meat, brown rice.. sounds like cow? Not at all! We had salmon, bak kut, soup, vege, vege and lots of vege..

Though some unhappiness in the office, but focus on the little blessings makes life easier.

Empathy.

2010-06-03T03:06:00.000-07:00

To empathise means to leave the our own shoes for the moment and step into the world of another. It involves leaving my world, values, culture, thoughts and suspend our judgement for that moment of empathy. It definitely involves my feelings. (Modified from John Powell, not my wisdom)

But she told me I cannot feel what my clients feel. I am only to identify, and understand but not to feel along. How on earth am I suppose to do that? I am not convinced by what she say anyway, and much less to carry out what she say.

Its hard to communicate what to non-SW about SW. Our proj was a platform to demonstrate the love of God to the community and I find her becoming more and more financial base. She question my fundamental belief about how I see my r/s with my client, I didnt have the answer. Now I kn0w- Outreach to demonstrate God's love. If outreach, then I will be all things to all man as Paul say. But in what context to be what to man?

Fully Human, Fully Alive

2010-05-31T23:27:00.000-07:00

"Glory of God is a person fully Alive!"
Full Alive, Fully Human
John Powell

Analyzing means I got to stand outside and think about what people say, their underlying meaning and what make them say what they say.

Finding myself gradually unable to fully experience my own life. Everything operates on multiple levels- the action level, the mental level, the emotional level and recently I learnt to be aware of the spiritual level. Constant reflection and processing. I am glad I am not on twitter, otherwise I will be so busy twitting every other thoughts.

Blessed by John Powell's wisdom in that statement. For me, to be fully alive means to fully experience all that is available for my sensory to experience. Its not just about the mind or the mental processes. Its also about experiencing it emotionally, spiritually with my joy, my sadness.

Fully Human, Fully Alive!

NZ Day 1 & 2

2010-05-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

New Zealand is beautiful but I didnt know how to enjoy myself in the beginning.

I thought they should be friendlier, more courteous.. My own expectation was not helpful to the trip. But after awhile, things became better as we become more accustomed to the culture.

Day 1- From Christchurch to Akaroa- Ajustments

Many things to adjust on the first day.

1. Paul driving an auto-car, he only drove manual in the past.

2. Cold weather

3. Surprised by the expensive food when it claims to be affordable

4. Went to bistro at 530pm, was told to return at 6pm. Hmmm...

5. Waitress confused when we order hot water

Day 2- Akaroa to Hokitika

1. Enjoyed the beautiful scenery in Akaroa in the morning. Majestic sight of mountains and lake, aromatic scent of flowers in the garden and cheerful chirping of birds. Saw a ladybird on a leaf. Nature is so close to me.

2. Had our morning breakfast in the little garden of where we stayed (Halfmoon Cottage)

3. Along the way to Hokitika, the scenes are more or less like this. Sheeps, cows, deers or some horses. I like those with a whole field of sheeps. Reminded me that God is the one who owns them all.

5. Met roadblock along the way. Need to go by Telegraph Road and reach Aurthur's Pass to go to Hokitika. But road works! Stupid GPS only know Telegraph road. Thankful to a BP man, who taught us the way and recommended directory for us.

6. The fun about self-travel in NZ is there are always something worth stopping for. Farms, creeks, lakes, rainbows, signposts, rolling mountains, even postbox!

7. Finally arrived at Arthur's Pass- halfway from Akaroa to Hokitika. Lunch time!! Ice cream time!

Upon finishing, found out that car battery died cos headlights on. But we survive cos of a helpful traveller who fix the car! Thank God. I felt helpless when it came to the car. But I did what I know- pray!

8. We finally reached Hokitika by night fall. Dinner time! Went hunting around for places to eat. Found that French Cafe that Paul missed so much when he went to NZ yrs back. Must take pic of tt place.

Can you see the pattern of travelling. Travel, eat, toilet. Travel, eat, toilet. Then sleep at night. Tt's how it is until we reach Day 3! =)

Blog more next time. No time liao! got to go!

Self-trapped?

2010-05-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

What truly makes me happy? What brings joy?

Strucked by the different things we pursue to bring us satisfaction.

Some a little more different from mine (occassionally I find it hard to swallow) but reminded myself that its their life and I am no judge.

Strucked by the different paths we choose in life.

Some I cannot even fathom the purpose of it but reminded myself again that God created each one different and each had a different purpose in God.

Strucked by the attitude that was held on me.

Some which I am amused by. Some which offended me. But reminded myself that I am who I am, I please no man but God and Paul.

I am puzzled, by others and by myself. The difference I begin to sense more n more. Time to catch up LJ. Yet there is this unwillingness to move beyond. Trapped by my own puzzlement. Funny.

Interesting how gossips travels so fast in the social service sector but news travel so slowly among friends. 1 night of catching up means a lot of new revelation for me. ha! Puzzled once again. Maybe I dont facebook, twitter etc. But unwillingness remains. Trapped by my own unwillingness. Funny. Crazy.

May they know You

2010-04-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to not know how to express myself because its a little complicated. Sharing with others becomes a bit redundant because I wonder who would truly listen.

Listening is part of my job but yet I dont think anyone truly listens to me. Therefore communication becomes pointless because a mere exchange of words does not mean communication.

My audience becomes very limited, and eventually friends become very limited as well. Its a choice that I made. Conscious or unconscious decision?

The night I cried from shouldering too much emotional baggage from listening to too many stories, there was no one I could share with. I learnt that night to consistently surrender to God. Pray for spiritual coverage. Pray for emotional ties with clients to be cut.

Lonely journey? Nope. Theirs is a lonelier one. I have Christ but they have none.

Heal them. Manifest your Sovereignty in their lives.

Mac..& Photos

2010-04-18T01:58:00.001-07:00

Using my very first macbook to enter this blog... !!!! Woohoo!! Been wanting to update my blog for a long time but no opportunity to do so.

Macbook Pro! Cool! hehe.. very high resolution screen, perfect for movie watching.. so clear until I can all the imperfection on my face! Interesting function and I believe once I get use to it, I will realise its potential. Learning..

N yes I am connected to the internet again from my home. finally after a few months. Paul says I am married to my macbook now.. hmm, hardly impossible la.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite pictures from the wedding =) Just wanna share with you who is reading my blog =)

One of the most natural pic of Paul and myself.

Paul meeting his challenges and the challengers with grace and humor..

Ever cheeky Lucas.. Enjoying the day with me as well..

Beautiful smiles makes great photos..

His coming make my wedding very special.. I cried during his wedding because I was so happy for him. (I was shocked that I cried too) A good hug is a must with Michael Chiam!

Thank you Serene and Marge for your sacrificial help.. Dont have much photos with you two. Wish I have more with both of you..

How am I after wedding?

Being married and staying with another person, a lot of things cannot go my way. Endure seems to be the key word. However there are many fun and happy moments too because I think I enjoy Paul's sense of humor.

Marriage needs to be built on a strong foundation and we are still building it.

Time to get off my macbook and go cooking..

Wg

2010-03-18T23:19:00.000-07:00

SWkers increase in pay!! 14-16%!! Will New Life do that? Nt sure.. HR on leave, want to check with her when she come back.. Pray hard..

Recently, Wg really pains my heart. Abandoned by husband 4 years ago, that is how she sees it- abandonment. As we chatted causually, she tear many times. She make a disclaimer, "Not because of him", but because how hard her life is. (She works part time and earn abt $500 to support herself and 2 children. She is also dependant on formal social support like us to support her. But for how long can she survive this way?)

Her persective of how hard her life is trapped her in bitterness. Every few sentence would invoke her tears. Little mistake from her children invoke her anger.

She knows that she is depressed. She knows she scolds her children badly, and she describes herself as a mad woman. She knows but she cannot help herself.

Busyness is the only way to numb her pain. Rushing her children to school, rushing through meals, rushing to work, rushing at work, rushing home again to cook for her children. She is tired from busyness, but she cannot stop being busy. Its painful to be free.

She wears a cross around her neck, so we pray. Only God can help her.

Free her from the spirit of depression, anger and bitterness. Surround her with your love and help her to know that she is not alone.

Jesus loves me

2010-02-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

This is the story of Sn.

Sn is 11 years old, home schooled, lovely and cheerful because she knows Jesus loves her.

But Sn has the body of a 2year old. All day long, she sits on her bed, or if she goes out of the house, she needs to be pushed in a pram. She has a big big pram to herself, because all the extra space in the pram is needed for an oxygen tank and a generator to generate the oxygen for her to breathe.

If she needs to shower, she needs to remove her oxygen mask, and rely on a small tube which will deliver oxygen for her. If she needs to otake photo, she will remove her mask and stop breathing for a few seconds in order to look pretty without her mask on.

Unknown disorder trapped her inside a small body. Not exactly handicapped but unable to do many things normal 11 years old can do. Her mother can only teach her at home. She can write neatly, draw and color in rainbow colors, sing songs and memorise verses because her mother wants to keep her mind sharp.

At the age of 3, she nearly died, but her crisis led her mother and herself to know the Lord. Her father became more open. God's grace kept this family lovely and supportive of each other.

Want to cry many times when I see her. But how can i be sad when she is so positive. Her courage gave me courage. And gaver her mother and father courage. But I sense she may not outlive her parents. I guess this is also God's mercy. If she outlive them, who will care for her?

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so..

Ev

2010-01-16T04:46:00.000-08:00

This story is about Ev.

She has a son who has autism, 4 yrs old. She has another 2 year old daughter, whom I suspect to be hyper active. Her husband is not bringing home any income as he is investing his time in his 3-month study course which promise him a more stable income. For the sake of her family, Ev is coping alone.

In the night, when her head hits the pillow, her world is spinning and her body trembles from the stress accumulated throughout the day.

Autism alters the family in many ways...

1. Her social circle. Ev is rather isolated and dare not go out of the house because she is often misunderstood. Scolding from the neighbors and passer-bys are common as her son express himself by hitting other children. They do not understand that autism children look normal but their world is different.

2. Her living condition. Her house is empty except for the old dining table, old 2 seater sofa and a old TV set, messy bed and a simple children's bed where the 2 kids share. All other things post a danger to the children. It needs to be empty.

3. The family church going arrangement. Her husband goes to church first, then he comes home to manage the children, then she goes to church.

That is her only respite and on Tues night she attends a support group for mothers whose children have autism.

I visited her and help her manage her children. She take one and I take another.

Before I left, I wonder how she is going to cope with the rest of the day. I wonder what she do in a day. It can drive anyone crazy if not for the grace of God.

God is strengthening her daily. How deep is the mother's love for her children. And how much deeper the Father's love for us.. though we are so unlovely. In deep appreciation of His love for me.. So unworthy but forgiven.

J

2010-01-16T04:34:00.000-08:00

I wanna share about J today. She is 17 years old this yr.. Her mother is 56, and her father is 68. Her mother has schizoprenia and her father has dementia.

She stays in 3room flat. B4 the Residents' Committee knows about her family, her house was super cluttered with junks and very disorganized. The floor in the house is bare concrete. They all sleep on mattresses in the living hall, with a stench to it. There is no wardrobe or cabinet thaty can keep all her stuff. All of them filled with old things that is forgotten but left undisturbed. Her mum refuses to dispose of them.

But to my delight, she is alright. She studies in a neighborhood Sec Sch in the Express Stream. She scores well enuff to get into Poly. How did she manage all these years?

She shares... Her father prays with her nightly when she was a little girl. Until he has dementia. The elderly man attends a chinese church while she attends church occassionally. She hardly goes to church nowadays.

God's grace is with her. He protected her from the negative peer influence in the neighborhood when she wandered ard because her father is working and her mother is unable to care for her. He gave her grace to treat her mother's verbal abuse as a joke when she was only a little girl. When she is old enough to understand, God gave her the discernment to reject the verbal abuse as part of her schizoprenic symptons. She desires to know the word of God, but she hardly attends church now. Her cell members goes to expensive places to eat after church and she is unable to afford them, so she refrains from joining them.

When I see my clients, I see God's grace and mercy in each lives.. I am in a privileged position to be able to listen to their stories. Because as a result my life is enriched. People say my job is tough, but I dont think so. My job is there to listen and affirm. Many merely needs to have their stories heard.

Lesson of the day

2010-01-05T00:11:00.000-08:00

Oh God, I am so tired.. Many more phonecalls to make to follow-up with all the referral from schools...

Saw a family just now with 4 families staying in one household. The owner of the house is reduced to staying in one room. Her brother-in-law family has to sleep in the living room with walls made of cardboards. I think they have about 16 people staying together.. only 4 ppl working in the family and the highest income is only $2000. All the other 3 families are staying with her because they have no flat of their own, and currently waiting for their rental flat.

Actually I feel quite frustrated with her attitude. She is a real fine lady, just that she has this happy-go-luck attitude tt is not helping her and her children. Her 2 year old girl is really FAT but then she feeds her 2 tins of milk every month! I think tt's too much la.. Lucas dont drink so much milk when he was 2 years old..

Lesson of the day: Plan how many children I want to have.. If you cant afford to have so many children, get an extra job to feed them. Mother's love and attention is not everything.. They also need food and books.

2009 and 2010

2009-12-28T20:18:00.001-08:00

Have not been able to update my blog cos I have not have access to internet at home. There is a laptop, but we hardly use it.. Now in the office and its my knocking off time.

2009 is ending.. I welcome 2010. 2009 is happening.. 2010 is expected to be refreshing as I cont to learn and make adjustments.

Learning at home as a wife, in the workplace as a social worker, learning to ride all the different tensions and demands that screams for me, learn how to relate to the girls who are growing up and maturing in their own ways..

BS groups ends, the time spent together in BS are memories of the past, but the relationships do not end. N that is what we are gg to carry with us to heaven, relationship w God and others. This is how I encourage some of my girls when we have to end our BS groups..

The old has gone, the new has come. N we have hope because of the new work that God is gg to work in us..

Birthday...

2009-10-31T06:47:00.000-07:00

There was a very meaningful HongKong TV serial showing in Sg recently. Didn’t really watch it much except for the last episode. At the end of the show, he concluded that he is a millionaire because families and friends are his wealth.

I don’t think I am some one who treats friends and family very well. I admit I am self-centered and there is much room for improvement.

I am not saying this as fake humility or what, but as an honest evaluation of self, I confess to my own weakness.

Despite my shortcomings, God has blessed me with friends and family who loves me. (Much as at times I feel so frustrated by my family members, and I also hope I can not only know in my head that they love me, but also feel it in my heart.)

Anyway, I know that God expresses His love for me through the people around me and also through His being with me daily.

Here is how I celebrated my birthday!

FOOD!!! Kia Yuan would be tickled by this because he knows I love food and somehow this year, I ate so much during this birthday period.

Went to Marriot with Paul. Had a buffet that I would never get to eat except during birthday. And after trying this once, I will never come back here again, because what I wanted was the experience of the food there! Hehe…

Rather happy with the seafood! Though I wish they could cook the crayfish the zhi cha style rather than the ang moh style

.
The drunken prawns are good! The soup is tasty and with the prawns freshly cooked in the soup, it is juicy and leaves an herbal aroma =)

The next nice thingy was the steak. I am not a steak person, but I personally enjoy the sauce that goes along with the steak and the baked potato that is cutely prepared.

As for dessert, they have nice cheng tng and with so much dried longan that I believed they didn’t add any sugar to make it sweet. It makes it sweet without being sick.

Fayth and Jolynn remembered my birthday and they very generously gave me a treat, together with YJia at Chilli Padi Nonya Café. (Another buffet!)

These 2 girls LOOOOOVEEEEEES food. And I am not KIDDING!!!! They would travel to places to taste good food! Farrer Park Laska, TPY Ban Mee, Holland Village Provence Bakery… Amused by them =)

Anyway, the last time we came to Bugis, they saw this Nonya café, so there we went today!

Laska, MeeSiam, Gado-gado, Kueh Pati, all very nonya taste. Not bad.

Especially love the Kueh Pati, we can eat it over and over again. It has a crunch, but softened by the sauce. So it does not hurt your tongue. The turnip is tasty as well. I cant exactly describe the taste, but it left a pleasant taste for us to eat it over and over again.

But the chwee kueh there is not so nice. The kueh is nice, but the chilli and the cai po still lose to the one in Bedok. So people, still go for the Bedok chwee kueh. I will not recommend Nonya chwee kueh..

Thank you girls, thank you YJia, Thank you Paul for your kindness toward me =)

Lovely bcos of You (God, friends and families)

2009-10-23T04:47:00.000-07:00

This is THE event of my life.. (Ok, maybe one of the event, the other one would be the church blessing next yr) N I am thankful for many things. The one thought I have was the many friends who stood by me to make this happen. I just want to share some pictures =)

To you, Serene, Huimei, Chee Wei, Kris who cannot make it to be with me though you so much wanted to do so. Appreciate it.

To you Charlene, Ruth, Santi, Suyin, Nat, Lihui & Stella whom I could nt invite as there was not enough space to accomodate. Love you!

We had it Swissotel Merchant Court. Thanks to Jac's recommendation. The setting was beautiful, small event, and people were comfortable. Food was good as complimented by friends and families. N Paul said if his sister didnt even have a word of complain, that means it must be really good! hehe..

Our parents mingling before the event started. Paul's mother is very kind and she even put her hands around my mother. =) Looks like I am gg to have a very understanding MIL.

Paul and myself made it a point to talk to the guests before the event. N we were just relaxing ourselves and chatting with them! I feel that the only way I could thank my guests for coming is really to catch up with them etc. I mean they are there to be with us, not to watch us.

Preparing to march-in...

The vow-making process.. Why did I laugh so hard?? Cos Paul could not remember his vows and his attempt to recall was so funny. But it made everyone laugh, including me.. Aiyo, I seriously tried my best to control my laughter liao.

Signing on marriage cert..

Prayer..

N chocolate fondue!! hehe.. But then ah, I get to eat none of it! I was trying to talk to everyone tt I could not really focus on eating.. I really want to go back there for the food!

There was a pendant, given by KY n Marge, my 2 beloved leaders.. He spent the effort to think about what I will like, and went to look around for the gift. It feels like a downry from the parents! haha! Anyway, I love it.. Not the gift but the persons and the thoughts behind them.

Thankful for...

good weather. God made it!
Freda, who helped with my hair and give feedback on my make-up (DIY job)
Ps John who go the extra mile for us and being thoughtful for us and our guest
Aunty Grace for being th ever supportive wife and making the lemonade for all the guests
sister who took all these pics
Kelvin n Kelvin who took the more pro pics (have not gotten them yet)
Michael, Stephen, Kelly, Clarissa for being our very faithful ushers and being good colleagues to Paul.
JJ, who help us to emcee and so directive. It helps to get our guests organized
Nick, who help with our music
Huiling n Chailing, my supportive Uni friends, n over the years our friendship grew. Your creativity is imprinted into my guestbook.
Chailing, who took up the challenge to do translating the next morning when I only called you 10pm the night beforem n u were sleeping already! Nxt time, I can do it for you girl!
Jia, who ended up the coordinator, and even practice march in with me! n for gg out of your comfort zone tt day.
Marge, who stood in for Serene tt day
Serene, the time you spent with me discussing, thinking through the program for me, n watching over the details in the prep.
Jac, Doreal, Raymond who made the place beautiful for us!
Kingmun who came and rush to go to work later
KY who rushed from training!
SoonKiet who rushed from work too!
Esp to WQ, Evelyn, Mavis, you came even though you dont know Paul.. =) But you still came to bless..
Marlene, Cecilia, Freda, Susan.. You enriched Paul's lives when you worked together closely with him, and you became our friends.
Woo Soon, who came though he did not know anyone else
Father, Mother and Sis who came from M'sia and rushed back the same day.
Paul, who chose the dress and accessories for me and make me pretty on tt day.
Paul, without whom I cant marry!! haha!
God, for being who He is...

How can I thank my friends and families enough?

It was beautiful, because of our God, friends and families..

Counting Down

2009-10-12T22:11:00.000-07:00

Have written my vows, bought the things I needed, made the guest books, bought the pens, chosen the song and bought the CD, pack whatever I can at this point, plan the program flow, have in mind the flow of the event.. I think it should be more or less done..

Will pack in the cert once I get them.

Sometimes, some things can be very simple or very complicated. I realised that the little time I have, I am thinking about how to use them to enhance this and that a little more. just a little paranoid.. A reminder to be careful not to over-do some things.

SH must been very involved in this whole process. He takes pride to be a part of the process. Be it guest book, choosing the pen for guest to sign in, choosing the jewellery... , he delights to be part of everything. Its a blessing for me..

See you on Sat, Happy Deepavali..

Emo Rights

2009-10-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

There is much to learn. Even loving needs to be learned.. Its nt just instinct or emotions.. I am way too emotional. Bt emotions are nt wrong!!!!!!!!!

Wat does God says about emotions? Before I swing to being an advocate of Emo Rights, let me hear what God says abt emotions.

Our society honors the rationale n logical. Therefore, another name for the depressed is Out Of Their Mind. Those are who rational and logical are the straight ones.

Who says so anyway?

The preparation..

2009-09-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

Past 2 weeks.. Mad rush! From preparing the docs needed for HDB 1st appointment, to making the decision to solemnize our marriage first, to preparing for the solemnization, viewing of venue, filing marriage online, buying dress, shoes, creating invitation cards, to preparing for SH's birthday- making tang shui, creating card, buying gifts.. The list is endless.. We both feel tired n sick..

Bt I thank God for many friends who step in to help, gave sound advice, be my fashion consultation..

Ser, thank u for all the advice u hv given.. n the alternatives u presented.. help in making sound decisions.. The intense calls I gave to u during the 1st 2 days of my decision making.. U might be driven crazy by me if u were nt strong in ur mind! =)

Jia, thanks for offering ur service to me before I know how ur help may be needed =)

Huiling, thanks for last min random scrapebook shopping for my guestbook.

Chai, thanks for willing to be my hairstylist, n design the scrapebook though u sound tired from ur work n ministry.

Just wanna show some pictures I took during some of these process. More n more used to taking pictures n capturing the moments.. =) Nt tt I take nice pictures, bt some memories for me..

Calendar of 2010.. Nearly went cultic in order to prepare for wedding! Just took this to assure our parents tt 17th April is suitable for wedding! at least tt what this calendar says!

HDB 1st appointment, SH was busy gg thru the docs.. Anxious wait..

In the midst of all the busy-ness, must remember SH's birthday. If I only focus on the event bt forget the person, some thing must be wrong..

Finally, friends, I am getting solemnize on 17th Oct 2009.. 我们结婚吧! Enjoy the day!

10-04-10

2009-09-19T02:19:00.000-07:00

Pastor just called me yday and told me tt due to the Month of the Lent (the period of 40days before Easter), the church is not renting out the place.

It freaks me out for awhile while I was talking to Serene, trying to get Paul, call York Hotel, inform Jac while at the same time deciding to change date or change venue. Disturbed, frustrated etc.. I realised that I get throw off balance rather easily when it comes to this.

Recently been repeating the lesson on PATIENCE. Something which is rather lacking in my daily life.. Impatient while waiting for bus (n it affects my mood), impatient w getting the date set for wedding, impatient with the pace of work in my new place. PATIENCE is a BIG theme..

Surely, I would love to learn this lesson well, together with Perservance and Submission to authority n God's timing. Pray for me, Thank you.

As for wedding date, it shall prayerfully be 10-04-10. The date is not bad la.. Prob a blessing in disguise. Waiting for God's best timing...

Pulut Pisang

2009-09-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

This is to post some pictures about what I did about a week ago before I started work. I just wanted to finish posting what I did in the 2 days.. =) Well, on the 2nd day of rest, I made some kueh kueh for Paul to delight him!

Thanks to one of my ex-colleague, I had this receipe book as a farewell gift =) I really really wanted to cook before I start work again, so I flipped this receipe book over n over again to find something which I could managed.

Eventually found something simple enuff for a beginner like me! Pulut Pisang. The end product should look something like the picture below..

The ingredients & steps are simple enuff:

1. Glutinous rice (soak for an hour)

2. Banana (Cut into slices)

3. Pandan leaves (2 stalks)

4. Coconut milk(add sugar & salt), and .

5. Banana leaves to wrap up the kueh

It is simple enuff. Steam the soaked rice for 20mins together with pandan leaves. Then add in coconut milk and steam for another 10mins.

When its ready, add a slice of banana on a ball of rice. Wrap with banana leaves and its ready to serve =) This is my end product.

Lucas & my mum likes it cos its sweet. Paul thinks its good too =) For a first attempt, good enough. Wonder when is the next time I shall cook again.. Hmmm...

Sense of Justice

2009-09-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

What would u do if u meet the following scenario?

You were gg to mama shop while on the way u met your good friend in school. With him are 2 other strangers and they are throwing things at him!!!

So what would u do?

Guess what Lucas did?

He went to the threesome, and started his kiddish talk... "Blah.. blah.. blah.. NO. Blah.. blah.. blah.. FRIEND." Well, my sis could only make up these 2 words.

What was he thinking about? In his young mind, he formulated the social concept of what we called bullying. When he saw the 2 children (who happen to be Indian children) throwing things at his friend, Yong Jie, he got angry. So he stood up against the bullies!

From those 2 know-able words, I have 2 deductions of what he is trying to say:

1. "Hey what are you all doing. NO, you cannot do this. He is my FRIEND."

2. "Hey do not throw things at him. NO, you cannot do this. We must all be FRIEND".

Child of 3 years old but in his mind, he already have social concept of friendship, bullying and justice. Talking about sense of justice, children merely do what they think is right.

Much to learn from him =)

N I must say, I think he specialises in Funny Faces. See all that he has done.

Fulfilling Break!

2009-09-08T07:26:00.000-07:00

What do I do in the 2.5 days of break that I have.. One day have passed since and what have I done?

Look at all the pictures here!

Firstly I went with Paul to Sentosa.. N the most he wanted to do is just to sleep! But I kept disturbing him and say we must take pictures cos I bought the Samsung phone for this purpose lo.. The phone must live up to its purpose! haha... "Purpose-driven phone"

I also went for a jog this morning... Good jog!

Then I went with mum to market to buy ingredients to make "tang shui". This is the white jelly fungus just before I cook it.. I love the feel of it seriously.. It is therapuetical to just touch it and roll it round your fingers and rub it in your palm.. Do you still dare to eat it? =)

The final product looks quite promising though.. I may not be able to cook very well, but I sure am generous in my ingredients!

Then I also went out with Jia, Fayth & Jolynn for The Proposal.. Well, simple plot, not tt romantic, but super funny! Tt's worth $6.50 n tt's all its gonna worth. Jia and I had 云南过桥米线 & 荷叶饭@ Bugis before the show.. reminds me so much of Yunnan...

Before the movie, we had some time so we went to the bookshop. Over there, I discovered Jolynn and I had the same interest in FOOD! She can cook man, and she cooks for her family one lo.. She's a capable girl! N we just stood at the recipes book area and kept flipping n flipping n exchanging ideas..

While Fayth n Jia kept talking about novels and movies.. Haha.. That was interesting.. =) I am gg to try out the following recepies.. Think I shld have the time for it tml la..

Oh yes, I also finished a book last night.. A Grief Observed by C.S Lewis.. late night seems suitable to read a book on grief. Ok, jia you for the rest of my break before I start my engine again on 10th Sept 2009!

I feel so happy. Never felt so happy for the past one year already.. Work seems to have really taken a toil on my joy.. Its not gg to happen to me again.

Lord, make your joy my strength..

Cafe Patio, among nature...

2009-09-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

Scallops! Home-made wild mushrooms soup (with loads of mushrooms) and self-made sauce for the garlic bread! Wonderful and great tasting!

Nice pool for doggies to go swimming. Good life! (& then the owner become the servants of the dog...hmmm)

What has these 2 got to do with each other? =)

The answer lies below..

Cafe Patio, by 2 church members of COR. The cafe is situated near Yew Tee MRT and they serve really goooooooood food (with reasonable price), just a little too far for me. If not for Ps John who brought all of us there after PMC, we may not be there at all.. But since we have been there, its worth gg there for a try again =) Esp if u love dogs, its a nice place to be at. They have a very rustic and relaxing ambience to the place to top it of. That's why they claim to be among nature =)

Last Day

2009-09-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

Last day at Care Corner marks a new beginning at New Life. Ps John gave me a shocker when he said that my new manager is demanding.. hmmm.. Got worried..

Then again, demanding means I will grow. But growing means pain.. Its gonna be a time of learning to work with a new team, under a new manager and in a new culture. Need lotsa wisdom. Pray for me please!

Actually, I wonder if I will be able to meet her demands? I think there are some chances I can meet her demands. I know that there are many things I still need to learn and I pray that she will be nurturing and willing to guide me along.

Demands that comes with guidance and instructions are not scary at all. Ok, so I shall not think about a monster before I even start work! haha!

So what am I gonna do before I start work on Tuesday? Plans are to 1. catch up with Fayth, Jolynn together with Jia, 2. Make kueh kueh for Paul, 3.Go jogging, 4. Go swimming, 5. Work on Camp program, 6. Do BS, 7. Read A Grief Observed.

Anyway, about my wedding preps, need prayer as well. Ps John just told us that we might not be able to use CORessurection for our wedding. So with that a bit stuck, we have to hold the booking for the hotel. Therefore the night before, I have to come up with Plan B. Started sourcing for a place for wedding, Hort Park, Botanical garden, Armenian church and even Pasir Ris Park became our options.

Actually, I find that I am a little gan jiong la.. Ps John is gg to find out about Church of Acension and get back to us by the end of the week. So have to pray that NO ONE will be using the venue for wedding on 13 March 2010 so we can book! If so, I can happily scrape my Plan B and go back to Plan A! haha! Actually Chruch of Acension is much nicer than COResurrection. If we can use Acension, I would think its gg to be God's double blessings for us. It has a rustic look to it =)

Ok, pray and see how things go.. So how, at the end of the day, getting married is the only important thing. Everything else can let go..

朱丽倩,刘德华

2009-09-06T18:37:00.000-07:00

只有朱丽倩配得起刘德华.默默支持24年,不是你我做得到的.总算公开承认,终于得到肯定..开心!!!!

其实不必要道歉什么.你的人生是自己的...可是刘德华对支持他的人有种责任感,所以他向他们有所交代. 也算是他做艺人的一种职业道德...

我永远支持的艺人!!!! =)

Design setting

2009-08-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

Went to Ted Collection last night to confirm my design with the designer. They specialise in cheongsam, so I am there for a cheongsam =) I always wanted a white cheongsam for my gown. I wont have a princess-like or fairy-like gown. Its just unlike me. Mine will be quiet, simple, smooth, soft and elegant. I think its more like me. It seems like the designers know what suits me too.

Out of the 3 dresses, there will be no "tube" style. I think its rather unique considering that most dresses are in tube style. I thought that I will at least wear tube once in my life, but yet No, its not happening!

But one thing, I need to lose weight. Hmmmm.. Thank God for SH who reminded me of Psalm 139 that I am fearfully n wonderfully made. Actually, I am not so affected by it la. I always wanted to lost weight so now there is a very strong motivation lo! Good man! Finally found the motivation and the people to remind me to lose weight.

K.T Trip Part 2

2009-08-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

Hehe… here is an update on what happened during the K.T trip =)

See here is the picture of the small FireFly that SH tries so hard to take. Finally took it when we landed in K.T.
I guess people there more relaxed la. Not like here, many rules…
After landing, he brought me to the streets for a quick walk and tour. I was so intrigued by the parking meter because you don’t see it in Singapore anymore =) Their parking is so cheap. I think RM$0.50 can park for an hour already. I have the fun of putting in 50cents when we went to the market area. Hehe…

Here is a picture of his lovely niece, Sharon. She is talkative and CUTE! I guess children being children, they love the attention. I hope she will be my flower girl but SH say she may have stage fright. Hmm…

Oh, yes yes about the food in K.T. It’s a Muslim state so I tried a lot of Malay food here. Malay rojak, malay laksa and malay prata. They have different versions as what we have in Sg. Sadly I didn’t take picture of them la. But I do have this picture of an egg which his mother boiled for us to eat. The egg is rather strange. The egg white is still watery but the egg yolk is HARD! See picture below for proof. Usually we have egg yoke that is harder to cook than the egg white, but this time round, the inner egg yolk gets cook first. Maybe Malay chicken??

Some things we do?

We went to the beach and jog…

We went to fly kite at the beach. There is a cosy A & W by the beach =) The beach is not developed by the gov to become a tourist spot so its still natural and not crowded. This is the beauty there, still a lot of nature.

We went fishing as well, my first fishing trip. It was under a overhead bridge and we just fish at the shallow waters.. haha.. He catches a small fish and that is the only fish for the day.. I caught none.. =(

We also went to climb a small hill and it is really steep.. Its only about half an hour up but we really perspire man!! But the joy of reaching the top is unmatched! Hehe

Well, it’s a nice and relaxing trip where we just rest and he spends time with his family and I make some cards for the children as farewell gifts for them.. look forward to gg back again =)

In God's time

2009-08-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

Missed the long chats with Kris. Been a few months since we chatted..

She helped me to normalize a lot of things. My double-mindedness at this point is normal, its the heart and the head tearing me apart. My mind was made up to move on to another centre, but my heart is sad to move on as there are things which I love here. At times, when i encounter anything good at QT, my heart feels sad to leave and wonder if I shd really leave? However I am glad to be struggling thru these, because its a necessary process if I want to let go. I am gg thru a grieving process.

She reminded me to pray. Pray that I may learn to let go of things that are not healthy and to hold on to things that is part of me and is helpful to the new workplace. Sometimes this means that I need to clarify what is those that is ME and is of God that I should hold on to. And what is it that is of the work culture that is not me, and I should leave it at the old place.

Along the way, there must been hurts and bruises. But the forgiveness process needs to come in and to allow myself to come to a closure so that I do not bring on old wounds to a new place. New wine need new wineskin to contain. A new place need a healthy heart to embrace and appreciate.

There is a need to be patient. Patient with myself and to trust God to form me into His image. Sometimes I think I help God a little too much..

In your time...

Learning to relax...

Oh another thing to learn to relax is the fact that I am preparing for my wedding and marriage. Many things to prepare for and there is alot of anxiety that I cant get the things I want.

I want to witness and testify to God's perfect timing.. =)

My trip to K.T- SH's family..

2009-08-12T02:54:00.000-07:00

I had a restful 6 days in Kuala Terengganu. The first lesson which started this trip was that Terenggany is spelled as TErengganu and not as Trengganu which Changi Airport spelled wrongly. I heard it has been changed recently..

SH wanted a picture of the small Firefly but was stopped by the staff at Changi. However we managed to get one when we landed at Terengganu.

It was a good trip in several sense..

6days with his parents was a good time for me to be deeply touched by their hospitality and their care for one another. When one member in the family has a problem to be solved, they would all chip in to help. 2 people particularly stuck me this time round, his mother and 2nd sister. His mother works literally non-stop for the family starting from morning to evening. She prepares breakfast, lunch and dinner. She washes and iron the clothes (she irons everything even t-shirt and handkerchives.) She even irons my clothes though I insisted not to. When it rained, she remembers that my clothes are hanging on the balcony and asked SH's 2nd sis to help me take it down. Whoever meets her will just feels that she is considering for you and have you on her heart. When she got to know that my mother went for an operation to remove her gallstones, she bought chinese herbs and taught me to cook for my mother.

As for his 2nd sis, she works in a bank. And though she is busy with work, she would take time off to bring their parents to KL 4times a year for medical check-up. Through they have 2 other brothers staying there with their parents, she took on most of the elder-care. She knows that I loves mangosteens, so she ordered from a colleague who can get fresh mangosteens. I have my daily fix of mangosteens there. =) On our trip back, I realised that I forgot my slingbag which contains my passport. She drove me back immediately to their home to collect it. Thank God we made it in time! When we returned, people were already uploading onto the bus.

As for other pictures, I will upload it once I figure out how to do it. It seems that my ipload images icon disappear. N when I upload it, I will share more on what I did there! =)

God and His wonderful timing

2009-08-05T17:58:00.000-07:00

Very thankful to God who arrange different people in our lives to uplift us when we were down.

Ps John is one of them.

The night before I was too troubled to sleep. Troubled over some matters that SH is troubled over. I share his sentiments and became troubled. As I share with some, I was angry over the matter he was angry about. (Its scary how one's emotions can affect the others, and how his issues became mine.)

Anyway, then Ps John called and I was so glad to be able to share with him and we met up the very next day. Very thankful that these 2 men could relate well with one another and SH could change his perspective about Ps. =) His concerns were addressed and there were encouragements.

Relationship is not just about 2 people but we need mentors and friends to come into our lives to enrich us further. N i am thankful for Ps and Aunty Grace. =) Will be starting our marriage prep next Sunday.. Cooool.....

The ending...

2009-07-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

As I consider the different factors in my moving on, I am also wondering what are some of the factors that I might consider more carefully before making the final move. Maybe I could have discussed with more people and gather more perspective? Or maybe I could have endure a bit more and things may change?

SH kept asking if I regret my decision. I know that there is no return, so why regret? There are some things I know may take a long long time to change. In fact God told me to move on. I should invest my youth and time into somewhere where there will be more returns. Yes I missed my increment and bonus, and its slightly saddening. But then again, how can I compare apple with orange? It means I do not equate my work with monetary value and therefore, I have no problem about leaving at the point of increment and bonus. Idealism again?

I will never know the "what ifs" after I leave. Therefore I will not go and think about it. God has it in His hands.

Its sad to bid farewell to my work. To be handing things over that I treasure as my own. I dont think I am possessive but rather a love for the work that I took on. Each of them carries a part of my passion and love. Therefore its painful. Each day is a slow ache. It makes me want to run away from it. But its a necessary torture I have to go through so that the work that I have done can have a proper continuity to it.

Responses from colleagues have been mixed.. Some take it in their strides, some whom I am closer with expresses more emotions. I will miss them.. But cannot be emo about it becuase I understand that it is part and parcel of life. My heart and my mind in opposition again..

Its a rather emo period of me.. I look forward to the retreat as a closure but realised I cant go for the retreat. I wonder if there is wisdom in the policy? Yes forward looking, but perhaps people also need a closure so that they can look forward again..

Dear Lord, carry me through...

Thankful

2009-07-06T20:19:00.001-07:00

Nehemiah 9 recounts the works of God in the history of the Israelites community.

And the conclusion is -God is merciful and compassionate.

As I recount this past 1 week of announcing to my friends my intent to get married next yr, I have one conclusion, God has given me good friends in my life.

YJ is so excited for me until she dreamt about it. Abang is so excited till he cant sleep at night! (I find it really funny! and heart-warming definitely!) HM already started to look out for venues, and plan the little items for me.. (though she may not be able to make it for my wedding, but she is a part of it =)) Abby also helped me sourced out somethings already! haha..

Thank you for your love in this.. Your affirmation gives me much courage.
This journey will be lovely when I have all your blessings.. =)

I had a dream

2009-06-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

I had a dream. I was carrying a big bag of burden and dragging it along my way. It was big and heavy but it seems mine to carry. No one offered a helping hand and I didnt expect any. I woke up sad cos I wonder what that bag contains?

I am very sorry for the pain and hurt I have caused. How are you getting along? I will never know, but sometimes I wish I knew. There is total silence between us now. I hope to be friends but that would be selfish of me. Total silence is better for you I know. N silence it may forever be.

How do I reconcile this within me? Thank God for the memories and friendship we once shared. Look forward to the future because God has in store a future for u and me, a future to prosper and not to harm.

I pray for God's richest blessings to be upon you..

Journalling my past 2 weeks

2009-06-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

Have not written anything here for a long time. Been too busy? Yes. And I also feel that there are many comlicated thoughts that I dont know how to write it down.

Met a few people recently, and learn something from them. Dage ask me to meet people more often so that I can learn more things from people. I thot that was just being kaypo, but I think he has is point. As we know what is happening in people's lives, we can learn from them as well.

Tt's what SH tells me as well. He often say, he will nt learn this from this person, or he will learn that from the other person. Its really learning from life as it life comes along. As he learns, I learn from him as well. =) Thank God.

Gg for TNT retreat soon, I am looking forward to the break. Was not looking forward to it initially, but its different now. Appreciate all the hardwork the Elijah puts in in coordinating all the details. You know people can be quite fussy about details but he got them all settled! Well done! Look forward to catching up with Marge, Dor, Choo and KY. Been too occupied with my work. Maybe I am learning some work-life balance now.

N yes I have nt been spending enuff time with Lucas. N now he does not even wanna share his muffin with me. hmmm... Its challenging..

Ok wat's my schedule like? Mon- Meet-a-friend Day, Tues- NavTeens Day, Wed- SH Day, Thurs- Night Shift, Fri- Bible Study, Sat-Ministry cum friends/family, Sun- Church/Ministry/ Family/Friends.

Have not go for Extended Time With God for a long time already.. I miss the greens, the nature, the time spent with God unrushed. Retreat! I can do it during retreat!

Office have been noiser without SH, i think. Angie, Wdy, Abby are cheerful ppl and I sit between them so I will catch the conversation and join in at times =) Bt I wonder if we are colleagues or friends? Sometimes after engaging in those small talks, I wonder what I achieve? Maybe breaking the ice a little between us? But I don really like to engage in small talks but prefer to keep to myself. Mayb I have been too task-focussed and neglect on the relational aspect. Do I want to have a good relationship with my colleagues, hmmm, I must say its not my priority. The truth is not everyone can click with everyone at everywhere.

Something I discover abt myself is that my love language is Service. I think it used to be words of affirmation but then I realised I am nt so good at that la.. Below is what I did for SH. 15 hand-made cards. He was shopping ard for cards for some of the people he want to bid farewell to before he leaves the centre. He could nt find anything suitable so we decided that we will make them! =) He was so delighted with them =) Tt's why he always say 2 are better than 1!

A New Dish

2009-05-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

有期望所以会让自己失望。 Since young I know that this is true.. Hence there is no need to expect too much because you end up disappointed.

有期望才有目标。 Consciously, I expect not to expect. Unconsciously, I still expect and expect. The closer you are to me, the more I expect from you.

理想主义者vs完美主义者。When I enter into full time ministry, I know that I hold up some ideals in my life and I hold it so dearly. Some sacrifices that some may nt make, I choose to make it. I always say I am not a perfectionist, I know I am not. I do not demand things to be done in a pefect fashion. But to the standard tt I want, i can be quite anal abt it. Finally confessing the perfectionist part to myself..

理想化，完美化可以崔毁一个人。By holding on to some ideals and standards, I finally realised I have done harm to myself. Putting pressures to myself unfairly. Inability to move towards my dream because I get too hang up in the ideals. The destruction of relationships because I showed contempt towards those who cld not hold up to my ideal.

现实使人更平衡。Through my supervision and through Paul, I am learning to work with reality and to see to see the big picture. It liberates me to move forward indeed. There is a part of me that is still holding on the the ideals and proud of it. I guess they shd never be given up. But beware that in my holding on to some dreams, I show more consideration to others also.

Contempt- something that lies with me for the past few years. Nv really got to know what it is. The quick solution to myself is God's Love.

Contempt is when I TOTALLY disregard someone when they do not meet my ideal standard. Idealism is the root issue to my Contempt.. Therefore Love is not the solution. LIVING REAL is the main dish. Other ingredients includes EMBRACING PAIN, EXTENDING GRACE & MERCY. N maybe a pinch of TEARS here and there. I believe the flavor of it will be FREEDOM & MATURITY & CHRISTLIKENESS.

Its a new dish I am tasting. I am not sure of the other ingredients as yet. If you know, you are most welcome to teach me along.

(I asked God to give me growth in emotional maturity. He is doing that through what I have learning so far. Last yr, I ask God to help me grow in humility, He did tt as well. I really hardly experience God's answered prayer this way.)

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." Jn 17:15

Home...

2009-05-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

There is a tension in the concept of home. Some feels paisay in coming (So they are not really treating it as home). Some really treat it like home and behave as if there are maids to help them clean up, and therefore in that sense, they are not treating it like home. The real problem is not in how I define home to be, but how they really treat their own home at home.

How can I help the youth and children to feel at home and learn to treat a home like a home?

Met Marge today and it was good time. I told her that I want to grow in emotional maturity which stems from growing in security. Sense of rejection, disfavor all triggers in me something which I do not enjoy. I do not like feeling that way but somehow I feel that way when triggered. I want to be master over my feelings and grow in security and emotional maturity.

God, I dont know how growth takes place but I know that in all the ways of living creatures, growth is natural yet mysterious. You are the sustainer of growth and life. So Lord, give me this growth and prune me in this area. Thank You Lord, in Jesus name I pray, Amen

Tired but Inspired...

2009-05-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

Met with Mr Ang today.. Went to meeting drained, left the meeting energised! Meeting with inspiring people always have a way to energise people!

He develop a program that aims to help "naughty" students to be be more interested in school. A 3 day 2 nights camp where the new teachers are placed together with the students and go through everything with them, experiencing the teachers as real humans, giving them a lot of choices but at the same time teaching the students cause and consequences.

Students and teachers leave the camp knowing one another better and building deeper rapport. This helps in the classroom management where teachers learn not to react to students who does not cooperate. They also learn to withold their judgment and seek to understand. Each students who gets the individual treatment feels appreciated that they are unique individuals and eventually get through to school.

He is open to share about the not so successful areas too. Firstly some teachers jsut go through the motion of the camp, therefore they dont get changed. Secondly, not all students chosen are willing to go for the camp, therefore they miss the opportunity to be changed.

Mr. Ang was willing to share his dreams and vision, his theories, his strategies and also his failures. Some grey areas that he is still figuring out, he was willing to share with Roger and myself. Thank God for giving such humble into position of authority.

His sharing affirmed what I was doing. I was rather disappointed at work today but felt affirmed at the end of his sharing. I know that I treat each child rather different and give a lot of grace to some children particularly. I know that my team members are having difficulty with my style and they are also trying hard to understand me. I guess they hope I can have a clearer standard so that we can all stand on the same line and be united. I hope for the same. I hope they can have a greater grey area. I hope that they can have greater flexibilty in handling different children. I know that standards need to be set otherwise children will get confused and also compare. But that is not a golden rule to be applied in all circumstances! Because you also set different contracts with different children within the boundary of rules. When kids are feeling low and they need a quiet place to settle their issue, do you tell them NO? These are the issues we deal with. Little subtle issues and day to day interactions with children that needs constant clarifications.

Many things to learn in working in a team...

And I also learn many other things and I am so excited now I want to join the camp and learn so that I may bring it back and share with my team members, and excite them enuff to want to run the camp for the children.

一生忘不掉

2009-04-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

有人和我说过，有些事一生也忘不掉。我也有同感。有些事可能一生也忘不掉。。

一些熟悉的话语，画面，味道，事物，甚至是音乐都能够牵动我的回忆。在我不知觉的时候牵动着我。。

我们经历的很多，真正在一起的时间不算多，可是一起分享的很多很多。

我选择放弃了。心中的痛慢慢的在发作。经历过几次这样的痛有好几次了，慢慢就会好的。至少我是这样想信的。可是回忆一生忘不掉。。

Beautifully Imperfect...

2009-04-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

Read Abang's blog.. Reminded of the ad by NCSS recently.. "Beautifully imperfect" caught my attention.

Everything about life is imperfect but it can be beautiful at the same time. Isnt it said that "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder." As I behold my family, my friends, and my life, what do I see? Beauty or imperfections?

A wonderful combination of beauty and imperfections. It reminds me to be truthful about my life. I dont have to put on the fake front that everything is perfect but it can be as beautiful. Sometimes I dont dare to face the imperfections in my life because it makes me downcast.

To be able to see the imperfections and appreciate the beauty behind goes beyond beautiful. It make me more courageous to face the future, for I have no fear of imperfections or failures anymore. I know there is beauty in all..

My sister broke down, but the beauty is that my dad is there to support her. He talks to her and advice her. My dad is far from perfect, but I saw beauty in him just last night. My mum was a drug addict, far from perfect, but beautiful in her diligence and care for the family. My sis' life deviates from what we normally would want, her beauty? In the way she cares for her relationship in her life.

God, you created the world perfect and beautiful. Right now, perfection has been tarnished by us. (Forgive us, Lord.) N beauty us what devil seeks to destroy. It seems hopeless to me. Yet I remember David's proclamation in Ps 27:13, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

Thy staff and thy rod, they comfort me...

2009-04-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

I sense something wrong a few days ago. N last night she cried telling me that they have broken off after 2 years. I feel worried and burden for her. Other than that, I cant feel any empathay for her when she cried bitterly in front of me.

I only want her to get out of it and stop dwelling in it. N stop harping over it because there is no point. The point is not even in the relationship, the point is about her own growth. I tried to ask God to help me be kind and merciful, so the best I could manage is to listen to her.

But it affects everyone in the family to see her like this. I believe it affects the little boy as well because mother and son are connected in their spirit. Well at least that is what I believe.

Perhaps God has to sometimes bring us to the valley of the shadow of death before we can experience his COMFORTING rod and staff. Before that, God's staff and rod are only stumbling stone blocking us pursuing what we willfully wants.

You know what, staff and rod are used by the Shepherd to discipline the sheep. It hurts to be discipline. But David in Ps 23 says that "they staff and thy rod, they comfort me."

That's what i prayed for her- The Holy Spirit (Comforter, Helper who come alongside us.) will comfort and be with her. As we faces discipline, be glad to know that God cares for us to discipline us. It hurts but it helps us to grow.

Pray for her that God will protect her mind and heart.
Pray that she will recover in her heart, mind and spirit.
Pray that she will look at things from God's point of view.
Pray that as she recovers she will learn to love her son.
Pray for the little boy that God will protect him from bearing beyond what he can handle.
Pray for the boy and the mother to grow in understanding and love.

Over a cup of tea

2009-04-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

What would you do for a cup of tea? Look at the pictures below...

SH had to use a knife to literally saw it!!!!!! N after sometime of sawing, his face was wet from perspiration. All over a cup of tea..

Life Race

2009-04-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

The Race is over..

A deep breathe of relief... Been at this for 2 months... Not perfect but I choose not focus on the mistakes.

Throughout the event, the part that I enjoy the most is the debriefing with the SALT teens. Honest, genuine and humble. Thanks guys for the openness.

I know that sometimes JH, Doreal and myself dont lead well enough and we may not have given you enough guidance along the way, but thanks for bearing with us.

Ya I admit I was disappointed and frustrated with some teens along the way, but I pray that they will grow through this event.

With my working with Dor and JH, KY affirmed us for having great team work and help one another cover up for what we see not done, but I think our team work would have been smoother. Yes I agree we really complemented one another very well, covering up for what was lacking and taking charge of what needs to be done. But if there were better communications, we would hv reduce our stress level knowing that some particular levels are actually being covered already! haha!

Dor is strong is the details, covering the admin, registration. She is also creative in publicity, knowing what would help the teens to sign up with us.

JH is strong is planning the games, creative in his games ideas and also in ra-ra-ing with the crowd.

The way I see we work is that we come in when we see a gap. If we hv more opportunities to work together, with familiarity with one's style of working, I guess we can work with great dynamics. Sometimes we dont have to say so much and we kinda know that a particular area would be covered by one of us. Thanks Dor and JH for the support given to me and the teens. I appreciate it!

Blessed are those who find good working partners at work and ministry because it makes you love your job easier!

Busy busy..Emo emo

2009-04-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

Busy busy.. I need God's grace.. Talking about seasons in life, this season is so rushy.. Good Friday should be remembering God, not rushing about like this.. But for the sake of the gospel, I am compelled. Only for the sake of God.. Help me O Lord..

Emo emo.. Angry, sad, trying to forgive, extending grace to the offenders.. I nv feel so hurt by gossips before. In Nav, we are a close-knitted community, even if we gossips, we are always encouraged to go back to the person we have issues against. This is what the bible exhorts us to do.

But people dont come to us. They go to others, and in this manner darken the understanding of others and create more misunderstanding. Why not come to us personally and allow us the priviledge to speak for ourselves? Why rely on your own understanding?

Sometimes I can pretend I dont know a thing, it helps me to relate better to others in the office. But at times like this, I just gotta let it out and do some emotional release. Transferring out has not resolved the issue. The damage is done, and what's done remains.. Only by the grace and mercy of God can I choose to let go and forgive. What is the intent of the gossip-monger? For our good?- if that is so, come to us personally (this is what the bible exhorts). For our bad- if so, then I have nothing to say, except may the mercy of God be with you..

But I feel bad for the one who has to endure the gossips for our sake. Ultimately, if we dont get it directly, then someone else has to get it lo.. Gossips gossips.. damaging gossips..

But O Lord, I know my intent.. I know your purpose.. Gossips or no gossips- they are non-essentials.. Focus on the one pursuit.. It clarifies my life, it intensify my energy.. Cannot let my energy dissipate by fighting the little pests.. Jia you Li Jie!!!!!!

Kids without Shepherd

2009-03-25T03:03:00.000-07:00

I need to debrief myself for today's program.

There were many kids who came, many demanding attention, many who were rowdy etc.. Actually I dont feel overwhelmed.. I just need to sharpen my skills in knowing how to respond in a shorter time.

But I have the opportunity to impart valuable lessons for them today. Themes on honesty, sportsmanship and teamwork were all part of the debrief.

What is the more important learning point for me is that I find that I grew a little in my understanding of them, which also increases my empathy and hopefully makes me more effective in handling the children.

Really, the kids world are either black or white. That's why they are often very caught up with what is fair and what is not? If things are unfair to their advantage, of course they have no issue with it. But problems come if the situation is unfair to their disadvantage. I use to hate it when they come to me and scream unfairness into my ears. But come to think about it, the world really is unfair at times, but how do I help them to cope with this injustice. Before they know the good Lord, the Judge who rules and is Sovereign, how then can they cope with this sense of injustice in their heart?

"They are harrassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." I am thankful that I can input a little in their lives and that I may be like a shepherd. Each one of us needs an anchor in our hearts to guide us in our life direction. Without the anchor, we are lost, confused, harrassed, and ultimately purposely. I hope to build up that anchor in them that they may know how to direct their lives.

Restore their hearts Lord. Restore them that they may learn to trust, to take steps of faith in their lives to live their live to the fullness. You have come to give us life and life more abundantly..Thank you Lord

Every child is precious!

2009-03-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

The children surprised me today when they were so well-behaved. Normally, they would refuse to leave the computer room when it comes to tea-break time. But today they do not have much difficulty doing that. Best of all is that before they come out, they remember to off the lights and air con, off the computer and the Wii. Of course some things were left undone but I am happy enuff!

I make it a point to remember to praise them! And praise them I did! They were so proud! Normally they would be singled out for mistakes and problems that they create, who would actually praise them? Can you imagine the impact it would have on them?

N this same group of boys actually took out the table and started studying on their own! I nearly fainted from pure delight! haha... I love them..

of course initially they were jsut copying.. But I make it a point to look through what they did. Some I refuse to mark their work because it was jsut copy work. But you know what made them treat their work seriously???? I have to narrate this story... =)

Fan was just copying the answers at the back of the book. I marked a little, told him to re-do some.. That of course didnt help cos he was still copying the 2nd and 3rd time round. What finally made him to be serious was when Danial started reading out the comments at the end of his page (I write a comment for every piece of work they gave me for marking). Maybe something in the comment inspired Fan to finally decide to try.. I was so touched.. I wanted to cry.. And he did try! When he passed me the book, he was so conscious of the mistakes he would make. But at the end I wrote him something and thank him for allowing me to mark him book. I would not see any expression on his face which betray his emotions. But I know that God is working in his heart.

In each of their hearts, God is working. Changing them, molding them, uplifting them... When you are serious with them, they take you seriously.. When you hand onto them, they do not give up on themselves. Sometimes, they depend on your strength to carry on.. They look at your faith in them to have faith in themselves.. God protect them from the evil one..

Every child is precious!

I need God..

2009-03-04T08:40:00.001-08:00

I want to commit myself to write down about the children as long as I reflect on anything about them. The more I talk to SH, somehow the more I find that there is so much work to be done. O God, give me your patience and your wisdom.

Ry and Ami seems to be a little hard to receive instructions lately. They seem to want to play and play and unable to do anything else. When they come, they just want to play. Ami have been a little easily upset recently. Need to call his parents. Today I am so reminded that we need to be work in partnership with the parents. Jia works in school and her busy-ness does not give her this privilege to talk so much to the parents. But I am in a position to do so, and I want to do it. To talk to the parents about the children. Really I enjoy talking to the parents! ha!

But today I am also reminded that I need to also interact with other systems who are influences the students such as the schools. Pray that God will open the door for the school to meet up with us and for us to know them. I know this will be so much more effective if we collaborate with one another.

When I think about the amount of improvements that need to be made but I cant really sort them out clearly, I feel frustrated at myself. I want to neaten things out. I want to make it good and better. How should I do it? Oh man, I need divine wisdom and alot of focus. But when I have got other demands that takes up my energy, where else can I summon all those demands?

At the end of the day, the conclusion of the matter is this: I need God.. Love you my Lord..

Masked or unmasked?

2009-03-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

To live an authentic life before self and others is an ideal I always pursue.. I try hard to maintain it, at the cost of my privacy. I truly desire to do that.

If I am a little more private, would I have less troubles in my life? If I am a little more guarded, perhaps I can do more without caring so much..

Do I want to hold on to my ideal? What on earth is it for? To live an authentic life before others was for the girls that I helped that they may know me. As I desire to share their lives, I am willing to share my lives with them.

I find that I am shifting again. It feels scary to shift from what I am so familiar with. Yet it feels so tiring to hold on to what I am so familiar with. A sense of responsibility and accountabilty holds me on tightly to what I am doing. Almost breathless, almost to my breaking. But I thought God is my All Sufficient. I should be able to do everything through Him who gives me strength, unless I am doing it wrongly. My Lord, my Lord.. I am at my breaking.. I cannot keep up with all the people you have entrusted to me. I am sorry. I want to pick them up again, yet I find no energy to do so. Or have I lost my focus? Am I too distracted?

Attracted by the glitters and sparkles in life, I find myself too attracted to the new and interesting things in life. As my interest grows (I dont dare to claim that it is passion yet), I fear that my interest will not last that long. I have been in Nav for 13 years. I feel the steam going out. Is it a question of passion? A matter of focus? Or do I just need some rest? What is it about?

What I once thought was my life direction, I think I have shifted. I dont dare to claim anything anymore. I fear to make such proclaimations of my life purpose and vision as it worry that it will reflect how foolish I am when i look back at myself few years down the road.

What can do I do the rest of my life? What does God want for the rest of my life? I long to stay long in a place, but I also fear the prospects of long unfruitful and boring years. Conflict is within me. The desire to commit long term, yet the fear of unfruitfulness. So I fear failure too much to commit?

Many possibilities before me, much doubts within me, past fears haunts me.. But to God I hold onto.. for there is no one else and nothing else...

Mission here or there?

2009-02-27T07:38:00.000-08:00

There's adrenaline rush from preparing the Offical Opening. I feel so charged up for work now that I cant really sleep much and cant eat much. You know that feeling you get after you jog and you dont really feel like eating or resting.. haha! I had that kinda feeling.

When i go to office, I feel as if I need to look for work, like "Where is my work? Give me more work!" I realised I really do have a lot of energy. Where do I channel this energy? Perhaps I should really learn to be still again. 1-2months of hectic preparation really expanded my capacity and makes me restless.

I should go into reading, learning, and the so very essential background planning that should be done if I want to see a good job. I need to rechannel my energy. Official opening is over, there are other things that I need to focus on now. Have missed a few BSs, need to catch up too.

Read fr Jia's blog that for the sake of archery, she gave up ministry for awhile. I wonder if I may ever do that at any point in my life? What am I living for? I hope to take a Sabbath fr TNT, and in the meanwhile establish myself in a church, attend courses, give myself even more to the children and clients at my office. Pastor John has been asking me to join his cell grp and church, but it clashes with my commitment in Nav. I thought I would be able to cut down on some TNT commitments, bt I was unable to do so. N there's still the girls whom I want to meet with.. Torn between the many demands.

Sometimes I find my life dissected into 2. Monday-Fri (Care Corner), Sat (TNT), Sunday (Family, personal). I dont like it this way leh. I find it hard to switch mode from CC to TNT during the weekends. Beginning to think that CC is my ministry and my calling. I need to dwell a little more in this b4 I can input any further... its a mindset shift I am experiencing now..

Ultimate rejection of God

2009-02-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

昨天感到震惊气愤，今天感到忧伤遗憾。。悲剧往往是可以避免的。

Someone jumped off the building near to my office yesterday. I was with the children at the void deck when the man jumped. A girl came to me and got me to go to the event place and see what happened. I didnt believed her initially cos I didnt hear anything. But I followed her nevertheless and see what it was. A body was lying on the ground. I guess I saw the skull cracked into 2 and some parts of the brain.

My immediate response? To get the children out of the area and call the police. On my way back to get my handphone, I was all alone and that's where I got the time to respond. My hair stand and I was just calling out for Jesus name. There was no prayer, cos I could utter none.

We debrief the children, called the children's parents and ask them to look out for any signs of abnormality from witnessing the incident. The period of time following the incident was to deal with the children who witnessed the event.

They have witness this more than once at least in their neighborhood. So far they are rather alright. God is protecting them. But I pray that God will protect them from hardening their hearts and thus numbing their senses to such violence. Pray for the children to always be sensitive to the rights and wrongs, virtues and violence, beauty and the ugly. Repeated exposure to violence leave scars that numbs people to violence. That's why I felt angry that the children had to be exposed to such violence.

Today, I received a saddening news. The man who jumped was someone I knew. Not that close, but he was rather kind towards me. It was just beyond my mind when I heard the news, I cannot find the way to respond. Was too busy in the office to respond. I am sad, and at times I do feel the tears rising, but they dont come out. I know I need to debrief my process my own feelings, but there is no luxury of time and space yet.

That uncle chose a sad way to end his life. I do not feel that "Oh, we should have reached out to him and this would not have happened." It is too late for such statement. I only feel sad for him. Sad that the devil had succeed in his attempts to rob God of his creation, sad that the devil has capture another soul into his territory, sad that he did not give himself another chance for life- God's abundant life, sad that the children have to witness this...

God, protect those who are living, whose hearts are affected in one way or another- the conscious and the unconscious way. God, your heart must be broken because your creation has chosen to reject your image them. Father, your heart of love is full of mercy and kindness. Show them to the living. Pray for his family that they may see your glory and light.
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living... " Ps 27:13

Little foxes ruin the vineyard...

2009-02-14T18:24:00.000-08:00

"Little foxes ruin the vineyard"... People usually make rationale decisions and more or less good decisions when they are the major ones, but its the minor ones that we unconsciously choose that affects us in a way we never imagine.

"little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man." Proverbs 6:10-11

"Catch for us the foxes, the little foxest that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Solomon 2:15

Yes over time people tend to slacken, forget the little things.. The truly trustworthy ones are those who are faithful even to the little things. You may beg to differ.. I am alright with it.

When I work with people, I know who I can trust totally and who I should take what they say with only a pinch of salt when I see the way they handle the little things. I am not talking about those super "stingy" people who is so calculative with you to the slighest detail, but in terms of the attitude in which they handle that little things such as washing a cup etc. Maybe my job requires me to wash some cups daily, I know who never does the washing and I know who does it. Am I judging too much? God show me if I am.. I need your wisdom in this...

Anyway, in terms of my job right now, I find that the children do listen to my instructions better. Recently I have been more strict in carrying out quiet-time and time-out with them. And it helps. Cos i get to speak to them personally and find out what the matter. It a privilege that we get while school teachers does not get.

Sometimes I listen to Jia and I empathise both with her and her pupils. They are not easy to handle and she has to rush the curriculum. If there are any disruptive kids, the entire class would be affected and that affects their learning. How I wish she could refer them to us, but her school is too far. As she teaches P1, she plays such a major role in identifying the kids who has special challenges and needs more help. If intervention could be done at their level, what great difference would it make!

Its time to reconnect with NTPS, QTPS again and get them to refer students to us. Students who really need help. I think we can make a difference to the little children sent to us.

If you are sensing something, you are right... I am loving my work. I love the kids. Even though if you see me in the program handling the children, you would not think of me as loving them! haha..

If you know of any little children that needs some kind of special help, and you dont know where to refer them to, let me know. I will try to find out for you. I may or may not be able to help personally, but I can find kind of help is available and possible...

We love because God first loved us.. and Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me...".

My Colleagues

2009-02-11T19:24:00.000-08:00

Hey I am putting up pictures of my colleagues... They cant object here and I hope they dont object also la...

These was at Abby's house. And we were having a retreat.. Focus of retreat? Sharing and FOOD!

This was at our Corporate retreat at Desaru.. That night, we were the brightest and we looked like traffic police I think =P But I think the sense of identity created by wearing the same shirt was rather strong...

I must say I learnt a lot in my workplace. The little helpful skills that would carry me thru my life.. Working with different kind of people.. (In Nav, people are more one kind! =P). Learning about working with grassroots and the things that we have to be mindful of, working with clients of different level- children, teens, parents, poor and the rich... Learning to be the designer in office, learning to serve etc etc.. But I must say, I have so much to learn...

I am grateful for how Nav have trained me and how I am using my training in my workplace. And I know that I am stil growing in this new place.. Life is meant to be fruitful...

I wonder and I ponder...

2009-02-11T19:11:00.001-08:00

Some things I saw & some people I listened to causes me to wonder and ponder...

- The joy of old couple sitting in the park... & listening to "Numa Numa"!!
- The happiness in a lover's eyes and even while saying goodbye...
- The sacrifice a mother would put in for her child (and maybe the child would not even understand).
- The passion of many who go before me in disciple-making & the sacrifices they make.
- The rational mind of human which causes us to rationalise instead of honestly admitting what we do and our motives.
- The time we spend on MSN instead of working.
- The time when we are suppose to be attending to people yet we are in front of our desk...
- The time we spend on facebook, and other social networks and then we say we have no time for other things. (Btw I am a firm believer of non-facebook/friendster etc. Maybe until I see its purpose one day. But I have nothing against you if you have a facebook k.)

I struggle between what is best and what is alright (neutral). I struggle to tell people what I think is best. If they are wrong, I can tell them, but sometimes, its not something outright wrong, but maybe just not a valid right. haha! Understand me? Its ok, its not meant for the mass understanding anyway...

On a side note, I am fidning my strength and energy back already. I know it cos I find the strength to jog twice a week when previously I dropped to once a week while I was sick. Good health is so much more convenient...

Physical ailments...

2009-01-25T01:32:00.000-08:00

Have been ill ever since December camp.. never been feeling real well and on top. Constanly feeling feverish and recently headaches and eye-aches have been bothering me. I try to drinks lots of water, and cut down on new year goodies. Maybe I should nt take any of them. Appetitie have nt been tt good with tibits.. My nt so good throat is a deterrence for me to take tibits. Its a good sign la..

Wondering why the ill health? Sign of aging? Unhealthy lifestyle? Not enough rest? Well, well... I dunno.. I hope that Chinese New Year break would be a good time to nurse myself back to health.

A little worried about my eyes though. My appointment with National Eye Centre is in another 2 weeks time. But recently, I have been having eye-ache. The last time I have eye-ache, I ended up having another cornea abrasion. This time, I pray that God will protect my eyes till I get to see the doctor. Have been praying for complete recovery...

LACK NOT- NavTeens Camp 2008

2009-01-03T23:15:00.000-08:00

Last year, it was to be slave for what they have enjoyed.. This year, it is to be tied up while they are eating.. I missed this part of the camp as I was at work. No wonder pictures are so important.

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth... Youth is your greatest gift from God. Play Hard, Study Hard, Love God Hard, Know Him Deep..

Each teen has the potential to know God. And to make Him known! Love them, train them, be with them...

Special Night.. Wild Wild West! Cowboy & red indian style costumes, burgers, onions rings, chicken wings & square dance... We love it! What's NavTeens Camp without Special Night =)

I dont know how to explain.. I think there are something magical about being with them. =)

LACK NOT TNT Annual Camp 2008

God, bless them for the time they have spent in the camp. Bless them richly as they chose to spend this time to know you. Bless them with a deeper desire for You. Transform them to the image of Christ.

Welcoming 2009

2009-01-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

I guess I rushed into 2009.. Not much time to wave bye bye to 2008.. But anyway, time does not wait for anyone and here I am in 2009..

2008 can be captured in the following..

The way that He loves...

t (Christ)- I grew in His likeness a little more again.. In love and in humility..
E- Eyes protected by God... I could have lost my sight.
S- Salvation of girl... Li Hui received Christ on 23rd Feb 2008
S- Sufficent in my insufficiencies... God's grace abound in my life.

another S- Second generation... Huimei started helping another girl for BS. Charlene and her are now in Laborers Training Program, training to be laborers in the NavTeens. Fruits of labor plus alot of God's grace...

2009... Faith Goals...

El-Shaddai God All Sufficient. I don't know how I can cope with all the demands that is place before me. May El-Shaddai reveal Himself and make Himself real to me. I want to experience El-Shaddai..

Family Salvation.

Build the girls further in Christ-likeness.

Improve and stablize Kidstart.

Commit my 2009 into your hands...

Christmas Day

2008-12-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

What do one do on a Christmas Day? I spent my whole morning trying to update my next year's schedule and getting my appointment diary in shape. Got this yesterday. I spent almost 2 hours searching for this. Its the best among all that I have seen.
Why spend 2 hours on searching? My rationale is that since I am going to use it for 1 whole year, I better make sure I love it!
I guess I am rather particular when it comes to certain choices that I make. There are many many things I am very qing chai about- anything also can. So I make very fasy decisions cos they dont really matters alot. But if it is going to affects me for a long time, I will invest time in researching and choosing. I made a new discovery of myself just from choosing a diary =) I guess this is why I decided to back out from the marriage.. I still needed time...
Ok, so what else do one day on a Christmas Day. Its to upload some overdue pictures!!

Yeah, Serene passed me her wedding pics.. (Hers the only wedding I got the full set of wedding pics. Thanks for sharing=) )So I am going to share some of my favorites here. =)
Will not show so much of her here cos I have not gotten her permission..

The preparations...

The posed...

The Church...

The Night...

Ok, what do one do for the rest of Christmas? I am going for a jog.. =)

N just received an sms.. On Christmas Day, someone had accept the Lord into her life.. The joy is immense.. Praise God.. He made all things possible.. Love you my Lord..

Reflection on a game

2008-12-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

Angel and mortal game taught me 2 things.

Firstly, it’s more blessed to give than to receive. When you give, your reward is not in the person giving you thanks directly. The joy comes from seeing the smile on your mortal’s face. When no one applauds you, you know your reward is in heaven.

Secondly, it taught me to receive with gladness and grace. It’s a demonstration of grace when I have done nothing to deserve the gift. The other time it happened in our lives is when Christ gave His life for us.

Usual Life, but not back to Normal

2008-12-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

As i went to walk this morning, I had a sense that my day is going to be different. Perhaps its the afterglow of the camp. It was wonderful in terms of how I encounter God. I did not learn much through the messages as I really didnt attend manu of them, but the encounter with God was brilliant.

N in the afternoon at work, as I was busy with things, I decided that I should just sit with 2 girls and spend time with them. This girl was wearing a shirt that says "Agape". Naturally I went on to talk about unconditional love. Then after awhile, I had my bible with me. And I showed them the passage on love and they read. They went on to read Genesis. I remembered I just got a children's devotional bible tat morning, so I took it to them and we all read together. It was amazing. I didnt have to push for it to happen and I am glad that God orchestrated it all to happen, how i had my bible, my children's devotional bible etc etc =)

Life is back to the routine of work, but it is definitely not back to normal already. I am so glad God gave me this priviledge of reading bible with 2 malay girls. I believe the Word will take root in their hearts and bear fruits. Pray for them if you read this.

May God bless you...

Local Missionary!

2008-11-24T05:38:00.000-08:00

I am a missionary, but different from the others, I work in Singapore! haha!!

i work in a cross-cultural context in a local setting, I feel as if I am becoming less and less like a Chinese already! But thankfully, my love for the Chinese culture is strong enough to keep me rooted and not confused.

Everyday, I face non-Chinese at work almost 90% of the time. My awareness stop at the factual level initially. However, more and more, I find that emotionally and spiritually, I am beginning to respond to this fact. I need to be reflecting to myself what it may mean to me. Its just different working in a cross-cultutal context...

2 Peter 1:3-5

2008-11-24T05:19:00.000-08:00

Went to Sentosa today with the youths. J's brother, N, was also there. As I was feeling tired, and he was feeling shy to join the group, so we happen to sit together and had a nice chat. It was a nice chat we have but I forgot to tell him.

He is 19 years old and going to the army. Just 3months ago, he told me he was going to be married with his girlfriend in 2009. But found out today that they just broke up. His girlfriend cant accept him for who he is, he said.

Given his golden dyed hair, tattoo-ed body, and some other behaviors different from mine, it seems a little strange that he is talking to me about acceptance. He even said that he does not want his girlfriend to be a gang member, does not want her to smoke and drink, and go to pub. Perhaps everyone really desire to be normal and accepted.

He's a rather nice chap, tends to like to boast about his past misdeeds that all. But given the background and the people whom he mixes with, what else can he boast about other than his misdeeds? How else can he command the respect of others if not for the fact that he belongs to the presumably largest and therefore most powerful secret society in Singapore.

As I reflect about this, my heart aches for the young people. For survival, they have to cling on to anything they can find. If it means to be in a gang, then so be it.

Lord, your divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of you who called us by your own glory and goodness. (So give these youths and children a sense of your personal calling and a glimpse of your glory and goodness. There really can be more to life than this). Through them, you have given us your very great and precious promises, so that through them, we may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desire. (Each of them need your help to escape the corruption in the world. Deliver them Lord...) 2 Peter 1:3-5

A box of ice-cream

2008-11-24T05:07:00.000-08:00

Met this 16 years old at my corridor while I was on my way home. He was pushing a cool box and as I walked by him, he asked me if I wanted to buy a box of ice-cream from him. He said he is saving up for his polytechnic education. He claimed that a box of ice-cream was $12 and he is selling at $14.90 because he wants to earn a little.

Well, a side of me wanted to belive him, but the other side of me was a little skeptical. I needa little time to think so I showed him where I stayed and said perhaps he should go and ask my mother if she wanted the ice-cream. But as I stepped into the house, he didnt even have to say anything, I begin to dig out money from my wallet. I guess I decided that I want to risk believing in him.

I donno if I might have been cheated. Maybe he might be laughing at me and say what a fool I am.. But it does not matter. Wisdom and foolishness really depends on which side you stand on. Widsom to the world is foolishness to Christ, and the reverse is true.

For the sake of Christ, I am willing to be a fool.

Counseling..

2008-11-22T20:48:00.000-08:00

While waiting for my appointment with Santi, I realised that I donno what to do. I could have prepared for camp, prepare for work, read etc etc.. But I dont have the materials I need at home. I wanted to go tJ but there is not enough time. So anyways, here I am typing my blog.

My sup asked me what counseling model I think I wanna go into more details and learn it. Different models suit different people. I wonder if I can go into christian counselling. Other than this kinda of counseling, I am not sure if I can make sense of wat the other counseling models are talking about. Or rather, I am nt sure if I can be convinced of wat the rest of the models tries to convince people.

I want to base my work upon the word of God. I need to check with her if it is possible to go into christian counseling in our centre. Anyway, if not, I really needa know what i can learn and apply already.

Learning and applying a particular model can really change a person's outlook and perspective. Its like a lens that you view the world from. If what I learn is not going to be sound biblically, I worry that what I say to people would nt be truth. But of course, saying this, even if some claimed to be christian counseling, i still need to evaluate it based on the word of God.

Love you so much, Jesus, Love you so much... How my soul longs for you, longs to worship you forever.. For you are my strength and shield...

Smoothie Smoothie!

2008-11-11T15:18:00.000-08:00

I want to give thanks to God for the program yesterday. Because D is on leave, so I am prety concerned that I will not be able to cope with the program! (You never know how emo the children can be sometimes!) anyway, so I thought I better have an engaging program that they will enjoy and that I dont need to deal with them running around becuase of boredom.

So we made Smoothie! heehee.. Well, perhaps personally I like to cook so I guess that makes things easier =) And before we made the smoothie, we had a Treasure Hunt where the kids have to find all their materials =) I am pretty excited as I combined these ideas from a book and it actually works! To see theory translating into reality is exciting =)

If you wonder how does making smoothie and treasure hunt benefit the children, let me tell you! haha! Other than having fun, it helps them to be willing to read. They may be unwilling to read in a textbook context, but giving them a recipe and treasure hunt clues certaintly motivates them to read =)

Anyway, though they were excited about making smoothie, they didnt actually like to drink it. I guess its a little sour with all the fruits together...They love the ice-cream that top the smoothie rather than their smoothie. But its ok, they dont have to like what I love =)

Thank God, Thank God, Thank God! Thank You Lord!